No Good Story Ever Started With A Salad
by ExecutiveShrimp
Summary: AU, 2x1: He shouldn't fall in love with the silly straight boy.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:**

 **Oh, just your run-of-the-mill oneshot turned multi-chaptered story…**

 **I don't know how often this story will be updated. It has already been completed, but chapters still need to be beta'd. However, there shouldn't be too long between posts. It will probbaly total 4/5 chapters; this time my beta, Shima Yi, is in charge of chapter-breaks, because I don't trust myself to find the right points.**

 **The title is just a variation on a text that I have on a T-shirt and it kinda, sorta, maybe fits the story.**

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 **Overall warning: This story includes sexual content and references to eating disorders (individual chapters will not have chapter-specific warnings).**

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 **Beta: Shima Yi**

 **No Good Story Ever Started with a Salad**

 **Chapter 1**

Heero checked his reflection in the rearview mirror and swiped a fallen eyelash off his cheekbone and adjusted his bangs. It shouldn't matter what he looked like, but somehow it did.

"It's not as if he'll be _looking_ , Yuy," he berated himself, yet he still took a moment to check his teeth and to smooth a hand down his clothes. He shot a look at his reflection and rolled his eyes at himself. He had always prided himself on not being vain and superficial, but some people had their ways of bringing out his insecurities regarding his looks – Duo Maxwell was one of them. He never felt shorter, more sickly thin and weak, and more awkward than he did standing next to Mister Tall-Broad-and-Handsome.

With a final sigh, he pushed the car door open and got out, securing the USB drive in the pocket of his jeans along with his keys. Duo had already buzzed him into the underground parking garage, so he was free to go up to his apartment. It was four flights of stairs and he would have preferred to use the elevator, but he knew Duo would ask if he took the stairs or not and he knew the man would give him shit if he had to admit that he didn't.

Once he reached Duo's floor, he was a little winded; he took a second to catch his breath and make sure that the redness had faded from his face, before he headed down the hall and knocked on Duo's door. He stiffened at the sound of rumbling laughter on the other side of the door. Realizing Duo was definitely not home alone, his immediate response was to bolt, the same way he avoided uncomfortable and unexpected social situations his entire life. But he resisted the urge. He couldn't – it would've been so silly and childish, not to mention unprofessional.

The door swung open and Duo hung off it with a sloppy grin. "Took you long enough; I buzzed you in like half an hour ago," he exaggerated. "Did ya take the stairs or spend all that time waiting for the elevator?"

Heero felt embarrassed at the sound of a group of men laughing at Duo's harmless taunting. "I took the stairs," he said.

"Atta boy." He gave a thumbs-up, fully aware of how obnoxious that gesture was and hamming it up for comedic value. Then he stepped aside and welcomed Heero into his apartment.

The Japanese man walked past him, with his head apologetically ducked between his shoulders. His gaze landed on four equally Tall-Broad-and-Handsome guys, lounging in the living room, shouting at the television and nursing beers.

Duo closed the door and bellowed to get their attention: "Hey, guys! This is Heero. Say hi."

"H~i!" They drawled in unison; of the four, only one of them actually bothered to look Heero's way as he greeted him.

Turning to face Duo, Heero said: "When I texted, you could have just said you were having friends over. I could have stopped by tomorrow, or something."

"Nah," Duo waved his hand dismissively. "It's okay. My team is losing anyway. Might as well get this over with."

"Hn."

Suddenly Duo's attention was pulled to the TV screen again and he joined his friends to lament a botched pass. Heero knew very little about sports, but he knew dropping the ball was not a good thing, if only because that was what the saying meant. He remembered that Duo was an avid supporter of the "Mavericks", so he assumed that was the team that they were rooting for at the moment, so in a pitiful attempt to blend in with the crowd, he inquired: "So, the Mavericks aren't doing so hot right now?"

All five of them turned to stare at him and one by one, they burst out laughing.

"The Mavericks are a basketball team," Duo explained, "This is football."

"You know what _football_ is, right?" One of them, with a shaved head, jested.

Heero was mortified and he wished he could shrink into a tiny speck that could disappear into the fibers of the carpet he was standing on. He nearly flinched when Duo patted his shoulder with his large hand and offered him a smile. He tried a smile in return.

"Lemme get my laptop," the tall man with the long, braided hair said and he promptly walked out of the living room, to one of the bedrooms down the hall.

Heero restlessly rocked his weight from left to right and back, and was thankful for the fact that the four remaining men completely ignored him as they were absorbed into the game play. They groaned and cursed at the players, shouted at decisions made by the coach and scoffed at the commentators' remarks.

Duo was quick to return and he put his laptop down on the breakfast bar in the kitchen. While they waited for the computer to boot up, Duo offered Heero a beer, but he declined.

"If you want, I can take a look at your laptop someday," the Japanese man suggested to fill the silence between them. "I could clean up your hard drive and it'd probably be a lot faster."

The other chuckled and shook his head. "Thanks man, but I don't want you digging around on this thing. You have no idea what kind of filth is on here." He closed a program that started up automatically and waited a few more second, wiggling the cursor until it wasn't laggy anymore. "I think it's done now."

Heero produced the USB-drive from his pocket and handed it over so Duo could plug it in. Before long the video started playing and Duo seated himself in one of the barstools to watch.

The video was one of Duo's vlogs. He had a moderately successful YouTube channel on which he uploaded fitness related videos, like workouts and meal-plans, as well as random episodes where he talked about different issues on his mind, called "Food for Thought". As of two months ago, Heero edited his videos for him, to spare him the time and make the production a little more professional. Duo confessed to neither having the patience nor the technical savvy to expertly edit his content and that it wasn't fun for him. He had complained about the chore of editing to enough people in his vast social circle that one of them, who knew Heero, suggested that he simply hire an editor and the mutual friend gave him Heero's contact information.

Editing YouTube videos wasn't really his daytime job; Heero worked as freelance corporate tech support, servicing the entire region. He was on the road a lot, driving from one company to the next, but he liked his work – it a very independent and solidary. Video-editing was more of a hobby for him. There was something therapeutic to the precision task of cutting, copying and pasting down to the millisecond, and taking something apart to put it back together in a more efficient manner. He liked the philosophy behind it too: cutting out everything that was unimportant or irrelevant, distilling everything down to the core. It felt good throwing away unnecessary things – like spring-cleaning.

Initially, Heero hadn't been interested in editing "some vlogger's" videos, but in the end, it took little effort to persuade him to make time for Duo Maxwell, known online as "That Guy with the Braid". After seeing only one of his videos, Heero knew he was crushing on the man – hard. He couldn't recall what kind of delusional confidence had emboldened him to actually say "yes" when the YouTuber called, but he did. He never thought he would stand a chance with the Greek God, but he did have to shamefully admit to himself that he had been hopeful Duo might have been gay, based solely on his extraordinary hair. That wasn't the case, unfortunately.

He idly stood by as Duo reviewed the final cut of that week's "Food for Thought" video and Heero couldn't help but smile as Duo laughed softly at having his own jokes replayed for him. In the background, the other four were still rowdy, but in spite of their apparent frustrations at their team's performance, it seemed like they were still having a good time.

The six minute and forty-two second video came to an end and froze on the last frame. "I like it," Duo concluded. "I really like that split-screen you did half-way and the effects were funny."

Heero nodded. In the previous draft, he had used fewer effects, not wanting to go overboard, but Duo thought they were amusing and encouraged him to put more in.

"You cut out the avocado-joke though. Why?" He shot a look over his shoulder.

"It wasn't that funny."

"And I suppose you're the expert on what's funny and what isn't?" He challenged teasingly, mocking Heero's serious demeanor.

"If it doesn't make me laugh, it's not funny," he replied simply.

Duo quirked an eyebrow at him. "So, you're telling me you did laugh at my other jokes?"

Heero shrugged, uncomfortable under Duo's stare, suddenly feeling weird and self-consciousness about watching all of Duo's videos so closely – including the ones where he was working out shirtless – even if it was, technically, just his "job".

The long-haired man flashed a grin. "I made you laugh, huh? I feel very proud of myself." He laughed when he noticed Heero's discomfort. He closed the laptop and got up from the seat. "Thanks for this, man. Can't wait to upload this Monday. Oh, by the way, I filmed a gym clothing haul – think you can have that done by the end of the week? I have a sponsorship deal going with the online company and the promotion code starts Friday, so I should really upload by then."

"Uhm," Heero looked off to the side and briefly considered his schedule, but he knew he had plenty of time, as he always did. "Sure, yeah, I can do that."

"Awesome! I already have it saved on this drive."

Heero accepted another novelty USB drive that was handed to him – in the shape of a surfboard with a shark's bite mark.

"Thanks, man. I'll wire the payment just like usual."

"Sure."

"Hey, wanna stay and watch the rest of the game with us? The after-game analysis is going to be brutal, but that can be kinda funny sometimes too," Duo rambled boisterously.

Heero shot a look at the other men on the couch. Under different circumstances he would have suffered through a football game to spend time with a hot guy – even knowing it would never lead to anything, there is no harm in looking and enjoying the view – but he didn't want to intrude and he felt uncomfortable being that outnumbered by burly, macho men. "Uhh, no thanks."

Duo chuckled like he was expecting that answer. "Okay, that's cool. We gotta hang out some other time though. I promise no football. I wanna hear that laugh of yours."

The Japanese man blushed but he hoped it wouldn't be too obvious on his golden complexion. "Yeah, okay."

The man with the shaved head chimed in: "You two girls can watch the Miss Universe pageant together."

Heero stiffened, recognizing it as a jab in reference to his – admittedly – obvious sexual orientation.

Duo laughed and conceded: "I love those pageants!"

His friend turned around in his seat to face him with a raised eyebrow. "You do?"

"Dude, hot chicks in bathing suits? Heck yeah, I love that shit. You bet your ass I watch the Victoria's Secret fashion show every year," the longhaired man quipped. "Half naked chicks in high heels, what's not to love, right?" He looked down at Heero.

"Yeah. Women. Hot," he stammered dryly. He'd actually prefer watching football; at least then he could ogle the big, broad men. Duo let out a rumbling laugh at his less than enthusiastic comment. He then walked Heero to the door.

Heero felt incredibly self-conscious, walking down the hallway, knowing Duo had his eyes on him. He made an effort to keep his shoulders straight and added a little sway to his step that he usually reserved for his nights out, stalking bars and clubs for some much-needed company.

"Take the stairs!" Duo called after him, before he rounded the corner. "You're way too skinny!"

Heero turned for a halfhearted wave before he gratefully disappeared around the corner; he released the breath he had been holding. He looked down at his thin, long legs and his clunky boots that made his feet seem too big for the rest of his body. He had his sleeves rolled up, but he pushed the fabric back down to his wrist, to hide his slender, wiry forearms. Heero never thought he looked that bad – at least, he hadn't since his most awkward phase in high school – and he was complimented on his appearance regularly, with people focusing on his vibrant, blue eyes, his tanned skin, his perfect, white teeth and his "snatched" eyebrows. After dealing with weight issues in his younger years, he was pretty pleased with his lithe physique, but next to Duo, he knew he looked like a stick-figure and it didn't help that Duo kept reminding him.

Heero wished he was the kind of guy that guys like Duo fell for – if "guys like Duo" could fall for another guy to begin with. Or maybe he just wished he was the kind of guy Duo – specifically – would fall for. He wished Duo would enjoy looking at him the same way he enjoyed looking at Duo. But, alas, he wasn't a "chick", in a bathing suit and high heels.

"Why is it always the straight boys that get to me?" He asked himself as he headed back down to the parking garage.

That very same night, he started work on Duo's newest video: a gym clothing haul and try-on. He hadn't edited one of those for Duo before, but he had seen earlier videos on his channel – by that point he had seen all of the videos several times – and the try-ons were probably one of his favorites, although it embarrassed Heero to admit that, even to himself. In the first part of the video, Duo was enthusiastically unpacking his order and holding up the joggers, shorts, tank tops, sleeveless shirts with dropped armholes and a long-sleeved compression shirt. The tall, muscular man rambled on about the fabric and mentioned the company's name a little too often than sounded natural; Heero knew he would have to cut a lot of it out so the viewers wouldn't get too irked by the obvious sponsorship. The second part of the video was Heero's favorite. Duo had raised the camera up high on the tripod and aimed it at a blank, white wall of his apartment and he'd come marching into frame wearing a different article of clothing every time, to pose and flex.

Duo was so unfairly handsome that it had been agitating at first to watch him show off his physique. He was tall – well over six feet – and sported broad shoulders, thick, muscular arms with veins showing on the forearms, a defined chest and rock-hard, washboard abs and his long legs were strong and toned. Heero knew Duo worked hard to look the way he did, so he deserved to be proud of it, and it wasn't like he was full of himself. He had a dry, self-deprecating sense of humor and he was a little ditzy – in an endearing way – which balanced everything out.

The man walked into frame wearing the skintight, black compression shirt over black sweatpants and Heero caught himself pulling at his bottom lip with his teeth. The Japanese man laughed at himself and decided he had spent enough attention on the tall American for one day. After one last, lingering look at the still frame of Duo simply standing there, with his arms at his sides and his hips slightly cocked, he closed his laptop and took a few more bites of his lukewarm microwave dinner. He headed to the bathroom for a quick shower and then curled up on the couch to watch TV for the rest of the evening.

Heero's life was pretty uneventful, but he had engineered it like that. His work – while mind-bogglingly complicated to others – was easy to him and he enjoyed the solitude of his car and the music that played on the radio as he drove all throughout the northeast corner of the state during his work day. In the evening, he'd either watch TV, or go to the movies by himself. That probably sounded more pathetic than he was consciously aware of. People never really paid attention to him when he took a seat in the movie theater by himself. Heero liked flying under the radar. He had spent his childhood being on everyone's radar: his dad's, his teachers', the principal's, the bullies', the neighbors'… Knowing he had become invisible comforted him.

A few times a week he would go to one of the only three gay clubs and bars in town and he was mostly invisible there too, but if he lingered at the bar long enough, nursing a drink, he knew someone would eventually _see_ him. They would talk only briefly before he'd invite them to come home with him and they never said "no". He suffered inviting strangers into his home because he preferred the safety and the comfort of his own apartment for his random hook-ups. He had gotten it into his head that he was less likely to get murdered that way, as opposed to fucking in a dark alley down the block from the club, or go to someone else's home.

It was always just about the sex. He was a guy, with needs that couldn't be denied. He wasn't looking for a monogamous relationship because he knew nobody else was either; he had been cheated on enough times to learn that lesson the hard way. Besides, he didn't mind being alone. He got to decide which movie to watch, what he would have for dinner, and he got to have his bed all too himself and not have to share the sheets with anyone.

He liked being alone just fine. At least, he did. But then he met Duo, "The Guy with the Braid". He liked the man's company, even as it made him feel wholly inadequate and insecure, and it was nothing but cruel and unusual punishment because his crush would never amount to anything. They could do their business over the phone, over email, even, but when Duo said he preferred meeting face-to-face to go over the edits, Heero had made no objections. Considering how often the Youtuber uploaded, they met about four times a week and Heero was both giddy with excitement and sick from familiar nerves every time.

Later that week he finished the first draft edit of the haul video and, after rebooting the computer systems of a laboratory up north following an emergency power outage, he took a moment in the parking lot to text Duo to let him know he could stop by to show him the video whenever was convenient for him.

As always, Duo was quick to respond to the message and he invited him to come over after work.

Heero responded with a simple thumb's up, since he had expected Duo to say he could come over at the end of the day – and was looking forward to it. He hoped he would be alone that time. Heero was about to start the engine on his car when his phone, already discarded on the passenger seat, beeped again and the screen lit up with another message from Duo:

 _ **I'll make you dinner ;)**_

His face went hot and his palms sweaty; he was experiencing a little more nerves than excitement at the prospect. He was more comfortable with a quick in-and-out visit. Dinner could last long enough for things to get awkward – for _Heero_ to get awkward. He wanted to text back with a lame excuse that would prevent him from being able to stay any longer than a few minutes. He typed several of them out, but deleted them each time.

In the end, he sent a single letter response: **K**.

Duo was quick again to call him out: _**Took you a while to type one letter :P C U 2nite**_

The very next thought that popped into Heero's head was: _What the fuck am I going to wear?_

He was uneasy and distracted for the remainder of the day. In his mind, he was already standing in front of his closet and stressing out. Duo could make anything look good, even those stupid sleeveless shirts with the oversized armholes that drooped down to his midriff, showing off those smaller, bunched up muscles over the side of the ribcage. Heero wasn't that fortunate, he needed to take a lot into consideration. He couldn't wear anything too tight, or he'd look too skinny. But if he wore something too loose he risked looking like a small child wearing men's clothes.

Thankfully, he got home early so he had time to shower and change. He decided on dark jeans, a light blue button-up and a grey sweater over top, because he could casually pretend he had worn that for work all day. It didn't make him look like he was trying too hard.

He drove to Duo's apartment building and was buzzed in at the gate. Grumbling under his breath he took the stairs, but he went slow because he didn't want to be sweaty and red-faced once he reached the top. He was out of shape, but he never enjoyed working out and his life was all about actively avoiding things he didn't enjoy doing. When he walked down the hallway he swallowed as he noticed Duo was standing in the doorway, waiting for him. Duo pointedly looked down at his watch and then smirked at him; Heero disliked him in that moment as he felt that he was being mocked.

The man didn't say anything but "Hello" and then invited him inside.

Duo was just wearing navy blue track pants and a white T-shirt that fit taut across his chest. His hair was damp and tied in a loose pony tail. He smelled of generic shampoo and a musky scented lotion.

When Heero walked in, he noticed the camera gear on the dinner table and the tall LED lights in the kitchen.

Duo explained: "I filmed as part of a vegan-dinner inspiration video."

"We're eating vegan?" It daunted Heero a little. He was a fickle eater and he was worried he wouldn't like what would be served to him.

"Yeah, I eat vegan two days a week, on my cardio days."

Heero nodded; he remembered the Youtuber saying that in one of his videos, he just hadn't realized Wednesday was one of those two days.

"You'll like it, I promise."

"Oh, I'm sure."

Duo grabbed the filming equipment off the table and put it on the couch instead to make room for the placemats, glasses and chopsticks that he fetched next. He gestured for Heero to take a seat. "Would you like wine or beer?" The host asked.

"Uhm… Wine?" He scooted his seat up to the table and fiddled with the chopsticks, wondering if it meant anything that Duo had made him an Asian-style meal – wondering if he should be flattered or perhaps offended.

Duo poured white wine in one of those modern wine glasses that didn't have a stem and placed it next to the glass of water in front of Heero. He didn't pour himself a glass; Heero was uncomfortable realizing Duo would only be drinking water and he had opened the bottle of wine only for him. He didn't say anything and watched as Duo walked two white bowls to the table and set them down on each of their placemats. The aroma of the noodle dish in front of his was appetizing.

"Spicy coconut noodles with bean sprouts and basil leaves," Duo announced as he took his seat at the head of the table, to Heero's left.

Recognizing he was expected to take the first bite, Heero picked up the chopsticks and gathered a modest amount of noodles. He knew his cheeks were flushed under Duo's scrutiny as he worked the noodles into his mouth and chewed. "It's good." It really was, thank God.

"Great. I'm glad you like it." Duo's smile was proud and pleased and he quickly started in on his own dinner. "Did you like the video?"

"Hmhm," Heero responded with his mouth full. He took a sip of wine but then switched to water as the noodles were indeed quite spicy.

"Did it make you laugh?"

"It wasn't particularly funny."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," the bigger man conceded. "I was pretty rambly. Was it too bad?"

"No. But the word 'Obeast' has lost all meaning to me," he answered, referencing how often Duo had mentioned the brand name: a portmanteau of the word "obese" and "beast".

Duo chuckled. "I went a little overboard. I was hyper. It's my first sponsorship, it's pretty cool."

Heero nodded, understanding that it was a significant milestone for the Youtuber, even if it meant little to Heero. Obeast was a gym clothing brand that specialized in making workout clothes accessible for overweight and obese individuals, with sizes going up to 5XL. From watching Duo's "Food for Thought" videos, Heero knew the American fitness aficionado used to be quite overweight, but he had worked himself into incredible shape, and many of his videos were tailored to motivate heavier people to start their own fitness journey, making him an excellent ambassador for the brand.

"Do you work out?" Duo asked; from his cheeky grin, it as readily apparent he already knew the answer to his own question.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't have any time," Heero lied. He didn't like talking about this.

Duo scoffed. "That's bullshit and you know it."

Heero shrugged, he didn't feel like delving into the topic further.

"I'm sorry," Duo apologized sincerely, "I don't mean to make your uncomfortable. I'm not saying you look bad, or unhealthy. It would just be really good for you."

Heero only nodded, hoping Duo would drop it, in spite of his best intentions.

No such luck though. "WuFei told me you had an eating disorder when you were a teenager."

The Japanese man glared up at the host. "Well, he shouldn't have. Because it's none of his business, nor is it yours," he bit.

"You're right. I'm sorry." Duo flashed a disarming smile. "I'm doing a poor job at getting you to laugh today."

Heero let a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. He dropped his hostility in response to the sensitive topic and took another bite of the delicious noodles.

"Wanna go see a movie later? A comedy?"

Surprised by the suggestion Heero comically blinked at the other man.

Duo chuckled. "Sorry. God, I sound so lame. You probably already have plans, or something. I just really don't like being alone; I get bored and that's when I start talking some real nonsense to my camera. Trust me, you don't ever want to edit _that_ shit." He laughed at himself.

He considered his options and gauged his own nerves before he boldly replied: "We could go see a movie."

The smile on Duo's lips was big and bright. "Awesome!"

After a nice dinner of light conversation –getting to know each other a little better – Duo gathered the dishes in the sink and he left them there so they had time to go over the video before they would leave for the theater. Duo watched the edited version and made some notes, but overall he was happy with the way it came out and only asked Heero to make a few small changes, which he could have ready the next day.

Duo darted into his bedroom to quickly change into different clothes and returned having replaced the track pants with black jeans and he was wearing a denim jacket over the same white shirt. His hair was still loose, but it had dried and it flowed nicely with his movements. "Let's go. You mind driving and then dropping me off here later?"

"No, that's fine." Heero had only ended up drinking a single glass of wine.

Duo jogged down the stairs and Heero had no choice but to try to keep up. He kept his hand on the railing, worried about stumbling in his haste. He was out of breath once they reached the garage and he tried his best to hide it, breathing slowly and quietly, but that only made him all the more red-faced. Duo looked at him over his shoulder and smiled, but didn't say anything other than ask him which car was Heero's.

Heero – unable to speak – pointed at the charcoal gray SUV parked in the corner, away from most of the other cars.

Duo whistled in appreciation. "Nice ride."

They climbed into the car and Duo let his big hands stroke the smooth, black leather and the sleek design of the carbon fiber dashboard. "I guess I chose the wrong profession."

Heero snorted. He knew Duo made plenty of money running his father's firearms store and gun range, and supplementing his income with his YouTube channel – the big apartment upstairs was testimony of that. From watching his videos, he knew Duo purposefully chose a cheaper car because he didn't use it often, instead navigating the city on foot or on his bike more often than not.

Over dinner, it had become jarring how much Heero already knew about Duo and how little Duo knew of him. On one hand, it made it him feel safe – knowing that Duo knew little about him meant he couldn't know about most of the embarrassing stuff of his life; but at the same time, it made him feel guilty and a bit like a perverted voyeur.

They bought tickets to a comedy that Heero had already seen, but he didn't say so – he liked the movie and wouldn't mind seeing it again. They waited downstairs as people from the previous viewing poured out of the auditorium and the space had to be swept clean of the mess first. A silence settled between them, but before it could get weird, Duo wondered: "Do you want popcorn?"

He did, but being with the health freak he didn't want to admit to that. "No, I think I'm still full from dinner."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"You didn't eat that much," Duo continued.

Heero narrowed his eyes at him, distrusting his reasons for pressing on. "I'm fine."

"I wouldn't mind it."

"I'm not hungry," he shot back.

"Will you please just get a bag of popcorn," the taller man whined. "With caramel?"

Duo's motivations dawned on Heero and a cheeky grin appeared on his lips. " _You_ want popcorn."

Coyly he batted his eyelashes at the shorter man. "Nooo, not at all. But, if you wouldn't be able to finish it by yourself, because – I don't know – maybe you got a supersized bag, I guess I'd have no choice but to help you finish it."

Heero quirked an eyebrow at him and teased: "Are you sure that'll fit in your diet?"

"Popcorn is vegan," he quipped.

He rolled his eyes dramatically and started towards the concession stand. "I suddenly have such a craving for popcorn," he said mockingly.

"That's my boy." Duo winked at him and called after him: "Salted! With caramel!"

Heero shook his head and got in line. From the corner of his eyes he noticed Duo checking his phone and then heading to the restrooms. Once he was at the front of the line he ordered an extra large popcorn – salted and with caramel – and two bottles of water, even though he would have preferred a coke. He tucked the bottles under his arm and carried the overflowing bag to the spot where they had been before, right as Duo emerged from the restrooms.

The American hovered his nose over the treat and breathed in greedily. "Ahh, that smells so good."

"Are you sure you won't regret it in the morning?"

"Nah. I allow myself one cheat-treat every week."

"And you're sharing it with me? I'm honored," Heero deadpanned and when Duo laughed heartily at his joke he felt a blush on his cheek and couldn't stop himself from chuckling along.

"You should be, this is a very special moment." Duo picked a single piece of popcorn off the top and popped it into his mouth, and then proceeded to make exaggerated moans of appreciation.

Heero's blush intensified and it didn't relent; in fact, the redness on his face only got worse as they went into the auditorium and picked their seats; Duo was so broad that their shoulders were touching. Heero hadn't been on a proper date in a while, but the evening was definitely starting to feel like one. He handed Duo his bottle of water and was grateful when the lights dimmed and the trailers started to play.

Somehow, the movie was funnier the second time he saw it. It probably had something to do with Duo, who would laugh so hard that he would snort. It was an unflattering laugh for such a handsome man, but it was – for lack of better words – cute and Heero laughed along, his own laugh completely drowned out by Duo's bellowing. All throughout the film, their shoulders touched and rubbed together as their torsos shook with laughter and their hands met several times as they reached for a handful of popcorn in unison, until the bag was empty only forty minutes into the movie.

Heero caught himself leaning into the other man, enjoying that he didn't shy away from him even though he was straight. He breathed in the aroma of Duo's lotion, the coconut from their dinner and the scent of caramel coming from the empty bag between them. He was blushing furiously but he didn't have to worry about it in the dark.

"That was great," Duo commented when the credits started to roll and the lights came on. "God, I feel like I got a work out from laughing." He patted his flat stomach.

"Yeah, it was pretty funny."

Duo prodded him with his elbow. "Don't downplay it, you were laughing."

"It happens. It's a serious affliction. I'm holding out for a cure."

Duo laughed again and they both got up from their seats. He crumpled up the paper bag and tossed it into the trash bin when they passed it. "You have a cute laugh," Duo concluded.

Heero fought against his blush because he couldn't hide in the darkness anymore. "You couldn't have possibly heard it."

"No, but I saw it. You look nice when you laugh."

Heero scratched the back of his neck at receiving the weird compliment, not knowing what to make of it. "Thanks?"

"You're welcome." Duo looked over at the other and scoffed at his expression. "What's with the face?"

"I don't know, I just-…" He shrugged. He didn't want to say that Duo was giving him mixed signals because he didn't want to risk offending him and possibly making him angry. Straight guys could get pretty volatile when they felt that their masculinity was being attacked.

"Oh, okay, I get it." Duo smirked and playfully punched his shoulder. "Look, don't get any ideas okay? _No homo_ , or whatever."

"Right. No. Half-naked chicks in high heels, I remember."

"Hell yeah."

They walked back to the car and once they were on their way to Duo's apartment, the man said jovially: "Thanks for saving me from myself, man. I had a good time. It would have been a real dull evening if not for you."

"Sure. Although, you could have gone to the movies by yourself, to keep yourself entertained."

"Nah, bro, that's way too sad. Sitting all by myself in a movie theater?"

"Hn. Yeah, I guess." Heerp didn't own up to the fact that he went to the movie theater solo almost every week, not now that Duo had made it apparent how "sad" he thought that was. He didn't want to present an off-putting image of himself; he had a good time and he liked hanging out with Duo, even though he may have enjoyed it for all the wrong reasons.

As they neared the apartment building, Duo offered: "Wanna come up for a bit and finish up that bottle of wine?"

Heero knew what that meant: Duo drinking water and Heero being compelled to drink the entire bottle by himself because it would be a waste otherwise. He knew better than to get drunk around the other man; alcohol had a way of loosening his inhibitions and he would surely make a fool of himself if Duo continued being a little too nice, compared to what he was used to from other straight men. "No. I should finish editing your video so I can drop off the finished cut tomorrow."

"Oh, right. Sorry. You know, if it's not enough time, you can drop it off at the gun shop on Friday? I won't upload until later in the afternoon anyway."

"No, it's fine. I don't mind. Sorry you opened that bottle for just one glass…"

Duo made a dismissive gesture. "Don't fret. I have someone coming over tomorrow. She _loves_ the vino and I love that she loves the vino, if you know what I mean?" He winked at him.

Not really, but Heero nodded anyway. He clamped his fingers around the steering wheel at having his face rubbed in the fact that Duo had an actual date tomorrow, with a girl who would get to kiss those lips, touch those arms and run her fingers through the long hair. His jealousy was irrational and unbecoming and he berated himself for it.

The car stopped right in front of the building. Duo got out but he kept the door open and wondered: "Wanna hang again this weekend? If my date tomorrow is a bust?"

Heero should have been offended at being enlisted as Plan B, but he secretly looked forward to getting another opportunity to be close to Duo, even if it was only for his own, shameful enjoyment. "Okay."

"Awesome. I'll see you tomorrow for that final cut."

He nodded. "See you." He raised one hand off the steering wheel in an embarrassingly meek wave and then Duo slammed the door shut and crossed in front of the car and disappeared into the building.

They did end up "hanging" together that weekend. Not because Duo's date went poorly; the opposite, in fact. Duo didn't spare Heero any details, but she had to work – she was a nurse. They would spend much more time together as the weeks went by. Duo was an easy-going guy and he easily trusted and befriended people. Before long, he had filled in all the gaps of his life that had been left after Heero had watched all of his videos. It took Heero a little longer to be able to reciprocate the level of friendship that the American had quickly established. Making new friends didn't come easy to Heero, but with Duo it was as easy – and inevitable – as it possibly could be. Eventually, he told him about the bad break-ups, the poor relationship with his family, his past weight issues and why he liked the solitude of his job.

Somehow Heero was roped into working out twice a week with the bigger man and he even made an appearance in some of the Youtuber's videos as a reference for beginners: doing the lower impact modifications of the exercises Duo was showing. It was mortifying knowing how many people would be watching him, but he grew to like working out with Duo – even if only because the view was nice and he enjoyed being on the receiving end of the man's compliments after the end of the session. It was weird having to edit the videos in which he was featured; he had to resist the urge to erase all evidence of him ever being in that gym, looking like a sweaty, red-faced teenaged boy surrounded by bigger men. The best he could do was edit out those moments when his gaze lingered on Duo's body a little too long to be brushed off as him merely studying the movement so he could imitate it.

His body burned and ached, but he was starting to notice differences and so did Duo. It felt good to have the tall American look at him, even though Heero knew it meant nothing.

Heero's only other friend, WuFei, was straight as well, but he was different from Duo. WuFei took no issue with Heero's sexuality, but preferred not to hear too many stories. Duo, on the other hand, was interested to the point of his curiosity being inappropriate; his questions were almost grotesque and Heero would always refuse to answer them, but Duo kept asking. It was a relief that his new friend was so comfortable with the knowledge of him being gay, but the man did, at times, make him feel like an oddity. Heero was Duo's only gay friend and sometimes the straight man could be inadvertently offensive with regards to the stereotypes, but Heero could never blame him for it. He admired Duo for being open minded.

Even though his crush on the fitness fanatic had fully manifested itself, Heero didn't let it stand in the way of their friendship. He had a crush on WuFei as well, when they first became friends, and he knew the feelings would pass. Until then, he would shamefully masturbate to the thought of him, imagining his body over his, glowing with sweat. It wasn't difficult to imagine what kind of sounds Duo would make during sex – he had heard him groan and grunt often enough to complete his secretive fantasies.

Heero blinked at the paused image of Duo doing bicep curls with a barbell, while shirtless. He had completely lost himself to the moment. He had to finish the edit that evening, but he had just been staring. His erection made itself known with painful throbs in his tight jeans. He straightened up in his seat and readjusted himself in his pants, treating himself to a squeeze that only made his predicament more torturous in the end. He ignored his physical reaction, but was already planning on taking a long, hot shower, with one of the toys from his bedroom, once he was done.

It probably wasn't healthy how much time Heero devoted to his new friend. If they weren't spending time together, he was either working on his videos or thinking about the man. But Duo was enigmatic and fascinating. Heero couldn't help but be drawn to him, even if it was cruel and unusual punishment for however long his misguided crush would last.

The next day, between jobs, Heero drove to the gun store that Duo ran in the name of his father, to drop off the video of arm workouts that he had been drooling over for the past three days. Nowadays, Duo didn't even feel the need to check Heero's edits anymore; he trusted him, since Heero had a good understanding of the kind of look and feel of the videos that Duo wanted and Duo knew what Heero was capable of. The channel had been steadily growing and commenters had complimented the sleek yet fun editing.

He parked his car at the back of the lot and felt as intimidated as he always did, walking to the front door of the shop, which was also the entry to the gun range out back. Heero was a fish out of water. As a victim of stereotyping himself, he was reluctant and uncomfortable to use the term "rednecks", but at a lack of a better words, that was the best way he could describe most of the people that came to the store and shot their guns at the range.

The store itself was small, with only three perpendicular aisles with accessories, leading to the elongated display counter at the back wall where the handguns and rifles were under lock and key. An older man with a big belly, big moustache and dark sunglasses was blocking the middle aisle, looking for his size in a stack of camo-shirts, so Heero walked around to the left aisle and headed down to the counter.

Seated on a stool in a corner, behind the counter, reading a magazine with an American muscle car on the cover, was the guy with the shaved head that Duo hung out with often. His name was Bryon. While Duo could be unknowingly offensive, Bryon got a kick out of pushing Heero's buttons on purpose.

Heero steeled his nerves and cleared his throat to get the man's attention, but he regretted even coming to the store instantly as Bryon looked up at him.

"Hey there, little fella," he said, like he was addressing a child.

"Duo?" He simply asked.

"Giving a demo out back." He pointed his thumb over his shoulder, even though that essentially meant he was pointed at the solid wall behind him where shot-up paper targets were on display above the row of mounted hunting rifles.

Maybe he should have just given Bryon the USB drive and instruct him to hand it over to Duo at the earliest opportunity, but Heero at least wanted to see Duo in person, to have made it worth his while to drive down to the shop and be confronted with Bryon. So he went through the hassle of signing in, as everyone was required to do to gain access to the range, trying to ignore Bryon's stare fixated on him. Once he was cleared, he was free to leave through a door to the left, which led back outside.

The open air gun range was a walled-in lot of dirt, with mounts for various targets at the far end. A wooden structure provided shade in the summer and shelter from the rain in the colder seasons. Ten spots with equal distance between them were marked on one line, with a small table by each marker for marksmen to place ammunition, accessories and other guns.

The consistent pops of gunfire were loud and startling to Heero. He didn't like being at the range; guns scared him. He didn't understand the appeal of shooting them for sport. His ex-boyfriend owned a gun as well and liked to go hunting with his brothers in the fall season. Heero was never comfortable with the hobby.

A small crowd of seven people had gathered around Duo – standing behind him – as he held a long black rifle and fired off shot after shot at a wooden silhouette of a person at the far end. The butt of the rifle was against his shoulder to catch the recoil of the firearm after every shot. He wore a baseball cap, shaded goggles for protection and bright yellow, protective ear muffs. Duo paused the controlled barrage of gunfire to talk about the specs of the rifle and then handed it to one of the other man and directed him to give it a try.

They made eye contact and Duo held up his finger, signaling Heero to give him a moment. Heero nodded and idly stood by, keeping his distance. He tried not to flinch whenever another bullet was fired.

After only a minute, Duo walked up to him, quickening his step to a jog to close the distance. He put the protective glasses up on the top of his head. "Hey, what's up? I figured you'd stop by at the end of the day."

"I was close by," Heero explained, "and I'm driving up to Gantbury later in the afternoon, so I don't think I'll be back until seven or eight."

"Oh, well, you could have dropped it off at my place after work." He accepted the USB drive that was handed to him.

"It just worked out this way."

"Wanna come over tonight anyway?" Duo asked with a smile, while he pocketed the drive. "I could make you dinner. And Bryon and I are having a Mission Impossible marathon."

He immediately shook his head. He did not want to be around the other man more often than was absolutely unavoidable. "I'll probably be tired and order in and then head to bed early."

"You don't like Mission Impossible?"

That wasn't exactly the problem, but he didn't want to have to tell Duo that he thought his friend was a jerk, so he said: "Not really."

Duo playfully prodded his ribs with his elbow. "You don't think young Tom Cruise is hot?"

"He's not my type."

"What is your type?"

Heero's face went hot as he barely managed to bite back the truthful response; "you".

Duo laughed. "Fine, don't tell me."

Ready to retreat to the safety of his car and wait for embarrassment to pass, Heero pointedly looked down at his watch and announced that he should get going. To his growing discomfort, Duo accompanied him out front and the tall man laughed heartedly when Bryon joked: "Walking your boyfriend to his car?" Duo didn't care about the fag-jokes that his friends liked to throw around, because it was just a joke to him. That was one of the few things Heero didn't like about Duo: that he never considered that those incessant jokes weren't as funny to someone who actually _was_ a "fag", or a "queen", or a "sissy-boy". It was all just harmless fun and games to Duo. He didn't recognize Bryon's malicious undertone; he simply wasn't sensitive to it, the way Heero was.

"Are we still on for Sunday?" Duo asked once they reached Heero's SUV.

"Hn. Leg-day, right?"

"Yeah," Duo drawled with a sloppy grin.

"I wanna say no."

"But you won't," the other asserted.

Heero nodded. "But I won't." He opened the car door and climbed into the seat. "See you Sunday." He looked in surprise when Duo closed the door for him.

Duo gave him another one of those silly thumbs-up and rapped his knuckles on the roof of the car before turning around and walking back to the door, pausing to chat with a customer headed to his banged-up red truck.

The remainder of the day was a drag. One thing Heero did notice since he started hanging out with Duo, was that he liked his job less and less, especially the long hours in his car – made even worse by late afternoon traffic. He'd much rather be at home, editing Duo's videos. He was even starting to prefer leg-day over the loneliness of his work-day.

As tired as he was at the end of the day, pulling up to his apartment building at seven thirty, he promised himself to go out that night and find himself some company other than Duo, knowing that it would be good for him. He hadn't gone out to a bar or a club in a while and he had become too dependent on his masturbation routine to fulfill his sexual needs, which always involved his American friend as of late and only perpetuated the vicious circle of his crush. Maybe he just needed some random guy to fuck his brains out – or rather: fuck Duo out of his brain.

He leaned against the wall of the elevator as it climbed up to his floor. He'd have to resist the urge to run himself a hot bathe and jerk off in bed before falling asleep early; it would be so much easier than having to go out and force himself to be social – social enough to land a one-night-stand, that is.

His plans for the evening were thrown out the window when Heero spotted the figure seated on the floor of the hallway, leaning back against the front door of his apartment.

Duo noticed his approach and easily bounced up with a bright smile. Only then did Heero notice the bag of groceries the braided man had with him.

"Hey," Heero greeted awkwardly, coming to stand in front of him. "How long have you been waiting here?"

"Oh, only about ten minutes." Duo waved his hand dismissively.

"What if I hadn't come back until eight?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. Probably would've done some push-ups, or something." He flashed a smirk and flexed his right arm. "I posted the video about an hour ago, by the way. It's doing really well."

"That's good." He just stood there, stupidly.

"Are ya… gonna unlock the door?"

"Right!" Heero fumbled for his keys and then unlocked the door. He stepped aside to let Duo in first and Duo made a curtsy before picking the bag up from the floor and walking in. The two of them rarely spent time together at Heero's apartment – not even a handful of times over the past few months, and most of those times it was just Duo coming over to pick Heero up to go somewhere.

Still, Duo made himself right at home and headed straight for the kitchen. He searched the cabinets for pots, pans, spatulas and anything else he might need.

Heero stood and stared, not sure what to make of the situation.

As if he had read the question in his eyes, Duo explained dryly: "I'm making you dinner."

He didn't want to come across as ungrateful, but his face must have said it all, as Heero had been looking forward to ordering in, which would have been easy, fast and tasty.

Duo chuckled at his expression. "Don't worry. It's a quick recipe, and you're gonna love it. Southern comfort at its best." He put the pans on the stove and started arranging the groceries on the countertop. "Get comfy," he said. "I'll get this done in a jiff."

"What about the Mission Impossible marathon?"

On cue, Duo produced three DVD cases from the bottom of the plastic bag and he held them up triumphantly.

"But what about Bryon?"

Duo shrugged. "I've been hanging out all day with Bryon, at the store. Need to look at a different face for a bit. Can only stand that ugly mug for so long," he joked. "You are much easier on the eyes."

Heero didn't know what to think, but it wasn't unusual for Duo to show up uninvited and unexpected. It just never failed to confuse the Japanese man. The random comments that registered as "flirting" with Heero didn't help with his confusion. He knew what he wanted of Duo, but he never knew for sure what Duo wanted of him. If anything.

Deciding to let Duo do whatever he had planned, Heero headed into his bedroom and changed into comfortable, loose-fitting jeans and an old T-shirt. He didn't want to put on sweat pants while having company over. He returned to the kitchen and set the table, refuting Duo's protests by reminding him that it would take forever for Duo to find everything.

Soon they were both seated at the table with a large serving of steaming cauliflower mac and cheese in front of them. Even though Duo had used healthy ingredients, it tasted exactly like what Heero had been craving after a long day. The cheese was perfectly stringy and the cauliflower added to the creamy texture of the dish and complimented the tastes well.

"It's good, right?"

Heero could only nod, with his mouth full.

Duo smiled at him and shook his head as the shorter man crammed more food into his mouth before even swallowing the earlier bite. "Go easy there, bro. Don't want ya choking."

They ate without talking much, both simply enjoying their meals. Heero felt happy and grateful that Duo had made the effort for him and he liked that Duo chose to spend time with him as opposed to going through with his plans with Bryon. He didn't even mind the prospect of sitting through three Mission Impossible movies, even though Tom Cruise really wasn't his type.

They were clearing the table when Duo asked to use the bathroom.

"First door on the left," Heero answered and he opened the faucet to let hot water fill the sink, while squeezing a string of pink dish soap into it.

Duo hadn't been gone for more than a few seconds when the man suddenly shouted: "Oh my God!"

Heero's back stiffened at the shocked exclamation. He slammed the faucet shut and rushed towards the bathroom. Duo came out to meet him half way. The other man was laughing at that point and Heero didn't understand what was going on until he noticed the item Duo was holding.

His dildo.

He had never been more mortified in his life. He remembered using it in the shower the evening before and leaving it propped up on the edge of the bath tub to dry after he had washed it. Since he hadn't been expecting guests, he never thought about putting it away before anyone would see.

Duo held the dildo at the base, with the suction cup that made it so nice to use in the shower, and he wiggled his hand, causing the purple, silicone rod to jiggle and it made Duo laugh again. "That's a pretty sizeable friend you have here," he mocked.

Duo's intentions weren't ill, but he angered Heero regardless. He tried to snatch it out of Duo's hand, but the taller man pulled it from his reach before he could grab hold of it. "Duo! Don't! Give that to me."

"What, it's clean, right?" His eyes widened and he feigned disgust. " _Right_?"

"Of course it's clean, that's why it was left out in the bathroom," Heero snarled and made another failed attempt to take it from Duo.

"Do you really like this?" Duo asked, stunned at the mere idea. He eyed the length of silicone with a mixture of amazement and worry.

Heero snorted angrily, seeing as the answer should be obvious. The toy wasn't even that big but it was his favorite thanks to the exaggerated ridge of the crown and the prominent veining, and he could pop it onto the tiled wall of the shower stall. He shouldn't have been embarrassed about using a sex toy and maybe, under different circumstances, he wouldn't have been, because everybody masturbates, so what wrong with using a little help? But to have his friend stand there, holding the sex toy and scrutinizing it, was horrendous.

Heero started to get upset at his helplessness to bring the humiliating experience to an end and he was frustrated at Duo for making him feel so vulnerable and ashamed. "Give it to me," he bit and his voice cracked.

Duo froze as he recognized Heero was getting distraught; Heero used the opportunity to snatch the toy from his hand and he stormed away with it, walking it to his bedroom and hiding it in the drawer of his nightstand, as if there was any point to hiding it after Duo had already seen it.

The other followed him to the bedroom, but remained standing at the threshold, rather than stepping into his private space. "Heero, I'm sorry," he tried. His apology was sincere but he kept his tone light, trying to cheer him up. "I shouldn't have reacted that way, that was infantile. I just got kind of caught up in the shock of it. I don't know…"

Heero couldn't look at him, not before the excess of blood had drained from his face and he was sure the frustration wasn't going to cause him to burst into tears.

Duo chuckled sheepishly at himself and further explained – not realizing he was making matters worse: "I don't know why, but I guess I just figured that, even though you're gay, you still masturbate like a normal guy… You know?"

Heero spun around in time to see Duo make a grotesque hand-job gesture in front of his own crotch. He stared at the man's forced on smile and narrowed his eyes at him. He had avoided the discussion of stereotypes and seemingly harmless jokes with Duo for as long as he had considered them friends, because he trusted Duo to have no ill intentions with his ignorance. But everything was compounding and he couldn't stop himself from countering: "Like a _normal_ guy?"

"Shit." Duo's face fell as he realized his mistake. "I didn't it mean it the way it sounds. I just meant like a straight guy."

"Because straight is normal."

"I shouldn't have used that word. I- I meant…" Duo paused to search for a better term and concluded: "Average! I should have said average. That's what I meant. You get what I'm saying, right?"

At the other's apologetic expression, Heero already felt his anger deflating. He couldn't stay angry at Duo. Duo was just boisterous, unfiltered and unadulterated. "That was really shitty," he pointed out to him, hoping he would at least learn his lesson. "You totally humiliated me."

"I'm so sorry. It was just a dumb joke, I wasn't thinking. I should have just pretended that I hadn't even seen it," he spoke sincerely.

"It's not abnormal," Heero muttered meekly.

"You're right, it's not. If I had paused to give it some thought, I would have known that. I'm sorry."

Duo readily agreeing with him and continuing to apologize made it impossible to be mad at him any longer.

"It's the same as girls using one of those things," the American continued. "I know that and I'm not judging. One of my ex-girlfriends had one too."

Heero scoffed and deadpanned: "You're delusional if you think only one of them had a sex toy."

Duo's jaw dropped at the remark but then he smiled. "Yeah, you're probably right." He let out a chuckle in relief, now that it seemed the argument had come to a peaceful end.

Heero chuckled lightly as well and, in hindsight, he felt silly about his extreme reaction. It would have been better if he had been able to maintain his composure.

"Are we okay again?" Duo asked. "We cool?"

With a nod, Heero replied: "Yeah."

"Yeah? So I can take a piss now? Because I really gotta go." He grinned.

"Yeah. Just- If you see anything else in there…"

Duo shook his head. "I won't. I won't see a thing." Then he darted off into the bathroom and locked the door behind him to finally take a leak.

Heero took a deep breath and tried to push the embarrassing memory from his mind, but he knew he would get haunted by flashes of it at the most random and inopportune times for weeks – if not months – to come.

They watched two of the Mission Impossible movies in their entirety but only made it through twenty minutes of the third before they decided they were both too tired to care about the high-stakes mission the characters were tasked with.

Throughout the first movie Heero was still self-conscious about what had happened, but Duo was his usual, carefree self, and behaved as if nothing uncomfortable had transpired. He laughed easily and made Heero laugh with his observations about the film about as well.

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 **To be continued…**

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 **Puh-lease share your thoughts with me, you have no idea how much of a difference that makes.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Mothferatu** **: Thank you so much for giving this story a chance. I hope you will continue to enjoy it :)**

 **Akumu Nokami** **: Thank you so much! I'm glad to have you on board.**

 **SpiffyFoxx: I'm happy to help :) Thanks for leaving a review. I hope you will like this update.**

 **Long time fan** **: Thank you for your candor, well-intended criticism can help a writer improve. However, in this instance, I won't apply your points of criticism and I hope I can explain why without being mistaken as unreasonably defensive.**

 **Although it is not inauthentic for a gay character to have been faced with homophobia, my stories are skewed to include more homophobia than might be representative, because I think it adds a relevant subtheme to the story.**

 **An "** _ **us**_ **-and-** _ **them**_ **", "** _ **in-group**_ **-versus-** _ **out-group**_ **" mindset is human nature, no one if guilt-free. The statistical likelihood of homophobia varies between places: this narrowmindedness is more prominent in areas that lack exposure to diversity; the small towns in the Southern states being an example. I don't want to target anyone and I didn't think I had. So I went back to check and you might be misinterpreting me to be singling out Southerners. Only 3 out of 21 stories feature characters dealing with prejudice in the South; it is mentioned in passing in Warheads and Pride. All other stories contain prejudice based in different milieus, and I always provide counterbalance.**

 **My intent is not to villainize any group of people. Every kind of person is equally flawed, including the main character: they, too, stereotype as they tell their story to the reader. Everyone uses stereotypes, myself included, since it is, at its root, only a coping mechanism of the brain to categorize the excessive amount of seemingly random input it receives. While it is a tool we must reject to use in our daily lives, it is a helpful storytelling tool. Heero describing people as "rednecks" paints a very clear picture, and says something about his character: he's wary of certain types of people and this hints at the kind of experiences that have tainted his perspective.**

 **This leads me to my "soapbox". I write about the things I care about and that I believe to have real-world resonance. I take the plight of the LGBTQ+ community to heart. Identifying as queer colors a person's life in more ways than it should. It shouldn't affect friendships, familial relationships, workplace atmosphere, mental health, social standing or security and safety, but it does, and I can't neglect touching on that. Since my fiction is about two gay characters anyway, standing up for the rights of LGBTQ+ people naturally follows, in my opinion. My ambition for my stories is not escapism but to say something real and meaningful.**

 **Admitting, I love to hear from people that they are enjoying my works, but I can't write stories for the sake of pleasing the majority, to generate positive feedback; that is disingenuous. While I appreciate that fans want to read cannon fanfiction, I'm not the author to fulfil that need. With the exception of Warheads, all my stories start out as original works, with original characters. Later in the writing process they are adapted into fanfiction. Hence, my characters are regularly "OOC", because more often than not I can't adapt the characters to fit GW without losing the essence of the story.**

 **I strive to reach a point where people will love my writing as an extension of me that they can relate to or be compelled by, not because it piggybacks on existing work. In the meantime, I post stories as fanfiction because I still want to contribute to the fandom in some way, and this is the only thing I have to offer. My work archived here is not intended to be a diverse catalog of stories, it's just me practicing, and practicing includes doing things over and over, like retelling the story of "showing up the bullies". I do understand how some of my work can feel repetitive.**

 **Finally, my beta is spending her free time helping me, and putting up with my quirks, for nothing other than a thank-you. I am grateful for the help that she volunteers. For an error to slip through the cracks means that not only did she miss it, but I missed it twice. I regret that the chapters aren't error-free, but we are both doing the best that we can while balancing busy lives and getting these chapters out as quickly as possible.**

 **Thank you for reading my stories, but I'm afraid I am not the fanfiction author that you would like me to be.**

 **Batman** **: It is kind of like a sister piece to The Neon Spectrum because both sprouted from the same idea. Because I ended up also incorporating gender-identity into The Neon Spectrum, I wanted to take another stab at the same concept of someone discovering their sexuality later in life. This time from the perspective of the other.**

 **Dark-lil-devil** **: I'm happy to read that the first chapter got you hooked :) I hope you will like how the story progresses. Please share your thoughts with me.**

 **Wu the Stoic** **: Haha, I think I would subscribe :P**

 **Duaimei** **: I didn't know what else to do with the title. The other option was "I'm afraid of straight men", but I guess I just love that T-shirt of mine too damn much :P Let me know what you think of this update.**

 **Fred Freeloader** **: I take offense to the word "whimp", but I suppose it's good that you enjoy the story.**

 **Kanra** **: Thank you for reviewing and sharing your experience with eating disorders. Anorexia has defined my growing up and even though I'm healthy now, it is still something I struggle with. This story won't focus too much on it, because I wanted to keep it relatively upbeat.**

 **Moonlight** **: Thank you. It is definitely an issue I take to heart, I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about it that I can't leave out of my writing. I hope you'll enjoy some of my other recent works as well; if you like reading stories concerning LGBTQ+ struggles, you might like The Neon Spectrum.**

 **Kookiebunnie** **: More it is :P**

 **Epifonia** **: Thank you so much for your kind review! You can count on a scene at the gun range later on :P**

 **Shima Yi** **: Thank you for defending me, and for defending yourself. I hope you know that I most certainly do not believe you deliver subpar work.**

 **Anon** **: Thank you for your support and I'm sure Shima Yi appreciates it as well.**

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 **Author's note:**

 **Are we fast or are we fast? :P**

 **I apologize that you had to scroll down a bit to get to the start of the chapter; I got a little wordy with one of my replies. You know me, being concise is not one of my literary strengths. I am very thankful for everyone's support and that so many of you appreciate what I'm trying to say with regards to LGBTQ+ inequality and hardships, that truly means a lot to me, because it's something that strikes a chord with me more than anything else right now. Thank you all for giving this story a chance.**

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 **Beta: Shima Yi**

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 **No Good Story Ever Started with a Salad**

 **Chapter 2**

That Sunday at the gym, they worked out together and Duo set up his camera to record some of the exercises. Heero didn't like how others at the gym were looking at them, but being around Duo made him more confidant. Duo was so unbothered by everything and it kind of rubbed off on Heero, making him care less about what other people thought of them.

Heero was sitting low on the angled leg press machine, with Duo standing over him. His legs were trembling from the earlier exertions, but he wasn't done yet and Duo wasn't going to let him end quickly. The man encouraged him to do the final set of fifteen reps, all the while waxing poetically about it being the last exercise for the day, and how good the stretching would feel afterward. Heero gritted his teeth and let out a growl as he pushed the weight up one last time, before he was finally allowed to relax. He remained in the seat, panting hard, and Duo leaned down to pat his chest, complimenting him on his efforts.

They finished with some stretches and then headed for the locker rooms. Duo, who went to the gym nearly every day, knew most of the other regulars and was, oftentimes, stopped by other men for a quick chat. Sometimes people would comment on his Youtube channel; most would say that they liked his videos. Heero didn't pay any of it much attention. As Duo talked with a guy who – remarkably – had shoulders twice as wide as his, with nothing but a towel around his tiny waist, Heero unlocked his locker with the magnetized key on his wristband and fetched his shower supplies, towel and change of clothes.

The showers made Heero nervous. There were separate stalls, but the panels between the stalls were low enough to peer over; the taller guys could look right into someone else's stall without effort. Even though he doubted anyone was looking at anyone, least of all him – since he didn't exactly have an admirable physique – it reminded him of high school nonetheless. And he hated high school.

He picked a stall in the back, so he'd at least have only one neighbor to worry about and no walk-by's. Heero also always made sure Duo would never get to pick a stall directly next to his. Knowing how unabashed Duo was, the towering American would probably have a look over the wall, just for laughs. The overweight man in the stall next to him paid him no attention as he soaped up his big body. Heero undressed, threw his clothes over the door and turned on the shower, biting back a yelp at the sudden stream of cold water as it took a second for the water to heat up.

Duo's bellowing laugh reverberated through the tiled space as he finished up his conversation, and the two men parted ways with a classic "bro-handshake", complete with fist-bump. Heero looked away before he was caught staring. He had never found sweaty men to be attractive. He thought sweat was nasty and smelled bad. But Duo looked so good in his red shorts and the black tank top stained dark with sweat at the front, back and under his arms. Heero even enjoyed the scent of him. He smelled so manly and primal. Heero could practically taste the pheromones on his tongues and it made him _thirsty_.

He showered quickly, dried off with his towel, and put on his jeans and striped shirt. He hurried past Duo's stall without looking at him, even as Duo asked him to wait for him. Duo always took a little longer, having the long rope of hair to take care of.

Heero seated himself on the bench in front of his locker and made sure to dry his feet well before putting on his socks and stepping into his shoes. He killed time scrolling through the newsfeed on his phone, and fought the urge to look up at the men circling him in various states of undress. He mostly ignored their locker-room-talk, only occasionally catching the tail end of inappropriate remarks about "bitches". He wondered if he was the only gay guy there. The odds were likely; there was a very popular "gay gym" down the block, where he supposed others preferred to go.

A man sat down on the bench next to him, facing the other way. He was talking to his friend and absentmindedly apologized as his shoulder bumped into Heero's.

The Japanese man glanced to the side, at the bare, tanned shoulder that shrugged at something his friend said. The man was still wet from his shower, wearing only a towel. His muscles weren't as defined as Duo's, but he looked fit and good. His dark hair was long on top, but shaved at the sides and he ran a hand through it.

"Anything exciting?"

Heero flinched and snapped his head to look up at Duo who had come to stand by him. "Uhh… What?"

Duo smiled and nodded down at the phone in Heero's hand. "Did anything exciting happen in the world on leg-day?"

"Oh." Heero stupidly pocketed his phone. "No. Not really."

"That's good, I guess."

Heero put his hands between his legs and squeezed his thighs together; it was the only way to stop himself from fidgeting. He stole glances up at his friend. Duo was only wearing his jeans. His hair was still damp, tied in a low ponytail and Heero knew he would postpone putting on his shirt for as long as possible, even though it would get wet because of the hair, no matter what. Heero watched the way the strong muscles worked under the creamy, freckled skin of Duo's broad back. His shoulders looked sculpted out of marble. Heero rubbed his knees together and made plans to land a built one-night-stand next weekend, to satisfy his curiosity of what it would be like to be fucked by a man so much bigger and stronger than him. He was looking forward to the prospect of getting thrown around and manhandled – being completely overwhelmed and overpowered and having to submit.

He snapped himself out of it before his body responded to his fantasies in an embarrassing manner.

Duo seated himself to put on his socks and shoes. "We're still on for our Thursday workout, right?"

"Hmhm. What about next weekend?"

Duo frowned in confusion. "I thought you wanted to move the weekend workout to Monday."

"I do. I meant: just-… something fun."

"Working out isn't your idea of fun?" Duo mock-gasped, but then replied seriously: "Can't. I have previous engagements. Other social responsibilities. Sorry."

Heero hoped he hid his disappointment well enough. He had gotten used to spending a lot of time with Duo on his weekends, and he knew they wouldn't be seeing much of each other during the week either because of work tying them both up.

"Oh, but I'm going to a friend's barbeque on Saturday. You're welcome to join."

Heero made a face. He didn't like Duo's friends very much. They weren't all as bad as Bryon, but they were the typical "dudes": chasing the frat-boy experience without the hassle of going to college. They drank a lot of beer, watched sports and tossed a football around, while talking about "chicks" and cars.

Catching Heero's less-than-enthusiastic expression, Duo nudged him with his shoulder. "C'mon! It'll be fun. Beer. Grilled meats. What's not to like?"

 _People_ , Heero's mind supplied, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. Duo wouldn't understand; he gave new meaning to the term "a people person". Duo was like an excitable dog in the sense that he liked any and all human attention.

"Think about it," Duo urged. "I'd really like it if you came with me."

"Fine, I'll think about it," Heero conceded but he already knew he was going to go, in spite of his well-founded reservations.

"Let me know Wednesday. Think you can have the 'Food for Thought' episode done by then too? I'm sorry, I know you're busy this week."

Heero shook his head. "I can have it done by Wednesday, no problem." He'd have to work on the video late in the evenings, but he didn't mind. He would have probably ended up watching old videos by Duo anyway, to feel less lonely. Lately, he liked putting up the older "Food for Thought" videos while he was having breakfast or dinner; it made him feel like Duo was sitting across from him at the table, rambling on like he always did. It made him feel less lonely, without ever having been aware that he had been lonely to begin with.

They had coffee afterwards, like they always did, and Heero liked how Duo kept complimenting him on his work at the gym. It made him blush. Duo gave compliments so freely, but never insincerely; the man had a way of making Heero feel good about himself, even though he also had ways to inadvertently make Heero feel bad, like when Duo once commented during a workout that had Heero grunting: "Yeah, making you work like a real man". But Heero hoped Duo was starting to become more sensitive to the fact that remarks like that were kind of offensive, especially after their little fight last Friday.

After spending the entirety of the afternoon together, they parted ways. They didn't see each other again until Wednesday at eight PM, when they agreed to meet at the gym. It was then that Heero told Duo that he would take him up on his invitation to come to the barbeque, as long as it really was okay for Duo to invite someone to someone else's get-together. Duo joked that Heero could be his "plus one". The American seemed very excited that Heero had agreed to come. At the end of the evening workout, Duo fist-bumped him by way of saying goodbye and thanked him for the edited video, holding up the surfboard USB drive. Duo would pick him up at four on Saturday, so Heero wouldn't be able to back out of going.

On Friday night, Heero went to his favorite bar, where he never had any trouble scoring a partner in the past. The bartenders were always friendly and the crowd was relaxed, unlike the kind of stuck-up people that frequented the more popular clubs.

"Hey there, beauty," the blond bartender greeted. "Haven't seen you in a while."

Heero smiled at him. They had never formally introduced themselves, but the bartender always remembered his face and chatted him up whenever Heero came by during his shifts. "I've made a new friend. It's like having a pet: takes a lot more time and work than you think."

The bartender chuckled. "And is this friend exclusive?"

Heero shook his head as he realized the bartender had mistaken the word "friend" as a euphemism for sexual partner – or even boyfriend. "It's a straight friend."

"You're braver than I'll ever be."

"It's not too bad," Heero said with a shrug. "So far so good."

"Alright, if you're into that sort of thing, _bro_." Heero chuckled, because Duo did say "bro" a lot, and "man" and "dude". "What can I get you?"

As Heero replied the bartender spoke in unison with him: "Gin and tonic. More gin than tonic."

The bartended smiled. "I don't know why I still ask. Creature of habit."

"I know what I like and I like what I know," he replied glibly. A minute later, he was served his drink and the friendly bartender turned his attention to other patrons, leaving Heero by himself. He looked around the crowd while sipping his liquid courage through the thin, blue straw. He wished he had the guts to just walk over to anybody he fancied and strike up conversation with them, but he didn't dare to; he was too afraid of rejection and looking like a fool for ever thinking anyone could like him. His usual strategy was to wait by the bar until someone approached him. But tonight, he was looking for a specific type of man and he wasn't sure how to go about reeling one in without having to brave going "out there".

When he noticed a tall man with broad, muscled shoulders – much like Duo – playing pool in the corner, Heero was immediately interested. He was handsome, but not too intimidating, with a square jaw and friendly, downturned eyes. His short, curly hair looked soft. The men he was playing with appeared to be long-time friends. They were casual together and none of them really seemed like they were even at the bar to get laid, but just to have fun.

It took a second drink, but Heero kept sending looks his way, hoping he would notice. Finally, they made eye-contact for the first time and Heero blushed like a timid school girl, and he couldn't stop himself from shyly averting his gaze. When he dared another glance a few seconds later, the other guy was still looking. He smiled his way, but then resumed his game of pool.

Disappointed, Heero turned to face the bar. He felt stupid for thinking a guy like that could possibly be interested; that man was totally out of his league. Hanging out with Duo was giving him delusional ideas. He didn't even understand why Duo bothered to befriend him; they were so mismatched and everyone around them could see it: his group of friends, the people at the gym, the customers at the gun shop.

While nursing his third drink, he snuck a few more glances over his shoulder at the pool table, but Mister Tall-Glass-of-Water never noticed him looking. He did make awkward eye contact with two of his friends though.

Another man slipped into the empty seat on his other side and asked: "What are you drinking?"

Heero turned to face him with a quizzical expression. It took him a moment to be sure he was actually talking to him. He cast a glance down at his nearly empty glass of clear liquid. "Gin and tonic."

"More gin than tonic," the bartender interjected as he happened to walk past them on his way to tap a beer.

The man to his left smiled. "Friends with the barkeep?"

"No, I just come here more often than I should." Heero studied the man's face. He was nice looking, although a little older than he would usually go for. It wasn't that he didn't find older man attractive, but he knew himself to have quite a baby-face with his big eyes, small nose and chin; people usually mistook him to be several years younger than he was – that always made him distrust older men's interest in him.

The man was staring into his eyes with a hopeful twinkle, until his gaze tilted up and the light in his eyes dimmed.

"Hey," a deep, gravelly voice said, "Wanna get out of here?" Heero twisted around in his seat and his eyes widened at Mister Tall-Glass-of-Water towering over him. Then he felt his big, warm hand on his shoulder and his stomach did a flip. "Come on, let's go," he urged, without being demanding.

Heero could only nod and raised himself out of the barstool. Standing on the floor, he was even shorter in comparison to the man. Rude as it was, he completely forgot about the older man who had come to the bar to flirt with him, and took hold of the big hand that was offered to him and let him guide him out of the bar.

Walking in front, he shot a look over his shoulder, flashing a white grin. "Your place or mine?"

"Mine," Heero answered reactively.

"Your car or mine?" Was the next question.

"I have had too much to drink." He had taken a cab anyway.

"Mine it is."

Heero was led to a black Jeep and the passenger side door was held open for him so he could get into the car. The other got behind the wheel and followed his instructions to his apartment building. Heero felt giddy and nervous. He had no idea why the man had "chosen" him after not seeming particularly interested.

As if he read his mind, the man said: "After I caught you looking, I was hoping you'd come talk to me. When you didn't, I figured you weren't interested after all." Heero quietly listened, not having anything of meaning to say. "But then my friends told me you looked my way a couple more times."

"I'm shy," he stated dumbly and his face flushed red; he knew he should have just kept his mouth shut.

The man chuckled and it was a pleasant, rumbling sound, like thunder in the summer before much-needed rain. "Hi, Shy. I'm Keenan."

He smiled at the joking introduction. "My name is Heero."

"Heero," Keenan tested the name on his tongue and practiced once more on the rolling R. "That's a good name." He pointed at the building up ahead. "That it?"

"Hmhm."

Keenan pulled the Jeep up into a parking spot out front and when they crossed the street to head for the entry, Keenan's hand found Heero's and he latched their fingers together. Once they were in the privacy of the apartment, he was all over Heero, just what the Japanese man had craved. His big, coarse hand cupped his face and angled his head as he pillaged his mouth in a demanding, imprecise kiss. Soon, his hands travelled lower and he grabbed Heero's ass and lifted him up against him, directing Heero's legs around his waist. "Bedroom?"

"Hallway. First right," Heero breathed against the kissable lips.

Keenan carried him into the bedroom and tossed him onto the bed before crawling on top of him, covering Heero's body with his own. He nudged Heero's thighs apart with his knees and settled between them to rock their pelvises together. His kiss was hard and toothy, but it only added to Heero's secret fantasy of being with a primal man like Duo. Heero dug his fingers into Keenan's short, curly hair, but pretended that the tresses were long and sleek. Keenan helped him strip out of his clothes and then Heero returned the favor. The man lined up their erections and stroked them together, making Heero mewl and whine like an animal in heat.

"Fuck me," he muttered desperately.

"Yeah?"

Heero nodded. He did the necessary preparations in the bathroom before he went out to the bar. He didn't like having anal sex "unclean"; he didn't want to have to worry about having an accident and getting the sheets – or his partner – dirty.

Acting on instinct, Keenan opened the drawer of the nightstand to the left of the bed and found a strip of condoms and a clear bottle of lube – as well as Heero's assortment of toys, but he didn't bat an eye. He applied a condom on himself, and then poured a liberal amount of lube directly onto his arousal and into Heero's cleft. He dipped a slick finger into the opening only to spread the lube, not to stretch him. Then his strong hands grabbed the slim waist and he flipped the Japanese man over onto his stomach and had him angle his hips up.

Heero cried out and clutched handfuls of sheets as Keenan thrust into him in one swift motion. Keenan's big hands appeared on either side of him, supporting the weight of his massive upper body while his lower body rocked into Heero without a moment's pause to let him adjust to the invasion. It hurt, but it was precisely the way Heero had imagined sex with Duo would be like, because the straight man wouldn't know any better. It became easier and easier to lose himself to the fantasy, now that he couldn't see Keenan anymore – he could only feel his thick cock inside of him and his broad body hovering over him, and hear his grunts and deep moans.

"You like that, shy boy?"

"Ahhh!" Heero helplessly buried his face into the mattress, silencing his whimpering and muffling his wails.

When Keenan sped up further, to the point where he was jackhammering into his partner, Heero knew that he had to get himself to the edge before it would be over. His orgasms were always much more intense if he could clamp his intimate muscles around a thick rod – which was why he enjoyed his sex toys, but nothing ever beat the real thing. He wormed one hand between himself and the mattress, and pumped his neglected arousal so he could come in time with the other. His muscles spasmed around the invading erection and he became even more sensitive to the thickness, the friction and stimulation of his prostate. He ground out expletives and bit into a fold of the sheets as he was overcome by his climax. Before long, his partner followed him over the edge with one last, mighty thrust.

The sweaty body collapsed on top of him and Heero felt his hot breath against the right side of his face. They both panted heavily. Eventually, Keenan rolled off of him and asked him where he could dump the condom.

"Trash bin. Bathroom. Across the hall," Heero breathed. His eyelids were too heavy to open, but he felt Keenan get up from the bed and heard his footfalls as he navigated to the bathroom to dispose of the used condom. He heard the water running in the sink and Heero made a face at himself as he realized he was lying in his own wet spot. He rolled over and cracked his eyes open to stare at the ceiling.

Keenan returned and started putting his clothes back on without a word. Heero sat up on the bed and watched him step into his jeans. He was grateful that the man knew he had to leave; it was always awkward when he'd have to kick a partner out.

"So," Keenan started as he put on his shirt, "who's Duo?" Heero's heart skipped a beat and he regarded the other with shocked eyes. Keenan chuckled lightly. "I'm guessing it's someone's name, right? _Duo_? You kept calling it."

He drew his knees up to his chest, suddenly feeling very vulnerable, seated naked on the bed. "Uhh…"

"Don't worry about it. It's cool." Keenan flashed him a smile. "Maybe you should make him the lucky guy next time."

Heero didn't know what to say. He resented himself for letting his stupid crush get the better of him like that. He hadn't even realized he was calling out Duo's name; the fantasy was apparently more intense than he had been aware of.

"I get it. You're shy."

"He's straight," Heero clarified and he frowned at his bitter tone.

"That sucks."

"… Yeah," he agreed. He yelped when Keenan grabbed his ankles and pulled him to the edge of the bed where the man suddenly locked their mouths together for a final kiss.

After the kiss, Keenan pointedly look down at the smear of come on Heero's stomach and smirked. "Well, I'm glad you had fun anyway. I had fun too. Thanks."

"You're welcome." He scrunched his face up at the dumb response.

Keenan waved his hand goodbye and walked out of the bedroom. A few seconds later, Heero heard the front door close.

He got up from the bed and winced at the growing soreness in his lower body. He ripped the soiled sheets off the bed and carried the bundle to the hamper in the bathroom. He took a long, hot shower to thoroughly clean himself and relax under the warm spray. When his legs started to feel like Jello – he could barely keep himself upright – he turned off the water, halfhearted dried himself off. He then grabbed clean sheets from the linen closet before curling up in bed, wrapping himself up in the sheets. He couldn't be bothered to properly tuck them under the mattress.

When Heero woke up, it was already noon and he felt like crap. He wasn't much of a drinker, so those three gin and tonics had wreaked havoc on his body. Keenan had done some damage as well: along with his dry throat and throbbing headache, his ass was painfully sore. He buried his face in his palms as he remembered, with shame, Keenan pointing out to him that he had cried out Duo's name. Duo, the straight friend who freaked out at the realization Heero liked stuff up his ass. What a hopeless, foolish crush, he berated himself.

He got up to make himself coffee and a simple breakfast that he could stomach, after drinking plenty of water with his double Advil. As he stood in the kitchen, leaning the small of his back against the counter – not wanting to sit down on his abused ass – he noticed something was scribbled on the notepad stuck to the refrigerator door where he kept track of what groceries he needed. He stepped closer and blinked at it, cradling the steaming mug of coffee in his hands.

The string of digits he deciphered as a cellphone number and underneath was written: _I'll be your Duo ;)_

The thought alone made his stomach turn with humiliation. He ripped the sheet of paper off the notepad, crumpled it up and tossed it into the trash.

With a groan, he remembered the barbeque he was supposed to attend with his straight friend; he ran the options of excuses to back out through his head, but he knew Duo would fall for none of them. He had no choice but to suffer the social gathering, even though he felt less up to it than ever. In preparation, he took a long bath to ease the soreness in his lower half and deal with the headache. Knowing it was hot outside, he dressed in ripped jeans and a simple T-shirt, hoping the outfit would keep him cool but also help him blend in with the crowd that he predicted to be exclusively straight. He had no idea why Duo invited him to come along; his friends would just give the tall man shit about his bringing him along – supposedly all in good fun.

Duo was a little late to come pick him up and apologized profusely for making him wait, but Heero didn't mind. He had been perfectly content sitting on his couch, staring into thin air. Outside it wasn't only hot, it was humid too and Heero wished he had been confident enough to wear shorts, like Duo. But unlike Duo, he didn't have calves like a Greek god; instead, he still had stick-thin ankles, in spite of the leg workouts they had been doing together.

Duo drove them to the park by the lake, a popular hanging spot on warm summer days for many. Picnic blankets dotted the lawn – spots by the trees were coveted for the shade – and in the open space that was left, people were tossing Frisbees and footballs back and forth. Heero followed Duo to the lakeside where a group of men and women in their early and late twenties were gathered by a picnic table and smoking barbeque.

When one of the men noticed Duo's approach, he raised his beer to the sky and exclaimed: "There he is! Late as always!"

Heero stood by and awkwardly stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans as Duo exchanged "bro-hugs" with a number of them. Some of the faces were familiar – he even knew the names of two of them. Luckily, Bryon wasn't there.

"Hey everyone, this is my friend, Heero." Duo motioned for Heero to come closer.

"Ah! You brought your girlfriend!" Everyone laughed. Heero forced on a smile.

Heero politely shook hands with each and every one of them and struggled to remember all of their names. As he had expected, he was the only gay individual. All the men had brought their girlfriends: pretty women dressed in short summer dresses or Daisy Dukes, looking like Bambi-on-ice trying to balance on the grass in high heels. Only one of them was wearing flip-flops and for that reason, he instantly liked her most. Her name was Hilde and it soon became apparent she was an ex of Duo's, but they had split on good terms.

Without being asked if he wanted any, Heero was handed an ice-cold can of beer from a cooler. He didn't like the bitter taste of beer very much, but he supposed some alcohol would help, so he sipped from the can as much as he could stand.

The group split into two. The girls occupied the picnic table and cut up fruits and prepared a salad, while the men crowded the barbeque and watched, with some kind of morbid fascination, as one of them flipped the burgers and ribs. Heero soon wished he could join the girls' company instead, but based on his gender, he felt obligated to stand by and listen to the men talk and laugh and drool over the grilling meat.

They ate with their hands off plastic plates and the men drank many more beers. Duo and Heero were the only ones not chugging down beer after beer: Heero because he didn't like the taste, and Duo switched to water after two cans because he was aware of how fattening it was. The girls opened up a bottle of chardonnay and Heero stared longingly as Hilde poured the other women drinks in plastic cups. He swirled his can of beer, sloshing the last of it at the bottom.

"So, Heero," the grill-master started with a sloppy grin, "you're gay, right?" All Heero did was nod. "You'd be like- uh… Like a 'twink', right?"

He blinked at the question and shot a look at Duo for help. Duo had been smiling until he noticed Heero's expression. "Come on guys, that's not cool."

"Why not? It's not an offensive question, right?"

"What the fuck is a 'twink'?" One of the others wondered with a deep frown.

The cook laughed heartedly and said: "You'd be a twink, Tommy."

Heero appraised the skinny, pale-face Tom. He would be a twink, he concluded.

"Is that good?" Tom asked, some concern dawning on his face.

The cook shrugged. "I don't know, ask our resident gay." He nodded at Heero.

"Stop that, man," Duo interjected. "That's not cool."

"Come on! 'Gay' is not an insult." Addressing Heero, he asked: "What kind of gay would I be?"

The others laughed and one of them fired off: "Wanna tell us something, Graham?"

"Oh, shut up." Graham raised up the hem of his shirt to show off his toned stomach and thick happy trail leading down from his belly-button. His chest was hairy too. "I'm kinda hairy, does that mean I'm a bear?"

Recognizing that he wasn't going to let up, Heero figured he'd might as well get it over with, so he said: "You'd be an otter."

Graham made a displeased face and dropped his shirt. "That doesn't sound very sexy."

"What would I be?" Duo inquired with a tilt of his head, looking at Heero expectantly.

"A jock."

The American rolled his eyes at himself. "That's boring."

"What's your type?" Tom-the-Twink asked.

"Jocks and wolves," Heero mumbled.

"Ah, _jocks_!" Graham elbowed Duo in his side. "You stand a chance."

"Now, see," Duo whined, ignoring Graham's remark, " _Wolf_ sounds cool! Why couldn't I be a wolf?"

"If you stop shaving you'd be a wolf," Heero supplied. The exchange was so odd, he didn't know how to deal with it.

"Hm. Maybe I will." He flashed a cheeky smirk.

"Man, can you imagine having sex with another guy?" Graham said with the corners of his mouth downturned in disgust.

Heero bowed his head and took another sip from his beer, quietly wishing for the conversation to be over.

"I dunno," Duo said with a shrug. "I think I'd rather have sex with a guy than a virgin," he remarked, harkening back to a topic they were discussing earlier.

His friends bellowed with laughter and made obnoxious catcalls at Duo's admittedly strange admission.

"What?" He laughed, completely unbothered by their mockery. "Call me crazy but I prefer to be with someone who at least knows what they're doing, not some virgin chick who just lies there and is scared of her own sexuality."

"But virgin pussy, man," one of the others chimed in, his tone almost reverent in spite of his crude words, "it's so tight."

"I bet his ass is tighter," Duo argued casually, thumbing at Heero, earning himself more mockery.

The Japanese man's face went a burgundy red. He didn't know what to make of Duo's comments. He knew he shouldn't read too much into it, but it stirred something in his belly anyway.

"Besides, don't they say that gay guys give the best head?" He continued offhandedly.

Done with being an oddity amongst the group of men, Heero wordlessly slipped away and joined the women at the table instead, under the pretense of getting another serving of pineapple.

Hilde smiled at him and when he put down his beer can she grabbed it and shook it, noting it was practically empty. "Would you like another drink?"

"Uh-"

"Wine?" She offered and already reached for a second bottle from the cooler.

"Sure."

She handed the bottle to him. "Open it for me? I nearly broke a nail on the last one."

He nodded and with some effort he managed to wring the cork out of the top with a pop and the women clapped excitedly and all held up their glasses. He poured them drinks, finishing the bottle, so he was tasked to open a third so he could pour himself a drink as well.

"Our hero," Hilde joked and then raised her glass in a toast.

Thankfully, the ladies paid little attention to him as they continued their conversation – sharing experiences with sleazy co-workers and employers. He stood by and listened to their stories, happy to be invisible but without feeling unwelcome, or like he was intruding. Sometimes he heard the men laugh and it made his back stiffen; he hoped they weren't still talking about him.

It was starting to get later in the evening and Heero had been ready and wanting to go home for about an hour, but Duo was having fun and he didn't want to be a burden. He was considering leaving the party by himself and arranging a cab or an Uber, but just as he was about to excuse himself, Duo appeared at his side.

"Hey, you wanna go home?"

Heero gave him a grateful smile and a nod.

They said their goodbyes and thanks and walked away from the group. The park was still quite busy, even as the sun was setting over the lake.

"They were starting to get really drunk," Duo said. "Drunk people aren't fun to be around if you're not drunk yourself."

"Hn." Heero focused on walking on the uneven surface of the grassy park, having had a little bit too much Chardonnay. While trying to step over a wayward branch, he lost his balance and he would have toppled over if Duo's hands hadn't been so quick to steady him. He shot up a sheepish look.

The American chuckled. "Seems like you've had a bit to drink yourself."

"I like Chardonnay," he stated.

"Okay. Good to know." He smirked at him, patted his back, and motioned for him to keep up. "I'm sorry things got so awkward with the guys. I didn't really know what to do about it. I hope you know they weren't trying to insult you. They're cool guys."

"Sure."

"They were just curious, that's all. It's kind of interesting. I think so too."

Heero frowned at that. "Why is it interesting?"

"I dunno. Because it's taboo, I guess?"

"Isn't this the twenty-first century?"

Duo smiled. "I get that. It's stupid, I know. But we're all just a bunch of small town boys who don't know any better." They reached Duo's car and he opened the door for Heero, just like Keenan had done the night before. Drunk and emboldened by all the mixed messages, Heero let his hand rest on Duo's for support as he climbed into the sedan. Duo didn't shy away from his touch. "All aboard?" He asked, then he shut the door and walked around the vehicle to get behind the wheel.

"What did you do last night?" Duo wondered as he pulled the car out of the parking lot; they had about a twenty-minute drive ahead of them.

"Went to a bar."

"Yeah?" Duo smirked. "Get lucky?"

"Lucky enough."

He laughed. "What does that mean? Like you only got a hand-job, or something?"

"No, I had sex," Heero said, uncharacteristically candid, "but not with the guy I really wanted." He blushed at his own admission and focused his gaze out the window.

"That's too bad," Duo surmised, but he never suspected that he was the guy Heero really wanted. "Was it at least _good_?" His tone became lewd for the sake of getting Heero to chuckle.

"Yeah. It was good." He was still sore from it though.

"Did you fuck him or did he fuck you?"

Heero snapped his head to look at Duo with wide eyes and slack jaws. Duo always asked questions that Heero felt he shouldn't and it still shocked him when he did.

Duo let out a laugh at his incredulous expression. "What? That's a fair question, right? Just because I know you like a dildo up there doesn't mean you're always the bottom. Am I right or am I right?" He winked at him and then wondered: "Wait, is that the right term? Bottom?"

"It's the right term. And I am a bottom," he admitted with a red face.

"I thought you were a twink?"

"I guess I am. But I'm also a bottom."

"Alright," Duo nodded and looked like he was trying to solve a math equation. It was kind of endearing how he was really trying to understand the gay culture, even if he was inelegant about getting his information. "So, does that mean you're always the girl?"

Heero frowned at his ignorant phrasing. "I'm never the girl. No one is ever the girl."

Duo nodded, understanding his mistake. "But you're always the one on the receiving end?"

"Often enough for the other times to be negligible. So yeah, 'always', I suppose."

"Why?" Duo blurted. "I mean – no offense, but – isn't sticking your dick in something hot and tight always gonna be the best option?" He glanced sideways with a grin but kept his focus on the road.

"I just like it," Heero bit defensively. "I'm not going to humiliate myself by trying to explain that to a straight guy."

Duo momentarily raised his hands off the steering wheel in a sign of surrender. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I just don't get it, is all. So, the guy from last night," he continued, unfazed, "was he a jock or a wolfie?"

"Jock."

Duo smirked. "Would you have sex with me?"

Heero's eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

"Nonono!" He rushed to say and he waved his hand dismissively. "I mean like theoretically!" He laughed heartedly at the misunderstanding. "I wasn't propositioning you. Just curious to know if gays would find me hot."

"I can't answer for every 'gay'."

"No, okay, but would you? Do you think I'm hot?"

Heero squirmed in his seat, unsure what it all meant, but certain it didn't mean anything along the lines of what he was hoping for. "Of course," he tried to sound casual.

"Awesome. What about Graham, is he hot?"

"Duo!"

"C'mon! I wanna know! At least tell me I'm hotter than George. _Fuckin'_ George."

Duo was hotter than all of his friends, as far as Heero was concerned, but he asked anyway: "Which one is he?"

"The guy with the red baseball cap."

Heero made a face as the image of the sweaty, overweight, overly hairy man came to mind. He stuck out like a sore thumb in the group of fit men. He was nice, but he was definitely not hot. "Fuck you."

Duo laughed. "What? Some people are into that!"

"It's a niche market."

"He'd be like a bear, right?"

"Yeah."

"All those terms are kinda funny. Isn't it offensive though? I mean, I can only imagine the shit-storm if we start labelling chicks like animals."

"There are foxes, pussies and beavers, though," Heero pointed out.

Another rumbling laughter escaped Duo. "You're right. Although I don't think people use the term 'fox' anymore. Ew, my dad used to say that about my mom…" He put on a deeper voice and mocked: "Your mother was a real fox, son." He shuddered.

"Some guys don't like it – the labels – but it is useful at times. Like when you're searching for porn."

Duo nodded, as if everything made sense to him all of a sudden.

Heero was dropped off at his apartment building and he was grateful for the awkward evening to be over. He waved Duo off – he would see him at the gym on Monday – and then headed upstairs. He stripped down to his underwear and T-shirt and turned on the TV for background noise while he cleared away some of the mess he had made during the week. He was too restless to sit down, let alone go to bed anyway.

He couldn't stop thinking about Duo and his weird fascination with his sex life. He entertained the thought of Duo being interested in trying out some things, but the idea was ridiculous. Aside from his hair – which, admittedly, threw off Heero's gaydar for a bit when they first met – Duo as the epitome of a straight man. Heero brushed off his curiosity as part of his childlike wonder at everything. He shouldn't get any ideas just because the man was comfortable around him, even comfortable with talking about gay sex.

When the living room was more presentable again, he worked on Duo's latest video for a minute before he realized he should dial down his daily dosage of Duo Maxwell; it was starting to become an obsession that was fucking with his mind. He closed the laptop, shut off the TV and went to bed…only to dream about the braided man.

Their time together at the gym was really starting to pay off. A few more weeks later, Heero felt fitter than he ever had and, looking in the mirror, he was convinced he filled out his jeans more nicely. His arms were more toned too, not as skinny anymore. and he was glad the hard work had paid off; he liked arm-day the least, although he was always in so much pain the next day that he could barely pull a shirt over his head or wash his hair. Motivated by the evolution of his body, he joined Duo at the gym three times a week.

After a falling-out between Duo and Bryon – that Duo didn't want to talk about – he and Heero were closer than ever. Duo was a clingy, needy personality type, but not in a way that Heero found annoying, since his company was enjoyable. Duo was at Heero's apartment almost every evening and they would watch movies. When they spent time at Duo's place, they usually played video games and both got very competitive.

Heero was still crushing hard on the other man, but he was managing it. As far as he was aware of, he hadn't accidentally cried out his name again during sex with a stranger, so he considered that personal progress. Editing Duo's videos had become such an integral part of his weekly routine, that he could perform the task on autopilot. The amount of time he had to spend on the videos was cut in half once Duo decided he wanted a less busy, less cluttered, and less jumpy style of editing to evolve his channel. Duo's personality – especially on camera – was bright and bouncy enough to keep up the energy of the video without jump-cuts and split-screens.

His workday, the part of his life Heero used to love most, became a necessary evil. He had grown to resent the silence and the solitude. He didn't understand what had changed. Maybe _he_ had changed. Maybe Duo had changed him…

Heero pulled up into the parking lot in front of the gun store. It was a few minutes before closing. He had made plans with Duo to grab a quick bite to eat at a vegan restaurant, and then head to the gym for their cardio session; they had started training to build Heero's endurance up to last for a ten-kilometer run. To keep up, he started going out for runs on his own in the morning as well, but he preferred running on the treadmill, with Duo at his side; it wasn't boring that way.

He considered waiting in his car. He was already in his gym clothes – skin tight shorts that he felt were most comfortable to run in, and a long-sleeved, black shirt – so he was self-aware outside of the relative safety of the gym, where he at least looked like he belonged. But to sit alone in his car for the next ten minutes didn't seem like any fun either, so after weighing the pros and cons, he climbed out of the car and crossed the lot to the store. He didn't have to worry about running into Bryon anymore. After their argument, Duo had even gone so far as to fire him. Heero didn't know what went wrong – the two of them were close, and had been since they were teens – but he was glad Bryon was out of Duo's life; he was a bully and a slacker.

Heero pushed the door open and stepped inside. There was no one in the store other than Duo, who was spraying the display counter with glass cleaner in preparation of closing up the shop.

The tall man shot a look over his shoulder and his chagrin expression melted into a smile. He straightened up, ignoring his task. "Hey. You're early."

"Sorry. Do you mind?"

"Not at all."

"Can I help?"

"Sure. Grab that cloth and dry off the counter after I've sprayed and wiped it." He nodded at a towel already at the ready at the other corner of the counter. Together they worked to clean the glass surface and Duo thanked him for his help.

It was three minutes before closing when the bell above the door rang and two last-minute customers stepped in. Heero gasped and spun around on his heels, turning his back to the door and facing Duo instead. Panic was evident in his eyes. At Duo's questioning gaze, he mouthed: "My ex." He had several ex-boyfriends, but the man that had walked in the store was " _the_ ex-boyfriend": the one he had been with the longest, and the one who broke his heart the worst. He had told Duo the story before, so he trusted he knew exactly which ex he meant.

Duo put on a smile and greeted the two men and politely pointed out that the store was about to close.

"Oh, I'm sorry. We're just looking for a bipod." His voice was as deep and as smooth as Heero remembered.

"One aisle over, halfway, bottom shelf," Duo instructed.

"Thanks."

Heero wanted to flee to the back, but Duo grabbed his shoulders and directed him to stand next to him. Now that he was facing the store, he couldn't keep his eyes off Elton, whom he could see towering above the low shelving of the aisles. He was still handsome, in his trademark, unkempt kind of style. His messy, dirty blond hair was pulled back in a half-up do. His clothes were mismatched and disheveled, which didn't make him look bad, just carefree. His skin was sun-kissed, with a red discoloration on his cheekbones and the tip of his nose, from working outside all day and still forgetting to wear sunscreen, it seemed. The man that accompanied him stood a little too closely to him to be a mere friend, practically leaning his chin on Elton's shoulder. He was handsome and tall too, and very young, with a skater-boy appearance.

Suddenly the gray eyes shifted and Heero's mouth went dry as he stared right into them.

"Heero?" His tone was one of disbelief, but his eyes started to sparkle and a smile formed on his lips.

"Hey, Ellie." Heero hadn't meant to use the nickname, but it slipped out of him. For three years that's what Heero called his older boyfriend, so Elton would always be to "Ellie" to him – even after all the cheating.

Elton rounded the aisle and approached him. He looked him up and down once he came to stand in front of him and with a twisting stomach, Heero remembered what he was wearing. He wished a hole would appear in the ground that he could fall into, to hide from the gray gaze. "Wow, you look great," Elton complimented and he did another once-over. "What are you doing in a gun store? You hate guns."

That wasn't exactly something Heero wanted Duo to know about. Even though Duo wasn't passionate about firearms – the way Ellie was – it was his work and his father's business.

Suddenly, a strong arm wrapped around his shoulders: Duo's arm. The tall American pulled Heero close to him and he said: "Heero came to pick me up."

"Oh, you two know each other?"

Heero opened his mouth to introduce Duo, but Duo beat him to it and declared: "Yeah. I'm Duo, Heero's boyfriend."

If Duo hadn't still been holding Heero, he was sure he would have dropped face-first to the floor.

Elton looked shocked and appraised the muscular man from top to bottom. It was apparent that he was impressed and maybe even a little jealous. He was at a loss for words.

Skater-boy walked up to them and introduced himself as Danny. Elton was quick to add the younger man was his boyfriend and he wrapped a possessive arm around his waist and planted a kiss on his cheek, but skater-boy looked uncomfortable with being put on display.

"Did you find the bipod you were looking for?" Duo professionally inquired.

"Uhhh… No- I mean, yeah, but… I have to think about it."

"That's fine. The store opens again tomorrow at nine."

Elton nodded. He was still stunned and Heero was not surprised. When Heero had finally ended the relationship – after having caught Ellie cheating _again_ – the blond-haired man, in a drunken stupor, had warned Heero that he was never going to get anyone better than him; the idea of a man like Duo being Heero's new boyfriend certainly proved him wrong.

 _If only it were not a lie_ , Heero thought to himself, but he straightened his shoulders and made the best of the fake situation. He enjoyed reducing Elton to a bumbling fool.

"Let's go," Skater-boy whined and he tugged at the other's arm, "you promised me Mexican."

"Yeah, we're going," he mumbled. "It was nice seeing you, Heero." He cast his gaze up at Duo – being tall himself, Elton wasn't used to having to look up to anyone and Heero could tell it irked him. "I'll uh- I'll think about that bipod."

"Sure thing." Duo's smile was beaming.

Heero became distracted by Duo's hand on his arm when he felt the thumb rubbing in circles. He didn't know if Duo did it to comfort him, or if it was part of the act, but it felt nice whatever the case.

"Bye…" Elton said dumbly and he let his younger boyfriend drag him out of the store, but he kept looking back at Heero over his shoulder in a way that he never looked at the Japanese man before: with desperate yearning. Elton always wanted most what he couldn't have.

Heero's heart skipped a beat as – while his gaze was still locked with Ellie's – he felt lips press against his. The kiss was chaste and meaningless, but Heero felt heady in the aftermath.

As soon as Elton was out of sight, Duo dropped his arm and took a step to the side to create an appropriate distance between the two of them again. The tall man started to laugh. "Holy shit, did you see his face?" He slapped Heero's shoulder and it awoke him from his trance.

Heero forced out a chuckle.

"What a fucking dipshit. You can be sure he will be regretting a _lot_ of things tonight when he can't stop thinking about you." Duo cackled heartedly and rounded the counter to finish closing up the store.

"Yeah?" He still hadn't gathered his wits after the unexpected kiss. His heart ached knowing it was only a joke to Duo.

"Heero, you look amazing and you have an amazing 'boyfriend'," he joked, gesturing at himself. "Hell yeah, he's gonna be jealous. He let you get away and for what? For barely legal, zitty boy-toys like Danny?" He snorted.

"Why did you kiss me?" Heero dumbly asked.

"To give him something to think about. He's gonna be thinking about me fucking you tonight," Duo said with a devilish grin, "and it's gonna eat him alive."

"Oh." Heero suspected his own night was going to end up being quite similar then.

"That was fun. Didn't you say one of your other exes works at Target? Wanna go to Target?" He laughed when Heero playfully punched him.

They headed out for dinner and afterward they went to the gym as planned, but as normal as everything seemed, Heero couldn't get the kiss out of his head. He wished he hadn't been so shocked and that it had lasted longer, because with the way it happened – so quick and while he was so out of it – he couldn't even remember what Duo's lips had felt like against his. All he knew was that Duo had kissed him and that he wanted more, but he was left with nothing but the imperfect memory of a lie.

Heero went home that night feeling angry and regretful. He couldn't even enjoy the fact that Elton had been completely stumped because it had all been pretense. Elton was right: Heero would never find someone better. He found Duo, but it didn't mean anything. Maybe he should have looked the other way and continued to ignore Ellie's cheating – they would still be together. They were happy, most of the time, and the sex was good too. The only thing they ever fought about was when Heero called him out on salacious texts on his phone to a co-worker, or came home to find his boyfriend passed-out, smelling of alcohol and the cologne of another man. Maybe Heero had been wrong to think he deserved better; to think he deserved someone's devotion. If the following years of dating and trolling bars had taught him anything, it was that monogamy was increasingly unpopular and no longer the default setting anyway; instead, it was always left open for discussion. Gay couples who tried it were considered naïve. It was commonly believed that the only way to prevent cheating, and save the relationship, was to allow "extramarital" adventures.

He booted up his laptop; between the saved documents for work and Duo's video's, a folder was hidden away labelled "E". Heero had been unable to get rid of all photos of them; he had kept a couple, but he hadn't looked at them in a long time, since it was too painful anyway. He stared at the pictures, and it was jarring how different he looked in all of them. Ellie hadn't changed one bit over the past four years and maybe that was because he was older, while Heero was only twenty years old when they first started dating. He looked so skinny in the pictures, even though they were taken after his two years of therapy, and recovering from being dangerously underweight at the end of high school and start of college. He looked like a bony kid, not like an adult. Ellie called him "Twiggy" and Heero hated that, but Ellie loved him regardless and Heero could do nothing but love him for that in return.

When the relationship ended, his weight dipped back down, because nothing tasted good anymore; eventually, though, he managed to gain pounds back. With a sigh, he closed the laptop and stared down at himself. His stomach was flat and taut, his thighs were toned, the muscles in his arms were starting to become more defined. He looked good, but it didn't matter, because no one was _looking_.

Elton only looked because he was jealous. Keenan only looked because he knew he was easy. Duo only looked to correct his form during a squat.

* * *

 **To be continued…**

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 **It amuses me more than it should that this story is saved on my computer and uploaded on FF as "Salad".**


	3. Chapter 3

**TheSpaz: Thank you so much!**

 **Gnildryw: Yeah, this version of Heero hits a little too close to home for me too.**

 **Akumu Nokami: Thanks for reading and taking the time to review :) I hope you'll like this update.**

 **Wu the stoic: Thanks! I hope you'll like this chapter.**

 **Ckhushrenada: Haha, that's good enough for me :P**

 **Batman: I'm glad you like him. I don't think he's always quite so likeable, but he always means well.**

 **Chibichocopaws: Thank you so much for your review and your reaction. It's weird to defend myself, I don't want to come across as full of myself and when someone gives you a critique, you're supposed to take it in, but I think this person jumped to some unfair conclusions.**

 **Fred Freeloader: Thanks!**

 **Hikaru Itsuko: Thank you so much, I'm very happy to read you are enjoying it :)**

 **Hisae: Spoiler alert: this story has a happy ending :) Thanks for taking the time to reach out and show your support!**

 **Capuzzodeise: Thank you very much! I hope you'll love this third installment.**

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **Busy, busy, busy. Venturing out onto a new career path. It's exciting but time-consuming.**

* * *

 **Beta: Shima Yi**

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 **No Good Story Ever Started with a Salad**

 **Chapter 3**

Heero texted Duo on Monday to cancel their workout for that evening. An exhaustion had settled in his mind and body and he couldn't shake it. He pretended to be sick, even though he wasn't, and went to work because he had to. When he came home, he ordered in pizza, having no intention of confessing to Duo about eating all those empty carbs.

He was seated on his couch, with his legs folded underneath him and the pizza box in his lap – barely touched because he had suddenly lost his appetite – when he heard a knock on the door over the sound of the TV. He ignored it. Since no one had called the intercom, and he hadn't buzzed anyone into the building, it had to be one of his neighbors. His neighbors never had anything important to say; they would only nag about someone parking their bike too close to the front door, or hanging up ostentatious Christmas lights on their balcony. He wasn't in the mood to deal with that, or pretend that their concerns and complaints were valid and he would support their plight during the next home owners meeting – that he never attended.

"Heero, open up."

Heero froze at the sound of Duo's deep voice coming from the other side of the door. It was seven thirty; Duo was supposed to be at the gym, working chest and back.

"Your neighbor let me up. The old one? That looks like she's been dead for three years already?" Duo laughed at himself. "I know you're in there, open up."

He could have ignored him and later lied about falling asleep on the couch with the TV on – because he was so sick, after all – but suddenly he was angry with Duo for showing up uninvited and demanding to be let into the apartment. He felt like giving him a piece of his mind – actually, he was really angry about that kiss that he never should have happened. He paused the TV, put the pizza aside and untangled his legs to get up and open the door.

As soon as the door was open, Heero fixed his glare on the other man. Duo was wearing his workout clothes but he wasn't sweaty, so he hadn't gone to the gym yet. "Why are you here? I told you I'm sick. I'm not going to the gym with you, if that's what you came for," he bit.

"Relax!" Duo chuckled at him, completely unintimidated by Heero's glare or his tone. "I thought I'd come take care of you and keep you company."

Heero blinked at that. "But it's chest-and-back day."

The tall man smiled and sidestepped his way into the apartment. "I think I can skip once, don't you agree?" He raised both his arms and flexed, showing off his impressive, sculpted shoulders. Soon, he spotted the pizza box on the couch and threw a knowing look at Heero over his shoulder.

"Don't you even dare say anything."

"I won't. Mind if I grab a piece?"

Heero was stunned once more. Duo allowed himself cheat meals once in a while, but never pizza, because that was one of the worst and his number one weakness. "… Sure. If you dare."

"I already had a quinoa salad with grilled salmon, so I'm full. I think I can handle one slice and keep it at that." He bent over and grabbed a slice, groaning in appreciation at the stringy cheese. He moaned at his first bite and his expression was one of bliss, even though the pizza was lukewarm at best. "So good," he mumbled around a mouthful.

"Do you want something to drink with that?"

"A beer?"

"I don't have beer." Heero usually kept beer in the fridge for Duo, but he ran out last week and he hadn't felt like doing groceries that weekend. "I have wine."

Duo plopped down on the couch and studied the frozen TV screen. "That'll get the job done too."

With his anger deflated, Heero poured them both a glass of red wine and he sat himself down on the far end of the couch. He was about to press play when Duo stopped him.

"Are you really sick, or are you sick about bipod-man?"

"Elton," Heero informed.

"I know his name," Duo said with a roll of his eyes. "So which one is it?" Heero shrugged miserably. He didn't want to say anything, but that in itself was an answer to Duo's question. "I thought so. Is there anything I can do?" Heero shook his head and refused to make eye contact. "Wanna just watch TV and get drunk together?"

He had planned on watching TV and getting drunk alone, but that didn't feel like a good plan anymore – he didn't want Duo to leave. So, he nodded.

"Cool." Duo toed off his shoes and made himself comfortable on the couch. "You should finish that pizza before it gets cold."

"I'm full." He couldn't be, not really; he hadn't even eaten one complete slice, but he felt full anyway, like eating more would make him nauseous. Maybe because, just like Duo, he wasn't really used to the fatty stuff anymore.

"Mind if I grab another piece?" Heero raised his eyebrow at him. "C'mon, don't give me any grief."

"No judgment. Go right ahead."

Duo ate two more slices of pizza while they finished watching the talk show Heero had on. After that, he switched the channel to a stand-up comedy performance by a famous comedian; in the meantime, they made their way through the first, and then the second, bottle of wine. Duo was pretty much laughing throughout and it elevated Heero's mood. He was able to stop thinking about all the things he didn't want to think about anymore, and he chuckled along. The comedian went from one mundane topic to another, and for each, he had a funny anecdote that had the crowd roaring with laughter, and Duo as well.

" _I love going shopping with my mom,"_ the comedian started with a cheeky grin and he already had people giggling. _"No, no, I'm serious! She has such a naughty sense of humor. Last time, we walked into the store and I told her she could have whatever she wanted and the lady behind the counter went all doe-eyed thinking that I'm just the best son ever. My mom picked a coat and went into the dressing room and she called me over."_ He puts on a silly voice and calls: _"Come over, dear, come have a look."_ The crowd laughed at his impression. _"And I got into the dressing room with her and she held her hand up and I gave her a high-five. Then she stepped out of the dressing room, covering her face with her hand as if I had slapped her and mumbled pathetically: 'I won't be taking the jacket…'"_

Duo cackled at the joke, as did the crowd.

" _It's all fun and games, until I read the tabloids the next day."_

Duo and Heero both laughed.

The comedian continued, talking about how women like to gossip and gave ridiculous examples, until he shared a story about himself as a teenager and how he told a friend about a strange dream he had about crab. As the story was passed from one person to the next, it got progressively worse and it eventually sprouted a rumor that he was gay. The way it evolved from a silly dream about a crab, to him being mistaken for a closeted homo at school was hilarious. From that point, he delved further into the topic of homosexuality, and that was when Heero started to become uncomfortable; he didn't know where the joke would end up and he didn't like how the comedian kept stressing that he absolutely wasn't gay.

The comedian talked about his gay roommate in college, and he did impersonations of an over-the-top stereotypical character that had Heero cringing, but Duo never stopped laughing.

" _So, one night, I wake up because I feel something under the sheets and something is touching me. It scared the shit out of me, so I kicked the blanket away from me to find my roommate in bed with me…"_ he paused for effect, _"Sucking my cock!"_

A roar of shocked laughter passed through the crowd and Duo's face had gone red from laughing.

" _I was like: 'What the fuck dude!'"_ And then he imitated his roommate trying to apologize and explain himself, supposedly with a mouthful of dick. _"And I told him: 'You finish up down there and then get the fuck out!'"_

Duo slapped his thigh and doubled over in laughter. "Oh, man… This guy is hilarious!" He exclaimed.

Heero chuckled awkwardly. He was drunk, but not drunk enough to find it funny. The comedian's offensive impersonations of his gay roommate had turned him off from the comedy. He wondered if Duo saw him that way, and he couldn't stop himself from imagining Duo mocking him the way the comedian mocked his former roommate: letting his hands dangle limply off his wrist, putting on duck-lips and walking across the stage with shuffled little footsteps while swaying his hips exaggeratedly, and popping his butt out when he stood still.

"Have you ever done that?" Duo asked out of the blue.

The question caught Heero off-guard and he wasn't sure what the other was referring to. "Sorry, what?"

"Have you ever done anything with a straight friend?"

A blush heated up his cheeks. "My only other straight friend is WuFei," he said, as if that answered everything – in a way, it did.

Duo scrunched up his face, understanding that obviously, nothing would've ever happened between Heero and WuFei; the Chinese man was far too straight-laced for that sort of thing. Then he smirked and finished his glass of wine before he spoke: "You kinda did do something with a straight friend."

Heero frowned at him.

The American gestured between the two of them. "We kissed."

Technically, that was true, but Heero didn't think that it counted. It was for show, for starters, and it barely qualified as a kiss seeing how short it lasted. He could hardly remember it happening. He told Duo as much.

"I guess that's true," Duo said, agreeing that the kiss didn't count. "If I were to really lay one on ya, you would definitely remember it." He winked at him.

The heat on Heero's face spread down to his chest and belly. "Yeah?"

"Ohhh, yeah," Duo drawled. He leaned forward and emptied the bottle of red wine in his glass. In two gulps the liquid was gone and he sat back with a satisfied sigh. Absentmindedly, he remarked: "I'm an excellent kisser."

"Me too," Heero shot back, acting on instinct – alcohol-fueled instinct. He couldn't stop staring at his friend, alternating his gaze between the man's eyes and his lips. He wanted to kiss him again, but properly, so he could preserve and treasure the memory.

Duo chuckled, seemingly completely unaware of the change in the atmosphere. "I bet you are," he said lightly.

"I can show you." That was the wine talking.

Duo laughed heartedly, mistaking the offer for a joke. He wasn't even looking at Heero; he was looking at the television, mostly absorbed into the comedian's next anecdotes after the commercials had wrapped. "Better not. You're totally one of those gay guys that could _turn_ a straight dude." He flashed Heero a grin, looking at him only briefly with mirthful eyes. "Can't risk it."

Oh, how Heero wished he could turn a straight man gay with a single kiss. If that were the case, he would have planted one on Duo's lips months ago. Heck, he would have even forced himself on WuFei in college. Without pausing to consider his actions – the way he should have – Heero shifted up on his knees and crawled across the couch towards where Duo sat at the other end.

Finally, Duo peeled his gaze away from the television and faced the Japanese man with a frown, a crooked smile and clouded eyes. For the first time his stare darted down to Heero's parted lips and the gaze lingered before he looked up into Heero's eyes again. He let out an uncertain chuckle at their proximity. "What are ya doing?"

Heero didn't say anything. He settled back on his calves and leaned forward to close the remaining distance between them. He angled his head to make their faces fit together and he touched his lips to Duo's. The smell and taste of wine was heavy between them and intoxicated him further. Duo's lips were unresponsive, but soft and he sensually moved his own lips against them.

"Wha-?" Duo opening his mouth to speak presented an opportunity that Heero abused. He let his tongue slip into the other man's mouth to deepen the kiss and pour months of longing into it. He placed his hand on the back of Duo's neck and pressed his nose into Duo's cheek as the kiss intensified. Duo started to respond, moving his lips and fighting Heero's tongue with his, until he finally took control over the kiss and returned the favor to explore Heero's mouth. The shorter man moaned into the kiss. He wished Duo would lay his big hands on him, but the man kept them in his lap. With his free hand Heero caressed Duo's broad chest, loving the feel of the hard muscle under the soft cotton of his black shirt.

They parted for breath, both panting. Heero opened his eyes to stare into Duo's. His heart swelled with hope. He leaned in to resume their kiss, but that was when Duo reeled his head back and a mischievous grin appeared on his kissable lips. "You _are_ a good kisser," the man said with comedic inflection.

Heero couldn't speak. He didn't want to speak and he didn't want Duo to speak either. He wanted to keep kissing him, but when he dipped his head down again, Duo turned his face away with a chuckle. Finally, Duo brought his hands up. but only to push Heero back.

"Alright, cowboy, that's enough." Duo patted his shoulder amicably, oblivious to Heero's expression of longing. "Just give it up. I passed the test. You can't turn me gay after all." He beamed a smile at him. Heero crawled back to his corner of the couch, feeling shameful and mortified. Subconsciously he touched his fingers to his lips. He definitely wouldn't forget about their kiss that time around. "Fuck, we are _drunk_ ," Duo declared with a laugh. "Actually, I might be on a pizza-high. Too many carbs and my body is converting them all into sugar."

Duo continued to watch and be amused by the comedian on TV, but Heero couldn't focus on the jokes. All he could think about was the kiss. He didn't know what had gotten into him; he never thought he would be so bold. He couldn't decide if he regretted it or not, but he predicted it would cause him nothing but headache and heartache, ultimately. Duo kissed him back, but he also ended the kiss and, with the way he was acting in the aftermath, it didn't seem to affect him in the slightest. It was just another joke to Duo.

Heero hugged his knees to his chest and shrank into himself. He forced himself to look to the television when all he wanted to look at was Duo and search his face for clues, in the vain hope that maybe the kiss had meant something to him as well.

Twenty minutes later the comedian said his goodbye and left the stage while receiving a standing ovation.

Duo stretched his legs out and raised his arms high, popping his joints. He yawned without bothering to cover his mouth. "It's late…" he said.

It was almost midnight, so Heero supposed Duo was right, although he himself had always been a bit of a night owl and would usually not go to bed before midnight anyway.

"Do you mind if I crash on your couch?"

Heero blinked at him. "Why?"

"I've had about a bottle worth of wine," Duo replied with a giggle, "I can't drive."

"You can get a cab, or an Uber."

"Please? It's such a hassle. I could fall asleep right here, right now."

"I mean, sure, I guess. If you don't mind sleeping on a couch." Should he offer to share his queen bed with him? Was that what Duo was angling for?

"Not at all. It's a pretty comfy couch."

Heero preferred for Duo to just go home and leave him alone with his thoughts, but he couldn't kick his friend out. "Okay. I'll get you a blanket and a pillow."

"Thanks. Is the bathroom clear for me to take a leak?"

"Yeah."

They both got up. Duo went to the bathroom and Heero fetched an extra pillow from his bed and a blanket from the closet and he placed them both on the couch.

Duo walked back into the living room. "Thanks, man." He plopped down on the couch and wrapped himself in the blanket, staring up at Heero with a contented grin.

"No problem."

"What time are you getting up?"

"Uhm…" He paused in thought as he tried to remember his schedule of appointments for the next day. "Eight. I don't have to be in Halton until nine thirty."

"Perfect." Duo set the alarm on his phone in accordance. "I'll be out of your way first thing, I promise." He settled back down and shifted around to find a comfortable position. He nuzzled his nose into the pillow and remarked: "Smells like you."

"I'm sorry. I should have put a clean pillowcase on it." He moved to do as much but Duo's words stopped him.

"Nah, don't bother. Smells nice." He sighed pleasantly and closed his eyes. "G'night, Heero."

"… Goodnight."

Heero didn't sleep at all that night. He couldn't shake the thought that Duo was in his living room, nor could he stop thinking about the kiss. Even though he should know better – and he did – he couldn't help but fantasize that Duo was lying on his couch, staring up at the ceiling – just like Heero – thinking about him; thinking about their kiss as well. It was actually nothing but cynical that Heero wanted to believe that Duo wouldn't have let him kiss him – never mind have kissed him back – if he wasn't open to exploring a different side of his sexuality. Duo had always been cool with Heero's homosexuality and had never shied away from touches or sexual innuendo, no matter how uncomfortable it made other straight men. It was just a testimony to his level of comfort and confidence with his own sexuality and masculinity, and Heero had to get that through to his thick skull.

At around three AM he had to use the bathroom, so he snuck out of his room as quietly as he could. He paused in the hallway and listened. Duo was snoring – he was fast asleep, not worrying about anything, not pining over anyone, least of all Heero.

In the morning he was out of bed half an hour before his alarm went off. He couldn't stand it anymore. He had been restless all night. He took a shower – Duo slept through everything – and fretted over what he was going to wear. Every little detail mattered to Heero after that kiss, in spite of the fact that nothing had changed for Duo. As if wearing the right pair of jeans with a flattering sweater would be the thing to seal the deal and convince Duo to give kissing him another chance.

He was being pathetic and he was well aware of it, yet powerless to stop himself from acting on childlike delusions.

He exited his bedroom again at precisely eight o'clock, at the exact same moment that Duo's alarm went off.

Duo was startled awake by the shrill beeps produced by his phone and he flung his arm to the side reactively, but rather than finding his nightstand, he encountered nothing but empty air and nearly rolled off the couch. He pushed himself up on his elbows and cracked his eyes open to study his surroundings with a confused frown.

"Good morning," Heero greeted, his tone flat.

"Nnnn…" Duo dropped back down and scrubbed his face with his hands. In the meantime, his alarm was still going off and he appeared in no rush to silence it.

"Can you turn that noise off?" The Japanese man asked irritably.

"Sorry… yeah," he croaked and he blindly searched the floor for his phone. Finally, the beeping stopped.

Heero went into the kitchen and flicked on the coffee machine. He stood by and waited for the light to stop blinking, indicating that the water was at the right temperature. He didn't think he could stomach a solid breakfast, although he wasn't sure if it were the effects of last night's drinking, or the memory of last night's kiss, that nauseated him.

"I'm hungover," Duo declared with a gruff voice. He had yet to get up from the couch.

"You're not used to drinking."

"That is… accurate." With a groan he sat up. His clothes were disheveled, the blanket was bundled around his legs and his hair was a mess. "I'm regretting that pizza right about now." He excused himself to go to the bathroom and was in there for a long time.

Heero thoughtfully sipped his coffee and when he heard the toilet flush he prepared a cup for Duo as well. The machine had just finished pouring the black brew when Duo returned to the living room. His face didn't look any better but he had at least fixed his hair.

"You might not wanna go in there for a bit," he said with a crooked, sheepish grin – too wrecked to tilt both corners of his mouth up in a smile. "Sorry."

"It's fine. Are you okay?" Heero held out the cup of coffee for him and Duo's eyes immediately lit up and he accepted the coffee with gratitude.

"I'll live. Should have stuck to one slice. My stomach isn't used to that fatty crap anymore."

Heero nodded in understanding.

Duo stood across from him and mimicked his pose: leaning the small of his back against the counter and crossing his chest with one arm, holding onto the elbow of the other. He held the cup close to his lips and paused between each sip to appreciate the taste and the heat on his tongue. "Are you still thinking about Elton?" Duo wondered.

The other blinked. He could, in all honesty, say that he hadn't thought about his ex since last night, too preoccupied with new concerns. "No."

Duo smiled, not understanding the reason why. "That's good. Did I help?"

"Hmhm." Heero hid his grimace behind his coffee mug.

"Cool. I'm glad." He looked around the kitchen and asked impishly: "Do you have something to eat?"

"There's fruit and yoghurt."

"Mind if I get some?" Duo was already opening the fridge.

"Not at all…" He watched with empty eyes as Duo poured unsweetened yoghurt into a bowl and topped it off with a handful of fresh fruits. He ate his breakfast with big spoonfuls. "Are you heading straight to the store?"

"Yeah." Duo looked down at himself; he was still in his gym clothes. "Ibrahim will be over around noon, so I can go home during lunch hour and change and stuff. I think my dad is stopping by at the end of the afternoon too."

"Hm."

"He comes over way too often," Duo griped lightheartedly. "Retirement doesn't sit well with him. He's driving my mom crazy." Heero had only met Duo's father once, briefly, but it had been readily apparent where Duo's energetic and loud personality stemmed from. "Are you coming to the gym with me tonight? I'm not gonna let you skip chest-and-back day," he said with a grin.

There was no point in trying to get out of it. Just like Duo said, he wasn't going to let him skip on his workouts. More importantly, Heero knew he had to push through the awkwardness and get back into their regular routine; the sooner, the better. He had never let his attraction to the man stand in the way of their friendship, and he shouldn't start now. He shouldn't let himself be hung-up on a drunken kiss and allow it to ruin the best friendship he ever had. "Yeah, okay."

"Don't sound too enthusiastic," he teased.

"I hate chest-and-back day."

"I thought you hated arm day?"

"I hate arm day too." Duo let out a hearty laugh at Heero's dry tone. "It hurts," he explained. His legs and core could take quite a beating, but the weighted chest, back and arm exercises quickly added up to sore and burning muscles.

"It's worth it though." Duo reached out and squeezed Heero's upper arm, feeling the modest bicep under his shirt.

Heero turned his head away, hoping to hide his blush. Duo touched him all the time, but it was different now, post-kiss, even though he didn't want it to be and – he imagined – neither did Duo.

"Should I come pick you up or do ya wanna meet at the gym?"

"We can just meet at the gym."

"Eight?"

"That works."

"Great." Duo finished his breakfast and rinsed the bowl in the sink. Then he touched his hand to Heero's shoulder and leaned in a little closer than what the Japanese man was comfortable with, post-kiss. "You're okay, right?"

"I'm fine."

"And we're okay?" He gestured between them. "I don't want that stupid kiss to cause any weirdness between us. We were both just drunk," he said with a carefree smile.

Heero's heart ached at having the kiss dismissed as stupid, but he forced on a smile to mirror Duo's and agreed: "Yeah, no, it was just for laughs."

Duo chuckled. "It was pretty funny." He looked down and checked the time on his digital sports watch. "Gotta fly." He squeezed the shoulder once before letting go and headed for the door. With a wave he said: "See ya later, kissy-boy."

Heero sucked in a breath and held it until Duo had closed the door behind him. His stiff wave in return was too late for Duo to have seen it. He clenched his jaw and his fists at his sides. None of this was funny to him, but he knew he had to suffer the jokes if he wanted to convince Duo that he was as "cool" with, and unaffected by, what had happened as the American was.

"Stupid fucking straight guys," he muttered to himself. He finished getting ready for work and grabbed his laptop on the way out.

The entire day, he was dreading the evening workout with Duo, but he knew that if he cancelled again, the man would just show up on his doorstep again and probably drag him to the gym, rather than allow him to wallow the way he mercifully had yesterday. Duo believed in the healing powers of physical activity; not limited to positive effects on the body, but that it had positive effects on the mind as well. Duo credited his workout regimen to curing the depression he suffered during his early twenties when he was overweight. The gym had helped him through many break-ups since then as well. He had talked about it candidly in his videos.

Heero was still very much a fan of curling up on the couch with a snuggly blanket and tormenting himself with tragic romantic movies, until he would eventually become numb to his own personal pain and he'd only weep over the loss of Romeo, Jack, Satine and Tristan. Probably not the healthiest way of dealing with bad break-ups, but it worked. Or did it?

At the end of the day, he still couldn't stomach much food. He had half a fruit salad for lunch and dinner, and forced himself to eat most of a slice of burned toast that he used to scoop up some peanut butter, straight from the jar. He changed into loose joggers and an oversized sweater that he usually slept in – big enough on him to practically count as a dress. His workouts were more comfortable if he wore tighter clothes - loose clothes moved around his body and distracted him – but he wanted to hide himself and if he couldn't hide in his apartment, than he would hide in his clothes.

He arrived at the gym right on time. He hadn't gotten a membership yet; he was working out on Duo's "buddy-pass". Premium members could bring a friend to the gym, free of charge, for up to four times a week. Heero was thankful that he didn't have to spend any money, since it was quite an expensive gym. He earned enough money, but he preferred to spend his cash on the newest laptops and a new car every three years.

Duo was already there, lying on one of the red benches, doing press ups with dumbbells as part of his warm up. The long-haired man looked up when he noticed movement in the corner of his eye and that easy, natural smile spread across his lips when he recognized Heero. He got up and put away the weight. He eyed him up and down. "What are you wearing?"

"My other stuff was in the laundry," Heero lied.

"Okay. Well, let's get to work. See if we can find some pecs under there." He reached out and playfully tweaked Heero's nipples through the material of his shirt. Heero jumped back with a yelp, causing Duo to laugh and others to stare. "C'mon, kissy-boy, let's get started." Heero's hopes that the nickname had been a one-time-thing flew out the window.

After putting his gym bag in a locker and a quick warm-up they did inclined cable flies, dumbbell pull-overs, the machine chest press, dumbbell chest presses and chest dips – which Heero could barely manage and he was very much aware of Duo's hands on his waist, supporting some of his weight when his muscles started to tremble. Duo finished the session with barbell bench presses. Heero spotted him for the first few sets, but as he added more plates to the bar, the weight became too much for Heero to be of any help if Duo couldn't lift it on his own strength, so Duo asked the bigger, broader guy that Heero had seen him talking to once before to spot him for his last sets.

Heero jumped up on a nearby treadmill and forced himself to run. All of his limbs were shaky and he had gotten lightheaded several times that evening – two or three times, his vision even went black and he knew he had been close to passing out; he remembered that feeling from when he was underweight. But he didn't want to sit down like a sack of potatoes while everyone around him was still working out.

With a mighty grunt Duo pushed the heavy barbell up one more time and his spotter patted his chest and complimented him on a great work-out, even though the guy himself looked like he was able to bench much more than Duo.

"Thanks man." The American sounded out of breath. He sat up on the bench. His face was red and his bangs were drenched with sweat. He raised the hem of his shirt to wipe his face and Heero looked away when their eyes met. "You ready to hit the showers?"

"Yes. Please," Heero groaned. He was exhausted. He dialed down the speed of the treadmill until it came to a stop and he stepped off.

Duo smirked and led the way to the locker rooms.

As Heero walked he felt weird, like his feet weren't even touching the ground and he was floating across the space. He held his wristband up to the electronic lock and retrieved his clothes and towel. Duo was once again held up by a guy starting up conversation with him. Heero walked barefoot on the wet tiles and picked his favorite stall in the back. Unfortunately his neighbor left three minutes later and he was replaced by Duo.

"Are you feeling okay?" Duo asked while he turned on the water. "You looked a little weak out there."

Even though Heero logically knew his friend was asking out of concern, the question registered as an insult and it irked him. "I just really hate fucking chest-and-back day," he snapped. "Sorry we can't all bench-press our body weight."

"… Okay…" Duo clearly didn't know how to respond to Heero's snappy attitude. He focused on the task of cleaning himself, squirting the last of his generic shampoo into the palm of his hand and massaging it into his hair.

Heero rushed through his shower. His legs were so tired, he could barely remain standing, and they hadn't even done leg exercises that evening. He knew he had eaten too little, and he had next to nothing the day before and during the weekend as well, since running into Ellie. He did a half-assed job at drying himself off and his clothes stuck to his skin when he walked out of the stall and back to his locker. He sat down heavily on the bench with a sigh.

All around him the men were chatting, but their voices blended together and their words became incoherent. Heero stared at the open door of his locker. He had to get his shoes, but they were in his gym bag which meant he'd have to get up and he didn't want to. He took a moment to rest, knowing Duo wouldn't be done for a few more minutes anyway. He returned far too soon. Heero didn't feel like he had had enough time to gather his strength.

The man took a seat next to him, still bare chested. He had his long hair pulled over his shoulder and was rubbing it dry with his towel. "You okay?" He asked again.

Heero wished he would stop asking; it only made him feel weaker. "I'm fine," he grunted and pushed himself up from the bench to get his shoes, but as soon as he stood upright, he felt lightheaded and the room started to spin. He nearly fell forward but he managed to catch himself, grabbing at the open door of his locker. He blinked but when he opened his eyes the world was still black. He felt like all the blood was draining from his face and even from his brain. "… Oh…"

"Heero?" Duo shot up.

"I'm… fine…" His vision returned to him and to prove his strength, he let go of the door, but he stood on unsteady feat and shaky knees. His temples and armpits were sweaty. His stomach felt funny, like it had completely shriveled up and it was pulling in his other organs like a black hole.

"You're not fine. Sit down."

"… I have to get my shoes…"

"Sit down before you pass out," Duo ordered and he wasn't going to wait any longer for Heero to listen to him. He put one hand on the small of his back and the other on his shoulder, and guided him back down onto the bench and sat down next him. His concerned gaze studied Heero's face, making the Japanese man very uncomfortable. "You're paper white," he observed in dismay. "Did you eat?"

"I did."

"Not enough," Duo surmised. He reached for his own gym bag and produced a granola bar from a side pocket. "Here, eat this."

Heero accepted it with weak, trembling fingers and he even had trouble ripping the plastic wrapping open but thankfully he managed. He would have been even more mortified if Duo had to open it for him. He kept his hands in his lap. He didn't want to eat it; he hated granola bars.

"Eat it," Duo urged, leaving no room for argument. "And we're going to a diner after this."

"Is he alright?" Some other guy asked.

Heero's stomach lurched with embarrassment as he realized people around them were paying attention to him. He cast his gaze down to the floor and took a small bite from the granola bar.

"He'll be okay," Duo said. He reached up a hand and rubbed Heero's back, encouraging him to keep eating. "I'll make sure of it."

Duo's touch was nice and Heero selfishly and stupidly wished the man would have laid his hands on him last night, during their kiss; it would have felt so good.

When he had eaten half of the granola bar and finished an entire bottle of water, Duo was satisfied. They both finished getting dressed and then Duo took him to a diner across the street that had a menu catering to the people who went to the gym. The tall man picked a booth for them by the window and he ordered them both coffee and scrambled eggs with vegetables, and a glass of chocolate milk for Heero.

"Can you bring the chocolate milk right away?" He asked.

"Sure thing." The waitress finished jotting down their order and returned no more than a minute later with the sweet drink and a curly straw.

Duo pushed the glass closer to Heero and angled the straw towards him with a smile. "Sip this. It'll be good for you."

Heero knew better than to argue with him. He dipped his head down, wrapped his lips around the end of the straw and sucked the chocolate milk into his mouth, all the while being very aware of Duo looking at him.

"You should have told me," the other berated him, but he kept his tone light. "I wouldn't have pushed you the way I did. You can't work out hardcore like that if you don't feed your body, Heero."

He released the straw and straightened up. He was humiliated. He couldn't believe he had nearly fainted, like some damsel in distress, in front of Duo and all those other guys.

The waitress came with their coffee and told them their meals would be ready in about five minutes, then she walked away again.

Heero reached for the coffee but Duo pushed the cup and saucer out of his reach. "Chocolate first." Heero glared at him but he imagined he couldn't have looked very intimidating with his pale, sweaty face and clouded eyes. He did as instructed and continued drinking the chocolate milk. It was already starting to have effect; he was feeling better.

"You scared me," Duo admitted.

"I'm sorry."

"What if you had fallen and hit your head?"

Heero shrugged. It wasn't like that hadn't happened in the past. It wasn't that big of a deal to him. He used to be quite good at hiding his black-outs from other people.

"Jesus…" Duo sighed and stared into his coffee. "Is this the point where I should get really worried?"

Heero shook his head. He had no intentions of getting back to his old habits of undereating. It had been an accident. He hadn't been conscious of the toll the workout would take on his body after not eating right for a couple of days. He hadn't skipped meals on purpose, nor did he mean to push himself too far, the way he had.

They were served their scrambled eggs with pieces of chopped-up vegetables. Heero ate slowly and he could feel Duo watching him like a hawk, even though he refused to look up to meet his gaze.

"I'm really sorry about Elton," the other said halfway through the meal. "I had no idea that it was still so hard on you."

"Me neither." Heero wondered if it was really Elton he was upset about, or if it was mostly the empty, fake kiss that Duo had given him in the store that started it all.

"He's a dick, you know that, right?"

Heero smiled tiredly. "I guess."

"He is," Duo asserted. "Fuckin' cheating scumbag," he muttered. The anger in his voice was real and gritty.

"Maybe it's just different for gay guys."

"It shouldn't be," Duo said with a shake of his head. "Why would it be?" He countered, pinching his brows together. "You love just the same, right?"

"I do."

"You deserve to receive the kind of love that you put out there," Duo concluded. "If some shithead wants to fuck around, he should find some other ass-hat who can't keep his dick in his pants. _You_ don't have to settle for that bullshit," he said, pointing his fork at him.

Heero smiled at Duo's combative demeanor. He was a good friend and Heero knew he was lucky to have him. The "stupid kiss" shouldn't get between them. "Thanks."

"… You're welcome." He glanced down at Heero's plate and told him gruffly: "Keep eating."

Heero snorted at his friend mothering him but he continued to eat anyway.

"Isn't it interesting how differently people react to stuff?" Duo mused, while digging into the last of his scrambled eggs. Heero quirked one eyebrow in question. "Like, when I used to get upset, I'd eat more. But when you get upset, you eat less." Heero nodded. "It's interesting…" he repeated and he looked off to the side in thought. "Maybe I should do a 'Food for Thought' ep on that. Would you be in it?"

The Japanese man blinked and stammered: "What-… Uh-… How? Why?"

"We could just talk about our experiences. Me with binge-eating and you with skipping meals. I think a lot of people can identify."

"I- I-… I don't know." He had gotten used to doing exercises on camera, but the thought of having to speak – and speak about something so personal – gave him instant anxiety.

"It's cool. I get that it's hard for you. Whatever you'd wanna say and be comfortable with sharing would be great. Will you at least think about it?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Yeah, okay. I'll think about it."

"Cool, thanks." Duo flashed a smile. "Let me know. Whatever, whenever."

Heero nodded.

He couldn't finish the entire plate, but eventually Duo was satisfied that he had eaten enough and he walked him to his car. He offered to drive him home, but Heero told him to stop being overprotective; he was feeling better, after all. Duo let him go but only after he promised to text him as soon as he was home safe. At his apartment, he texted Duo and smiled when he instantly received a smiley-face in return and then he crashed on his bed.

Everything returned to normal, including his appetite. He was never a big eater, but he ate enough – Duo made sure of it too, with impromptu visits to cook him dinner. The man also kept a close eye on him during their workouts and made sure he didn't push his trainee too hard.

The "Food for Thought" episode that week was about the importance of feeding the body and the dangers of starving oneself in an effort to lose weight, especially in combination with a lot of physical exertion. Duo warned his viewers not to follow dangerous diets, like the fasting-fad, and – without getting into specifics or naming names – he talked about "his friend" nearly passing out. Editing the video was a strange experience for Heero. Duo's eyes were so big and full of concern when he told the story. It was obvious how much Duo cared about him and it was a little shocking to have it captured on video like that, but heartwarming at the same time.

With how Duo was caring for him, Heero's crush was starting to become less innocent every day. He was falling in love with his best friend. It was both the best and the scariest feeling ever. He hadn't been in love in a very long time and he had forgotten how powerful it was: how great it could make him feel one moment, and how it could totally wreck him the next. He had to trust that the feelings would eventually go away if they were unrequited long enough. He just had to wait it out. In the meantime, he enjoyed Duo's company all the same, and reveled in the casual touches that he received and how handsome Duo looked – especially when he smiled – and how his deep voice made Heero's spine tingle.

He agreed to do the "Food for Thought" video with the Youtuber, mostly because he felt like he owed him as much. During the days leading up to the filming, he was nauseous and restless with anxiety and had to remind himself to keep eating, because whenever he got in his head like that, he tended to forget. When the day arrived, he went over to Duo's place and had a home cooked dinner first. His friend talked about anything and everything, except for the video they were about to film, clearly in an attempt to distract him to put him at ease and Heero appreciated it.

Duo had set up the equipment in his bedroom. Heero had never been in the man's bedroom before and he took it all in with curious eyes. The décor was simple; no care had gone into it. The bed was at the center and there was only one nightstand, to the right of the bed. The pillowcases didn't match the sheets. There was a closet up against the opposite wall and a corner of the room was occupied with a bright red yoga mat and a few pairs of dumbbells. Laundry was tossed into another corner. The only thing on the wall was a whiteboard detailing Duo's workout and filming schedule. It was clearly the bedroom of a single, straight man.

Heero was directed to take a seat on the edge of the bed and he found himself facing the camera, mounted at eye-level on a tripod. On either side of the camera stood two tall filming lights, pointed at him. Duo sat down next to him and talked through his ideas for the video with him. At Duo's suggestion, Heero had previously written down some keywords of the things he wanted to say, to help organize his thoughts. Duo reminded him that none of it needed to be perfect and to just take a moment to gather his thoughts if he needed it, since his "stellar editor" could edit out whatever he wanted.

The Youtuber got up to switch on the camera and sat down next to Heero again, but a little closer so they would both be in frame, causing their shoulders to touch. Heero watched the image of them on the little screen that had been flipped to face them.

"You ready?" Duo verified.

Heero nodded.

Duo went through his standard intro: greeting his viewers, responding to the positive feedback on the previous video and thanking them for watching. Once he was formally introduced, Heero raised his hand in an awkward wave and he was already thinking to himself that he should cut that out during the editing process.

First, Duo talked about his past unhealthy relationship with food; something he had already touched on in older videos as well. When it was his turn, Heero told his story in a rehearsed manner. His voice was flat and robotic, but he was proud of himself for getting through it.

He talked about how going through stressful and upsetting situations could make food lose all taste to him, so he wouldn't get triggered to eat because it wasn't enjoyable, and since he was so in his head all the time, worrying about every little thing, he'd simply forget to eat too. He never strived to become as thin as he had been, but he hadn't been able to stop the downward spiral. He also delved into the relationship between social situations and eating: how his shyness around people would make him so nervous that he couldn't eat, too self-conscious of people judging him for eating too much. It started with being unable to eat at parties and then at school, but eventually he couldn't even eat with his parents at dinner anymore, and he'd lie about already having eaten at a friend's house.

As the problems became more pronounced, he embraced the power he had over his own body; that he could deny it food. Growing up powerless, with overbearing parents and meddling classmates who outed him against his will, his food intake and his body were the only things he felt he had any control over and he exercised that control vigorously. His shyness made him an easy victim. He was bullied by family, neighbors and kids at school. They'd call him a "whimp" and a "pussy", and one of the boys called him "fat-ass", because the bully knew exactly how to get under his skin. When he was diagnosed with an eating disorder, Heero had felt proud, because he had proved the bully wrong: he might be a whimp and a pussy, but he wasn't fat. That was a small victory that he latched onto. It took many years of therapy to acknowledge how twisted his thinking had become.

Duo had heard bits and pieces of the story before, but still he was listening intently, with an understanding and encouraging expression. Rather than talk to the camera, Heero faced Duo instead and he found it easier to talk that way, without imaging all the people that would see this once it would be uploaded on Duo's channel. He felt good when Duo offered him a smile.

To put a positive spin on the topic, they ended the video by talking about how they had changed their unhealthy eating habits, but they were honest about the fact that they both still struggled with it at times and Duo reminded his viewers that there was never a need to be ashamed. If anyone was dealing with concerns about their eating and maybe even worried about having an eating disorder, he urged them to surround themselves with good people and reach out for help. Duo concluded the video by stating that while his channel was about becoming physically fit and ripped, it all started with being healthy – physically and mentally – and everything else was just "icing on the cake".

Relief washed over Heero when Duo shut off the camera.

"That was great," Duo said, beaming with pride. "You did great."

Heero felt giddy all of a sudden and smiled up at him. "Yeah? I felt so awkward."

"No man, don't worry about it. You're a natural." He sat back down and patted Heero's thigh, making butterflies flutter in the Japanese man's stomach. "You should see my first video. I was horrible on camera the first time."

Heero snorted. "You were fine! It was cute."

Duo smirked at him. "You've seen it?"

A red hue took over his golden complexion. "Yeah, well, you know, for research. As your editor, I-… needed to get a feel for the channel."

"Right." Duo knew he was given a bullshit explanation, but he didn't prod or tease further, he just smiled knowingly. "Do you want some wine?"

Heero was jittery and some alcohol would definitely help. "Yes, please."

"C'mon." Duo got up and gestured for Heero to follow him.

They went back into the living room and Heero was ordered to take a seat on the couch while Duo retrieved a bottle of wine. When the American walked out of the kitchen carrying a bottle and only a single glass, Heero objected: "Oh no, you are not going to make me drink alone. I can do that pathetic shit at home, thankyouverymuch."

Duo chuckled at his unusually high energy. He went back to get a second glass and then sat down next to Heero – closer than was necessary on the big couch. He poured them both wine and then clanged their glasses together in a wordless toast. They both took a big gulp and then laughed. "How are you feeling about all this?"

Heero looked into his wine thoughtfully, swirling the glass in his hand. "Pretty good, surprisingly."

"Feels kinda good, right? Unloading on camera? It's a bit like keeping a diary. When you put it 'out there', it's no longer as bad in here." Duo tapped his finger against his temple, indicating his mind. Heero nodded in agreement. "Take however long you need to edit it, and you can do whatever you want."

"Thanks, I appreciate that." Heero was certain he'd come to regret agreeing with filming the video at a few separate points during the editing process, but he shouldn't let that stop him and prevent Duo from uploading it. Given some time, it should be alright.

They talked more and drank more. Duo opened a second bottle of wine. Heero was a lightweight and he was already drunk, but he couldn't read Duo; his hand was still steady as he poured him the first glass from the second bottle. Like Heero, he was giggly, but Duo was always giggly. The man's face was a little redder than usual though.

It was starting to get late, but Heero didn't want to go home. He enjoyed his soft-spoken conversation with Duo – their voices almost reduced to whispers – and he loved how closely he was allowed to lean, close enough to feel the warmth radiate from Duo's bigger body. Heero sat sideways on the couch, facing Duo, with his knees drawn up to his chest. He made less and less eye contact with his friend because every time he did, his mind went blank and he could only stammer; it was embarrassing although it didn't seem like Duo even noticed.

Duo was the opposite; he was staring. His warm gaze never left Heero's face. Even without looking, Heero could feel it burning.

The conversation lulled. Heero stared at the rips in his jeans, right over the knee, and Duo stared at Heero.

"Remember last time we got drunk like this?" Duo spoke.

When Heero finally looked at him he spotted the lopsided smirk. His heart skipped a beat and his stomach dropped. Inwardly, he wondered why Duo would bring it up; he wondered what he was getting at. Other than calling him "Kissy-boy" consistently over the past few weeks, Duo had never talked about that evening.

"You kissed me," Duo reminded him, as if Heero would ever forget.

"Hmhm."

"… I kissed you back." His words were breathless.

Heero blinked at him, still unable to read him. His smile was gone but he was still shamelessly staring. "You did."

His lips spread into a goofy grin again. "That was wild, huh?"

"Pretty wild," Heero agreed mildly, still not sure what to make of the exchange.

Duo chuckled; a deep, pleasant sound. He stared for a moment longer, then he took Heero's wine glass from him and set both glasses on the coffee table. Heero's heart started to race and his breath hitched in his throat when Duo scooted closer.

"You were pretty good," Duo whispered, bringing his lips closer and closer to Heero's.

"Thanks," he replied with strained voice.

"I'm drunk and horny," the American disclosed.

"Okay," he retorted dumbly. Whenever Duo spoke, he could feel his warm breath spread across his face. He would have gladly kissed him and the temptation was killing him, but memories of the previous time stopped him. His heart still clenched remembering how Duo had pushed him away and how he had brushed it off as a drunken mistake. Heero didn't want to make another drunken mistake, regardless of how good it would feel in the moment.

Another chuckle escaped Duo. "I want you to put those pretty lips on mine, kissy-boy."

"Nnn." Heero worried his bottom lip between his teeth.

"You don't mind kissing me, right?"

"… No," he sighed. He was determined not to be the one to close the distance between them. If another mistake was going to happen, Duo was going to have to be the one to make it happen. That was the only way he could justify it for himself.

He closed his eyes when Duo's warm hand slipped around his neck and pulled him closer until their lips met. Duo effortlessly worked Heero's pliant mouth open and coaxed his tongue to dance with his and take turns exploring each other's mouths. His hand remained on the back of Heero's neck, anchoring him into the kiss. The Japanese man straightened his legs out as the folded-up position of his leg made the growing erection in his jeans painful. He received and returned the kiss eagerly, but he was afraid to reach out his hands and touch Duo – afraid of doing something that would cause him to stop like last time. Duo's breaths came harshly out of his nose and brushed down Heero's cheek, and the man was making small, satisfied noises. It was a heady experience that Heero knew he would never get enough of.

Heero yelped when two strong hands grabbed his hips and he was maneuvered into Duo's lap, straddling his thighs. He reactively locked his arms around Duo's neck. Normally, when he was perched on someone's lap, he would grind his ass down and simultaneously push his pelvis forward, providing himself friction against his partner's stomach; but with Duo, he was conscious not to let him feel his erection, very much aware that it could freak him out.

Duo disconnected their mouths and relocated his lips to Heero's craned neck, searching for the most sensitive spots that he kissed and sucked. The other moaned helplessly and he squirmed on top of him. He wanted to make Duo feel good and he was curious about touching him, so he let one hand trail down his chest and abdomen and then boldly pressed the heel of his palm against the hard bulge in Duo's dark jeans. Heero's own arousal pulsed at the sound Duo made in response to the touch. He bit his lip but couldn't silence his own, pathetic whine. He kneaded Duo through the thick denim, feeling how hot and hard he was. Heero moaned gratuitously at the mere thought of having that cock in his hand, in his mouth, in his ass… Every fantasy of the past few months flashed behind his closed eyelids.

Thankfully, Duo's lips found his again and they resumed their passionate kiss.

While massaging Duo with one hand, he reached down with his other to cup and squeeze himself through his jeans. He was aching and he couldn't resist offering himself some relief. His gasp interrupted their kiss when Duo's hand covered his on the front of his jeans, giving him more leverage to rock against.

"Ahh, Duo…" He dropped his head down, burying his face in the crook of Duo's neck. He greedily breathed in his masculine scent. When he removed his own hand, it was replaced by Duo's and strong fingers explored the shape of his manhood through his jeans. Heero's eyes fluttered open in surprise when Duo popped the button and then lowered the zipper. Before he could say anything, his cock was pulled out of his underwear and enveloped by the big hand and he cried out and bit into Duo's shoulder. It felt so good to finally have Duo touching him in one of the ways he had always dreamed about.

The man didn't seem shy or unsure. He uttered "This is trippy," but he didn't stop. He released him only to spit into his hand to make his palm slick, and then wrapped his fist around Heero's length again and started pumping.

"Oh, God… Oh, God!" Heero bucked his hips involuntarily, thrusting himself into the tunnel of Duo's hand. His eyes were closed but he saw bright stars and fireworks and the pleasure built quickly, as did the pressure in his belly. Before he even realized it was happening, he was coming. His orgasm completely caught him off guard and overcame him. He let out a shrill cry at the peak. Duo's hand only faltered momentarily and then eased him through his orgasm, dutifully pumping his fist until the last of his semen spurted out. Heero's head rested on Duo's shoulder, he had his mouth wide open to breathe and moan and he was drooling on his shirt. One of Heero's hands was still in Duo's lap, but it hadn't been doing much. With the other he clutched desperately at Duo's chest.

Heero's senses started to return to him and he planted a kiss on the side of Duo's neck. He wanted Duo to pick him up and carry him into his bedroom, where he would help the bigger man reach his own release and then he'd curl up against him and fall asleep. His lips started to form a sated smile, but the pleasure of his aftermath was crushed by Duo's words.

"Ew, gross," the long-haired man said. He let go of Heero's softening penis and he stared down at his hand and the front of his shirt, both covered with come. Duo chuckled breathily and wiped his hand on Heero's shirt as some kind of act of revenge. "Yuck." He laughed again. "At least I give a girl fair warning."

Heero sat up and looked down at the milky white streaks on Duo's black shirt. He didn't know what to say; he was mortified at his premature release and Duo's reaction wasn't helping. He tried: "Sorry, it's the alcohol."

"Jesus. I gotta clean up." He pushed Heero to the side and the other man rolled bonelessly onto the cushion next to him. Duo jumped up from the couch and went to the bathroom. "Good God, you shot like a bucket worth of load too," he called as he turned on the water.

Heero tucked himself back into his jeans, suddenly very uncomfortable with being exposed and feeling very vulnerable. His heart ached as, once more, it hadn't played out the way he had naively hoped. Tears were prickling in his eyes as Duo continued to ridicule him for his fast release and laughing at the mess he was cleaning up.

"Have you been saving this shit up or something?" Duo emerged from the bathroom wearing a different shirt.

"I'm sorry," Heero said again.

"Well, at least I did good," he quipped with a wink.

"Do you want me to-" Heero couldn't finish his sentence but he trusted Duo knew what he was offering.

Duo looked down at himself and laughed. "Nah, don't worry about it. Alcohol has the opposite effect on me than it has on you, it seems. The soldier is already at ease."

Heero crawled further to the end of the couch when Duo sat back down. He needed more distance between them than Duo was giving him. He didn't understand what was going on and why the mood had changed so much. What did Duo think would happen if he jerked him off? Heero supposed the reality of another guy coming in his hand – and on his shirt – was more jarring than he was prepared for, but he resented his friend for getting into something that he should have known he wouldn't like in the end. Duo's reaction made him ashamed of his sexuality and of his body. The humiliation made Heero's face burn.

"Do you wanna watch a movie or do you wanna go to bed?" He checked his watch and noted: "It is kinda late."

"Go to bed?" Heero's eyes widened. What was Duo offering?

"Yeah, I have a guest bedroom you can crash in."

Oh.

"I'm not gonna let you drive and I stayed at your place last time."

Heero shook his head at the offer. "No, I'll- I'll get an Uber."

"Okay, whatever you want," Duo replied simply. He grabbed the remote and turned on the TV; they waited together for Heero's ride to come pick him up, catching the tail end of an eighties action movie.

Half an hour later, Heero closed the door of his apartment behind him and leaned against it. What he was going through he could best describe as an out-of-body experience. Thinking back on the evening, he was in the room as a third person, watching a naïve, Japanese man let himself get lifted onto Duo's lap, let himself get kissed, let himself get touched. It was like watching a character in a movie do something that the viewer knows will end badly and you cringe at the sight as the scene plays out.

Heero squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, wanting to rid himself of the memory. He went to bed that night confused and angry and he didn't get much sleep.

* * *

 **To be continued…**

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 **Haha, the "To be continued…" seems so overly dramatic to me, but I don't want people to make the same mistake they did with "Pride", thinking it was over before it was :P**


	4. Chapter 4

**JustAReader: Thank you so much for leaving a review this time!**

 **Capuzzodeise: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! There is a lot more angst to come!**

 **Ryoko Lamperouge: Do you think this version of Heero doesn't have a personality?**

 **Chibichocopaws: Sorry about the cliffhanger. I hope you'll like this chapter.**

 **Batman: I hope you'll like this update. 1) I have a job writing online content for a business. 2) It's only in the beginning stages, I've only started working on the outline, as I said. It'll be a while before it sees the light of day and I'm not going to spoil yet for which fic it is**

 **Duaimei: Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I hope you will enjoy this new chapter.**

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **I'm very upset about something I really shouldn't be affected this much by. My favorite band is losing a member and I'm absolutely gutted. They have been an uplifting force in my life and have kept me inspired; now, I fear this is the beginning of the end and I feel empty. I have few things in my life that still bring me joy – that still give me something to look forward to – and this band is one of those things. Seeing them live, as they were meant to be, was a dream of mine, but everything is different now. In the same weekend we got the news that my grandfather is incurably ill and will soon pass, but while I've cried over the loss of this band member (full-out sobbing and crying myself to sleep), I haven't shed a tear over the inevitable death of my grandfather, so on top of everything I feel confused and guilty and disconnected from my family as well. In combination with how busy I am, I don't feel very creative right now.**

 **When the fifth and final chapter will be posted depends on my beta, but it should be pretty soon. When any of my other works will get updated/posted depends on something I can't quantify or make any predictions on.**

* * *

 **Beta: Shima Yi**

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 **No Good Story Ever Started with a Salad**

 **Chapter 4**

Nothing seemed to have changed. The next day, Duo texted him to ask him if he had a hangover, adding a winky-face to his message; and later in the day, he sent an email about the video Heero was currently working on editing, since he had some new ideas for the format. Heero had no choice but to believe that Duo only did what he did because of the alcohol, even though the tidbit of wisdom WuFei had always given him was that alcohol didn't make people do anything they didn't want to do. The Chinese man philosophically argued that, to a certain extent, the inebriated state was the most honest and true-to-form state a person could be in, uninhibited by social norms and fears. If Duo wanted to pretend that nothing had happened, then Heero gladly would as well, because he didn't want to deal with all the questions and feelings caused by that night. He didn't want to pause and think about how happy it would have made him if Duo wanted to try to be more than friends; nor did he want to relive how painful and humiliating it was for his crush to be grossed out by him and literally pushed him off.

He dreaded going to the gym on Wednesday – it would be their first face-to-face meeting since Heero soiled his friend's shirt with his come – but he steeled his nerves, forced himself to eat a full meal, and walked through the doors. It was cardio day – high intensity cardio – so in spite of suddenly feeling more shy around Duo, Heero wore his skintight running leggings and a breathable black shirt with mesh panels on the back, since he knew he would sweating profusely. Duo had also forewarned him that he wanted to film a couple of the exercises, so Heero didn't want to wear anything baggy that would look ridiculous on camera.

He halted in the middle of the gym. He couldn't find Duo right away, but then a familiar voice called out to him.

"Hey, Trigger. Over here!"

Heero froze and turned around to spot Duo leaning against one of the treadmills, smiling at him. Instantly, the Japanese man longed for the more innocent nickname from before: "Kissy-boy". He knew very well that "Trigger" was a reference to his swift – "trigger happy" – orgasm from a few nights ago.

Duo waved him over, then turned his attention to the fit young woman running on the treadmill he was standing by. He was obviously flirting with her, judging by her coy smiles and the way she playfully swatted at his hand when he made a joke, so Heero was in no rush to join them. He dragged his feet to the locker room to put his backpack and jacket away. He took a moment to take a deep breath and pray that "Trigger" wouldn't be a recurring nickname. It was baffling how Duo could be so sympathetic and sensitive to certain issues, and completely blind to how hurtful some of his jokes could be. Kissy-boy had already been testing Heero's sense of self-deprecating humor; Trigger was too much for him to be expected to take in good fun.

He went out to find Duo still talking to the woman, who continued to run, dressed in tight shorts and a matching sports bra. Her honey blonde hair was held back in a handful of intricate braids, culminating in a long ponytail high on her head, that swung behind her in pace with her steps. She was wearing delicate earrings and make-up, which seemed odd to Heero. She was a little breathless when she greeted Heero when he awkwardly joined them.

Duo teasingly reached over and turned up the speed on the treadmill by two points, making her laugh. "We're gonna get started," Duo said, "I'll give you a call."

"Please do," she said, but she kept her gaze fixated on Heero, with something predatory in her eyes.

"Oh, this is my friend, Heero, by the way. He's gay," Duo said offhandedly.

Immediately the look in her eye changed. "Nice to meet you, I'm Relena."

"Hi," Heero said stiffly, angry at Duo for introducing him like that. Why did he have to point out to her that he was gay? Was that a problem to Duo all of a sudden?

Duo said goodbye to Relena and then led Heero to another section of the gym where they had a wide, open space to work in. In the corner of the space, a group of four women were doing a dance exercise; Heero looked on with mild interest while Duo set up his camera.

"I like that outfit," the Youtuber said.

Heero snapped his head to confirm Duo was looking him up and down, and talking about him and not one of the ladies dressed in hip-hop-style attire. He tugged self-consciously at the hem of his shirt, which had cost more money than he ever expected to spend on workout gear – that was including the discount he had used from one of Duo's promotional videos.

"Is that shirt from X-Athletic?"

"Hmhm."

Duo grinned. "Show me the back?"

It was odd to have Duo look at him like that, but he did as asked, realizing that he would have no trouble showing off his new clothes if they hadn't made out earlier that week. He turned around and cocked his head to look over his shoulder, so he could keep an eye on his friend and try to read his expression.

"That's really cool," Duo said, admiring the panels of mesh fabric. His gaze dipped lower and he concluded: "You're filling out those pants nicely too."

His blush was bright red. He didn't understand why Duo would say that, and he didn't know what it meant that he said it so casually, like complimenting his gay friend's ass in skintight pants was the most normal thing. It was frustrating!

They did various exercises that got the heartrate going and had them both sweating up a storm: pulsing jump squats, frog jumps, mountain climbers, and short sprints to the other end of the room. Heero thankfully zoned out and was able to focus only on his work out. They continued doing sets of the miscellaneous exercises for half an hour and then moved back to the treadmills where they ran out the last of the energy in their legs. The pretty girl Duo had been flirting with had already gone home.

"I might have to cancel on our movie date Saturday," Duo started, a little out of breath as he ran on the treadmill set at its highest speed. "Might have just scored myself an actual date."

"Might have?" It seemed to Heero that, since she gave him her number, all he had to do was call to seal the deal.

"With the way she was looking at you…" He flashed him a grin. "When I started training you, I didn't take into consideration that I was creating extra competition for myself."

"Hn. So that's why you told her I'm gay?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry, was that wrong? I mean, you've never hidden your sexuality, so I figured it'd be okay."

"It's fine… I guess."

"Cool. She was so hot, man. I couldn't risk her slipping out of my grasp." Duo made a grotesque gesture with his hands, indicating what he wanted to "grasp" in particular.

Heero had trouble pretending that he was fine with that kind of conversation after what had happened between them. Inwardly, he could not deny that he was jealous.

"She isn't even really my type," Duo disclosed. "Normally, I don't go for the girly-girl chicks." He cheekily winked at his friend running beside him and Heero wondered if it was a reference to Duo "going for him" before.

"Oh?" What was he supposed to say?

"Okay, don't be alarmed, but I feel like I should warn you," Duo started dramatically. Heero's heart skipped a beat and his feet nearly faltered on the treadmill; he narrowly avoided an embarrassing accident. He was curious about what Duo was going to say; the foolishly naïve part of him was still expecting Duo to admit to being sexually attracted to him. "The guy doing tricep-pushdowns on the cable machine has been staring at you for the past five minutes."

It hadn't been the news Heero was hoping for, but with piqued interest he looked anyway. Familiar with the layout of the gym, he spotted the cable machine on the far side of the main area, his view partially obstructed by the leg-presses. His eyes widened when he made eye-contact with brown, downturned eyes.

Keenan smiled at him from across the room. He finished his set before wiping his sweat off the bar and off his palms with his towel; then he threw the towel over his shoulder and started towards them. Heero pointedly looked down at the panel in front of him and turned down the speed on the treadmill because he could already tell that he was going to trip over his own feet otherwise.

"Dude, he's coming over," Duo stated the obvious. "He's totally coming over!"

A few seconds later, Keenan was standing directly to the right of Heero's treadmill. Thanks to the incline on the machine, the tall man had to look up at Heero. "Fancy seeing you here, Shy."

What was it with men and nicknames for him? "Hi, Keenan," he greeted dumbly.

"You two know each other?" Duo interjected.

"Uhm, yeah. Duo, this is Keenan. Keenan, Duo."

The curly-haired man raised his eyebrows, clearly remembering Heero calling out Duo's name in the heat of their one night stand. "Hi, Duo. Nice to meet you."

"Likewise."

Keenan paid little attention to him and instead fixed his gaze on Heero. "You look great. Have you been coming to the gym long?"

"A couple of months."

"You look like it," he practically purred. "I just joined last week. It was starting to get a little too busy for me over at Go-Go." Go-Go was the gay fitness club down the street, Heero knew. "This place is more expensive, but at least I don't have to wait for some club-queen to finish half-assing it on the _one_ cable rowing machine," he explained with a pretty smile.

"Yeah, this is a great gym," Heero said, for lack of having anything better to respond with.

"Wanna go for a stack of blueberry protein pancakes after this?" Keenan wondered. "At the diner across the street?"

"Uhm," Heero shot an uncertain look Duo's way and hoped he would see some jealousy in the man's eyes, but that was not the case.

"He'll be done here in seven minutes," Duo said with an easy smile.

"Don't you want to-?" They usually went for coffee or frozen yoghurt after their workouts.

"Nah. You boys have fun."

Heero nearly fell of the treadmill when Keenan unexpectedly touched his arm to get his attention.

"I'm going to do a few sets on the chest press. Come find me when you're done?"

"O-okay." He replied entirely un-smoothly.

"Awesome. It was nice meeting you, Duo." He waved at the other man and shot a knowing look at Heero, then he walked off.

"Where do you know him from?" Duo asked once Keenan was out of earshot.

"He fucked me once," Heero said for shock value, hoping to prompt some sort of reaction from Duo.

The American was unbothered by all of it, much to Heero's disappointment. "Nice."

They finished the seven minutes of cardio and Duo decided to get in a few more sets of bicep curls with the barbells, even though arm day wasn't until Friday. "Have fun on your date, Trigger," he said with a sly grin and then he walked off.

Heero had half a mind to sneak right past Keenan and take a quick shower before leaving the gym unnoticed, but he wasn't going to let himself. He knew the only reason he wasn't interested in Keenan was because he was secretly interested in Duo and that wasn't healthy, nor was it going to get him anywhere. He mustered up the necessary courage and approached the tanned man, exerting himself on one of the chest press machines. "Hey."

Keenan smiled brightly at him. "Five more," he said through gritted teeth. His face was red and sweaty; Heero imagined he himself didn't look any better.

He didn't know if he was expected to go ahead to the locker room or wait for him. He couldn't decide on anything, so inaction was the result and he stood there as Keenan completed the last five reps. They walked into the locker room together. Heero was the first to reach the showers and he became irrationally uneasy when Keenan joined him and picked the shower stall next to his; the tall man snuck a glance over the partition with a cocky "Nothing I haven't seen before". But once he had snuck a peek, he looked impressed and remarked: "Or maybe I haven't. You really have been working out."

"My friend has been helping me."

"Duo."

"Hmhm."

"I'm guessing he's still straight?"

"It seems like it." Heero hadn't yet made up his mind if he really believed Duo was as straight as he presented himself to be. He didn't have much experience with straight friends, but in eight years of friendship – including a few rare, drunken occasions – he had never made out with WuFei.

"I was disappointed that you didn't call."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't looking for anything other than-" He shot a look over his shoulder, worried about others overhearing their conversation, "anything other than what it was."

Keenan smirked. "I get that. What are you looking for now?"

"Blueberry protein pancakes… and a chocolate milk."

Keenan laughed and the sound rang off the tiled walls. "I can deliver on that."

They got dressed and shared a plate of pancakes at the diner across the street. Heero had his chocolate milk and Keenan splurged on a strawberry milkshake. They talked about nothing of any importance. When Keenan tried to talk about Duo, Heero made it clear that he didn't want to talk about his friend and the other respected that.

With both their cars in the parking lot behind the gym, it was a hassle to go back to the apartment together, but at the end of their meal, both were looking for "more". They ending up squeezing into the back of Keenan's Jeep and took turns sucking each other off. Heero straightened up in the backseat and wiped the trail of come off his chin. Most of it he had swallowed; it seemed only fair, since Keenan had swallowed his. The other man leaned into him and licked into his mouth, and they exchanged the tastes on their tongues. They both moaned into the kiss and Heero enjoyed how Keenan delved his fingers into his messy hair. They parted and shared a sloppy smile.

Keenan tucked himself back into his jeans and buckled up his belt, shooting looks up at Heero. "If I give you my phone number again, will you call me this time?"

He wanted to say no, because of Duo, which was stupid. "Yes."

Keenan smirked.

Heero produced his cellphone from his back pocket and added Keenan to his list of contacts and let him dictate the number to him. When he looked up again from the screen, Keenan still had a self-satisfied smirk on his lips. "What?"

The man reached out and swiped his thumb under Heero's chin to clean up the tail end of the drip of come that Heero had missed.

"Thanks." As shy as he was in most situations, Heero wasn't shy about giving head, nor the mess that he was sometimes left with. Unlike Duo, he wasn't grossed out by another man's come. Every time he made a man come, he just felt happy and satisfied; he wasn't going to give someone shit about it. He loved giving pleasure to others and he was proud to know he was good at it too.

After one last kiss, they parted ways and Heero headed home. His phone was vibrating in his pocket on the drive back to his apartment building and he figured it was Keenan, but then he realized Keenan had given him his number and not the other way around. After parking his car, he opened his phone and was surprised at the text messages he had received from Duo, asking about his date with a lot of winky-faces, and then asking about the video Heero was supposed to finish editing before the end of the week. He replied to the questions about the video, but didn't get into the topic of his date. It wasn't any of Duo's business, Heero decided.

In the following days, he sexted back and forth a lot with Keenan. They didn't have a lot in common, and there wasn't much to talk about, but he was a much-needed distraction from Duo. To be able to forget about the other man, he ignored his text messages and held off editing the video until the very last evening. It wasn't his best work, but he was becoming more and more irritated with his friend, who kept addressing him with the insulting nickname. It was getting under his skin and rather than confronting Duo with his discomfort, he felt the irrational need to punish him in a completely unrelated manner. It didn't make any sense, but it did make him feel a little better.

Heero stopped by the gun store on Friday to drop off the surfboard USB-drive. As soon as he set foot into the store, Duo called from behind the counter, with a big smile:

"Trigger!"

Heero ducked his head between his shoulders and he blushed at the two customers looking at him, even though there was no way they could know what the nickname meant. He darted towards the counter and held the USB drive out to him without a word.

"Thanks." Duo pocketed the drive. He leaned his elbows on the counter and cupped his chin in his palms. He looked at Heero with mischievous eyes. "You never told me how your date went."

"It wasn't really a date," Heero argued. He made a point to look down at his watch, putting on an act to pretend he didn't have much time when, in fact, he had the afternoon off from work.

"C'mon!" Duo whined.

"I have to go."

"Fine. You can tell me all about Mister Dreamboat tonight."

Heero shot a look over his shoulders at the two older men standing by the camouflage hunting gear. In the small store, the two of them would definitely be able to overhear their conversation and it made Heero uncomfortable. This wasn't exactly the place that attracted people who would be accepting of his "deviant sexuality".

"Don't be so paranoid," Duo chastised him lightly. "They're cool." He straightened up and raised his voice at the customers. "Hey, Nick. He's gay!" He said, pointing his thumb at Heero.

The Japanese man went beet-red.

Nick responded dryly: "Awesome…"

"See? They don't care."

Heero couldn't meet Duo's eyes. He was mortified and upset. Everything was always such a game to Duo. "I don't like it when you do that," he said through gritted teeth.

"Do what?" Duo seemed genuinely baffled.

" _Out_ me to random strangers," Heero clarified, fixing a glare on his friend.

"Why not? It's not a secret, right? It's not like it isn't obvious." Duo made an up-and-down gesture at him that upset him even more.

"Oh, because I _look_ gay, right?" He bit back. "Well, news flash, Duo: so do you! So what the fuck do looks mean anyway?"

Duo chuckled, still oblivious to how serious Heero was being. "I look gay? Because of the hair? That's silly."

"Exactly," he seethed. "Even though you might think something is obvious, doesn't give you the right to tell everyone and their mother something personal about me!"

He still wasn't getting it, and maybe the silver lining to it was that he simply couldn't wrap his head around the fact that outing someone as gay was offensive. He didn't equate being gay to anything bad – unlike many other people. But he upset Heero further when he tried: "C'mon, Trigger-"

Heero burst: "Stop calling me that!" He stomped his foot to emphasize his point. He was certain Nick and his friend were staring at that point, but he was beyond caring; his anger and frustration were blinding him to his surroundings and all he saw was Duo's shocked face through a veil of red.

"It's just a joke," Duo tried to appease him.

"It's not funny!" Heero yelled in return. "It makes me feel like shit!" He had been so elated when Duo had kissed him and touched him, and for a moment it felt like his wildest gay-boy-dreams were coming true – that his straight crush could love him back; it made him feel special – but the reality was heartbreaking, and every time Duo called him by that nickname, it made his heart clench just like it did then. Duo didn't want him; being with Heero was "trippy" and "gross" to him. But he couldn't tell Duo how he felt. He didn't want to ruin their friendship, even as he realized their friendship wasn't all that good for him.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't know." Duo's eyes turned pleading. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

Heero knew he had to get out of there when his bottom lip started to tremble and his eyes welled up. He didn't want to cry in front of him. He had shown Duo too much of his vulnerability as it was and he was done with it. He couldn't say anything else, he didn't trust his voice, so he spun around on his heels and he stormed out of the shop.

"Heero!"

Heero had made it halfway across the parking lot to his car in the back when he realized Duo was coming after him. He wanted to turn around and yell at him to stop following him, but tears were streaming down his face and he couldn't speak as he was biting back pathetic sobs.

"Heero, I'm sorry," Duo kept saying, sounding a little out of breath as he trailed after him. "God, I'm so stupid. Please, I'm sorry."

Without ever turning back to face him, Heero climbed into his car and sped out of the parking lot. He felt embarrassed about his outburst and regretted not being able to control himself. Everything was weird now, and he didn't like that he let Duo see him in such a vulnerable state because he didn't feel like he could fully trust his friend anymore.

Wanting to forget about all of it, he called Keenan and they went on a proper date, even though he knew he wasn't the best company to be around, and Keenan quickly figured that out too. Still, they went back to Heero's apartment after dinner and ended up in bed. Heero bit down on his lip the entire time as the man fucked him; he was afraid of either calling out Duo's name again, or simply bursting into tears.

Over the next few days, he ignored Duo's calls and emails, and didn't leave his apartment for anything other than work. It wasn't until Duo stopped calling and stopped emailing that Heero realized how much he missed him. He wasn't used to having friends and he certainly wasn't used to missing having someone around him; he couldn't logically explain to himself why, of all people, he missed the person who could make him feel as shitty as Duo could. But he did miss him.

He went online to Duo's Youtube channel and noticed the braided American hadn't uploaded a video since their fight – or rather: the afternoon Heero screamed at him and Duo couldn't do anything to stop him – over two weeks ago. He wondered if that meant that Duo missed him too, or that he was just too lazy to edit his own videos again.

After a week of being ignored as well, Keenan, too, stopped calling; Heero didn't miss him, though.

After a long day of work, Heero came home and he threw himself onto the couch. His stomach was growling but he paid no attention to it, even as it felt like his intestines were curling in on themselves, shrinking and shriveling away inside him. More than anything, he was tired. He was lethargic. That probably had to do with the vicious cycle he was currently in. He had stopped working out altogether and that left him feeling weak and lazy; as a result he didn't feel like eating much, which only made him weaker and even less inclined to eat.

His arm draped down to the floor and he mindlessly scratched his fingers through the hairs of the rug. His stomach growled so loudly he almost missed the knock on his door. Knowing it could only be an annoying neighbor – or Duo – it was hardly worth the effort to get up; he didn't even bother opening his eyes.

"Heero?"

A bitter smile tugged on the corner of his mouth: Duo.

"Heero, I know you're home. I saw you pull your car up into the garage."

He furrowed his brows together in frustration and propped his head up only long enough to yell: "Go away!"

"No."

"Leave me alone!" It sounded a little more muffled now that his head had collapsed back down, and his face was mostly buried in the pillow and the crook of his arm, but Duo must have heard him.

"No," he asserted. "I've left you alone for three weeks. I've given you your space. It's been long enough."

"Fuck you! You don't get to decide that!"

"Look, if you're still that angry with me, at least open the door so you can yell at me properly."

For whatever reason, that did the trick. The thought of getting to vent his anger and frustration momentarily invigorated Heero, and he pushed himself up from the couch and stormed towards the door. But on the way over he lost all his guile; by the time he had ripped the door open, he didn't know what to say – he was never any good at controlling and expressing his emotions to begin with.

Duo looked relieved at first, but then his expression became one of worry as he took in the sight of his friend in his disheveled state, with dark bags under his eyes contrasting with the colorless skin of his face. He forced on a smile and sheepishly looked down at the peace offering in his hands: a pizza box.

"I'm not hungry," Heero said through gritted teeth.

"Well, I am. Let me in?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm lonely."

Heero scoffed. "You have plenty of friends. Pick one."

"I did. I picked you." Duo sighed. "I miss you."

His words had a disarming effect on the Japanese man. Wordlessly, he stepped aside and made room for Duo to walk into his apartment. The other accepted the invitation with a grateful bow of his head; he came in and walked the pizza over to the dinner table. Heero lingered by the door; he had yet to shut it, as he still considered telling Duo to get out, or maybe walk out himself.

He watched as Duo grabbed two plates from the cupboards and beers from the fridge, acting like he was at home, like he always did. Then the tall man sat down at the table and gestured at the empty seat next to him. With a sigh, Heero closed the door and joined him and watched as Duo served them both a slice of cheesy pizza. The smell of it was overwhelming and he could tell that his body needed it, but at the same time he worried he wouldn't be able to stomach it. Knowing Duo's gaze was trained on him, he lifted the piece and bit off a tiny bite that he took ages to chew on before swallowing.

"I've gained ten pounds in the past three weeks," Duo announced, keeping his voice light. "I've been eating shit and skipping work outs."

"Why?" Heero focused on his second, small bite, while Duo was already halfway through the first slice.

"Because I missed you." He said it like it was obvious.

"Hn."

"And I'm pretty sure you missed me too."

"Oh?"

"Because you look like you've lost ten pounds."

Maybe. Heero shrugged.

"Should I have come sooner?" Duo genuinely asked. "I wanted to give you some time. But maybe I waited too long? I don't know. I suck at this stuff. You know that." He chuckled nervously and reached into the box for a second slice, but he dropped it down on his plate and seemed to forget all about it. He adjusted in his seat, to face Heero and regard him with pleading eyes. "I'm really sorry for making you feel the way I did. I thought I was just teasing you; that teasing helped avoid the awkwardness, you know? I didn't realize that I was bullying you and making you feel like shit. I am so sorry."

Heero nodded. As predicted, he couldn't stay mad at Duo, not for making mistakes because he didn't know any better. Duo could be insensitive and callous, but he couldn't amend that if Heero didn't communicate with him and let him know what effect his teasing had on him. Heero knew he should have said something sooner – he should have stood up for himself – before it had gotten out of hand the way it did. Heero had to assume more control if he wanted to avoid getting hurt again.

"Can we please be friends again? I promise I'll do better."

"I'm in love with you," Heero blurted and kept his gaze fixed on the barely eaten slice of pizza he was fidgeting with. It was the truth. It wasn't just a crush anymore; he was in love with him. That was why Duo's actions, words and absence hurt him as much as it did. It was scary to confess those feelings to his friend, but he had to speak up. He couldn't keep blaming Duo for being insensitive to things he didn't know anything about.

Duo's jaw went slack for a moment. "…Oh-…'kay…"

"I'm sorry," he said, just as his voice was starting to turn gravelly. He still couldn't look at the other. He pushed the plate with pizza further away, the smell and even the mere _idea_ of it was making him nauseous.

"That's nothing you need to apologize for." Duo sounded calm and levelheaded – everything Heero was not in that moment. He added lightheartedly: "I'm a pretty lovable guy."

A single chuckle escaped him, but at the same time a lonely tear ran down his cheek.

"I'm not gay though."

Heero's heart clenched and he bit his own lip to distract from the pain in his chest. He nodded.

"At least, I don't think so."

For the first time since letting him into his apartment, Heero looked up at him.

Duo shrugged and impishly elaborated: "I mean, I do feel differently about you than I do about my other friends."

Heero smiled bitterly as he recognized Duo was just trying to make him feel better, mistakenly thinking that giving him false hope would ease his pain. "Don't. Please?"

"I'm sorry." It was the first time for Duo to look away. He took a bite of his pizza but the face he made as he chewed made it seem like that mouthful tasted disgusting. "I wish I was gay," he said. "It would be nice."

"Being gay isn't 'nice', Duo," Heero spat suddenly, fed up with Duo's misguided attempts to make him feel better. "Being gay is _hard_. It sucks! People hate you for no good reason and they treat you differently… and the guy you fall in love with won't love you back-" Ashamed he covered his face with his hands as he burst out in sobs.

"… I'm… I'm sorry. I didn't mean-… I just meant that-… You're a great guy and I really like you. If I were gay, we could be together… and that would be nice. That's what I meant," Duo rambled. Duo's big, warm hand appeared on his shoulder; Heero didn't know if he liked or not, but he decided not to shake it off. After a while he started rubbing the hand up and down Heero's back in a comforting gesture. "I still want us to be friends," the American said. "If that's what you want too."

"I don't think that's going to work." Heero didn't bring his hands back down to his lap until he was sure he had stopped crying and had wiped away his tears.

"Nothing has to change. I'm not weirded out or anything, I'm cool."

He chuckled bitterly. "What I mean is: I don't think that's going to work out for _me_. It's great that you're 'cool', but… I'm not cool." Duo nodded in understand and kept caressing Heero's back. "You should stop that." He pointedly looked over his shoulder at Duo's hand.

With a thoughtful look he retreated his hand into his lap. His expression turned miserable. "… I shouldn't have kissed you… I'm sorry."

"It's not the kiss that made me fall in love with you, Duo." A sad smile appeared on his lips. "You should go."

Duo blinked at him; his plea was apparent in his eyes. "Do you really want me to?"

"… Yes." Heero had wanted to say no, but while being close to Duo felt good, he knew it wasn't actually good for him.

The American nodded and slowly got up from his eat. "Please eat something. I'm worried about you."

"I'll be fine. I just need some time."

"Are you sure?"

Heero looked up at him. "It's not the first time I've had to get over a straight guy." His friend looked sorrowful, like he could have prevented it or something, like it was his fault. "I'll get over you." He joked dryly: "You're not that special."

"When you do, will we be able to be friends again?"

"… Maybe."

His answer sparked Duo's first genuine smile. The tall man said his solemn goodbye and then backed out of the apartment.

Heero spent a few more days moping and avoiding food, and crying into his pillow – but only at night, in the dark, so he could deny it the next morning, even to his own reflection.

It took a while – maybe longer than it should have – but his appetite returned to him and he started going out for jogs again in the early mornings before work. Eventually he visited Duo's YouTube channel again and noticed he had been posting videos; when he first watched the new material, he felt sad, until finally the dry jokes and silly demeanor of the braided American made him chuckle in the silence of his apartment, and shaking his head at the shoddy editing.

Having braved the video-version of Duo, Heero felt more confident regarding the idea of coming face-to-face with him in person again, so after two months of skipping out on his usual exercise regimen, he returned to the gym. Even though it turned out Duo wasn't there that evening, everything about the gym reminded Heero of the man. But rather than allowing himself to wallow, he went home with the muscly guy who had been making eyes at him from the bench press.

By the time he first saw Duo again, they hadn't seen each other in over two months. Heero spotted him as soon as he walked through the entry of the gym. The big man was seated on a bench in the back, next to another, even bigger man. They were both doing bicep curls and each had taken out the earphone in the ear closest to the other as they exchanged conversation without looking up from the weight they were pumping.

Feeling more skittish than he'd like to admit, Heero headed for the locker room, in passing saying hi to Mister Googly-Eyes from before, who was tying his shoes. He took longer than necessary getting ready and shot a look at his reflection when he passed the mirrored wall by the sinks. He toyed with the idea of trying to avoid the other man; Duo probably wouldn't dare approach him anyway. But he felt emboldened and he wanted to be mature about it, to ease some of the guilt he still felt about how immature he had been, like a damn love-struck teenager.

He thought he was over him. He really did. He was sure of it until he stood right in front of him and Duo looked up at him when he heard his name.

Duo's face was reddened and sweaty, the way Heero was most used to seeing it. The apparent shock was quickly veiled by a toothy smile. He tugged the other earphone out and put down the weight. "Heero… hi." His gaze traveled up and down and he didn't seem displeased. Heero was still struggling to put back on some of the weight he had lost, but he felt like he looked fit and healthy, the way Duo wanted him to be. "How-… How are you doing?"

"Okay. You?"

"-Ish."

"Okay-ish?"

The American chuckled sheepishly. "I've been slacking. Haven't been going to the gym as often as I should have, so I'm just now trying to get back into my routine."

Heero furrowed his brows, wondering if it had something to do with their 'split', but voicing the thought felt arrogant, so he said nothing and instead dumbly replied: "Oh, that's good." He barely stopped himself from making a face at his own remark.

"You look good," Duo observed and he sounded relieved.

"Thanks. For what it's worth, so do you."

The following silence was unbearably uncomfortable and Heero felt the need to nervously clarify: "I wasn't saying that in an 'I'm-still-attracted-to-you' kind of way. I'm not coming on to you or anything."

"No, of course not. I- I wasn't thinking that. What, uh… What are you doing today?"

"Cardio. You?" _Stupid!_ Obviously he's doing arms.

"Arms."

"Right."

"I guess I'll see you around."

Heero nodded.

"Uhm. Good luck."

"Thanks. You too." He waited a second too long before pivoting on his heels and walking over to the bank of treadmills on the far side of the gym. His face was hot and his palms were sweaty before he had even started, but all things considered, it hadn't been a disaster and hopefully things would get less awkward after a while.

And it did get less awkward. They didn't talk other than exchanging pleasantries in passing, but it was fine. They both focused on their workout. The only person Heero actively avoided was Keenan.

Heero tried striking up conversation with others, but quickly found that socializing still wasn't for him, so other than going home with Googly-Eyes and two other guys once in a while, he kept to himself and settled back into a blend of his old routine of being by himself, and his new routine of working out four times a week. He had been alone for years and he was still good at it. Missing Duo was a dull, distant ache that he could live with.

He could live with it until…

It was Wednesday evening and he was doing legs. His last appointment of the day had run long, but he had anticipated it and had packed his sports bag that morning and brought it with him in the car. Rather than stop at home, he headed straight for the gym and satisfied his hunger with a protein shake along the way. He had only just started doing lunges in the free weights section, adding dumbbells to his exercise, when a tall, broad figure appeared next to him.

Heero straightened up and kept his expression mild as he looked up at Duo. Not expecting anything other than their usual, quick greeting, for the sake of being polite, he didn't even take out his earphones and he could barely hear himself as he said: "Hey."

Duo's mouth moved, but Heero couldn't hear his words. It was clear though that he was saying more than a casual greeting. He tugged on the chords of his earphones and they popped out and dangled down from where they were clasped to the hem of his shirt. "Sorry, what?"

Duo's smile still had an unspeakable effect on him. "I noticed you are doing legs today. So am I."

"Okay."

"Wanna workout together?"

He agreed, justifying his bad decision with the argument that it would be unnecessarily rude and awkward to say no. He knew he wasn't just being polite. He said yes because of that smile. He said yes because that smile still made his heart flutter and, for whatever reason, made him crave beer, pizza and chocolate milk and… Duo.

"Cool."

They spent the next hour and a half side-by-side. As always, Duo took the lead, deciding on which exercise and how many reps. It was comfortable for Heero to follow him, but the flutters in his chest became more prominent whenever Duo corrected his stance with one of his "almost-touches"; his big hand reaches out for Heero's shoulder, or hip, as if he's about to grab him and manually adjust him, but the hand stills just short of touching him and instead directs him with an inch of cold air between them. Duo didn't use to be shy about touching him, because it didn't mean anything. Obviously, the American was now more conscious of the effect he had on the other.

With the workout completed, they headed for the locker room where they parted ways without a word, just a nod. Heero's locker was no longer next to Duo's, now that he was no longer Duo's "buddy" and had his own subscription to the gym.

While he stood under the warm spray of water, cleaning his sweat and the smell of Duo's off his body, Heero tried not to think about the man, but in the end he had to turn the faucet to cold. His stomach was growling by the time he was dressed in an old pair of jeans and a T-shirt that he kept as a spare in his locker. Considering he had nothing in his fridge at home, he decided to go across the street to the diner and get the pancakes and that chocolate milk that had been on his mind. He was halfway across the street when Duo called out his name and he turned around to see the long-haired man jog towards him to catch up with him.

"Going for a late dinner?" He nodded at the diner.

"Yeah."

There was some hesitation but then Duo asked the question that he shouldn't have: "Do you mind if I join you?"

"No." He shouldn't have said that, not because it was a lie, but precisely because it was the truth. He was _not_ over Duo and trying to be friends again was a bad idea.

There was that smile again. That ridiculously handsome smile.

They headed for the diner together and their shoulders bumped as they went through the door. The booth they ended up in was the same they had been in before.

"That was a great workout," Duo concluded as he scanned the menu.

"Yeah. Really feeling the burn."

"Have you been eating well?"

Their eyes met over the menu at the sudden question. "Yes. Why? Don't I look okay?" Heero glanced down at himself; he was almost back to the weight he was before the-break-up-that-was-not-really-a-break-up.

"N-no! You look great!" Duo flashed that smile again. "I just can't help but worry about you from time to time."

"You've been worried about me?"

"Of course."

"Why? We aren't friends anymore."

Duo blinked at the statement and seemed to struggle with a disappointed frown. "I've never stopped thinking of you as a friend. Just… a friend I haven't talked to in a while."

"Three months is quite a while." Heero tried to keep his voice flat and his expression indifferent, but the fact that Duo hadn't stopped thinking about him warmed his heart.

"It is… Is it enough of a while? I mean: are you ready to think of me as a friend again?"

Heero didn't feel like he was free to say no, because if he did, he would be admitting to the embarrassing fact that he still had feelings for the man sitting across from him and he didn't want to suffer that awkwardness. "I guess."

Duo smiled in relief. "I'm really sorry about before."

"About what?"

"Anything. Everything…"

Heero snorted as he recognized what Duo was trying to apologize for. "It's not your fault that I fell in love you, Duo. Actually, you did a damn good job at trying to get me to hate you."

Duo chuckled but the sound was flat, lacking all its usual richness. "I can be a dick when I don't mean to be. If I'm ever a dick again, just let me know, okay?"

"… Sure."

"Can I take your order?" The waitress interrupted.

Heero folded up the laminated menu and set it aside without ever really having looked at it. "The whole wheat pancakes with a chocolate milk, please."

"Not the protein pancakes?" She asked, familiar with his usual order.

"No, already reached my protein target for the day."

She nodded and didn't bother scribbling the order down even though she had her pen and notepad at the ready. "What about you?" She asked Duo.

"I'll have the same. Thanks."

"Sure thing. Coming right up."

Duo regarded Heero with mischievous eyes. "It seems you really have been eating well."

The Japanese man shrugged and tried to hide some of his blush with his hand as he rested his chin on it. "You taught me well."

"That's your victory, not mine," Duo asserted. "You know, I still get messages about that one video we did together. The one where we talked about emotional overeating and undereating?"

"Yeah, I remember." How could he possibly forget? It had been a nerve wrecking experience.

"Sharing your story like that meant a lot to a lot of people."

"Glad to be of service," he quipped in response, while trying to avoid eye-contact as much as possible.

Then, Duo blurted: "I've missed you."

Heero hesitated for the duration of a single heartbeat before he admitted: "I've missed you too."

The smile he received in response was beaming.

After dinner they both headed home but they made plans to work out together again next Saturday; that was the start of everything returning to the way it once was. They worked out, had dinners, hung out at each other's places and Heero went back to editing Duo's Youtube uploads. Everything was the same as it was before, including Heero pining for a man he would never have.

* * *

 **To be continued…**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note:**

 **I'm so sorry for not responding to your individual replies; please know that I am very thankful for your kind words and your show of support. When my beta gave me a head's up that she is unfortunately not able to work on my stories at the moment, I decided to rush to get this final chapter ready for you so it could get posted. I've only proofread it once, myself, so I expect there to be quite a few errors, but I hope you will appreciate the finale to this shorter story regardless.**

 **Currently, I'm working on "Grounded". I know you'd probably rather have me working on "Dirty Job", but I don't feel up to tackling that story, given my emotionally and creatively drained state; I'm not feeling very confident nor inspired and I don't want to risk screwing up a story that so many of you have been invested in for the past three years. I did, however, want to force myself to keep writing, because I know that if I let myself 'fall off the horse' at this point in time, I might not get back on.**

* * *

 **No Good Story Ever Started With A Salad**

 **Chapter 5**

Weeks later Heero headed to the gun store again to drop off the latest two edited videos – he was featured in one of them; a day-in-the-life kind of vlog and, as it turned out, Heero was a pretty big part of Duo's average day. It was the day they went for an early morning work-out on Saturday and in the afternoon Duo took Heero to his first baseball game and recorded him yawning between innings. Then they had dinner in a fast food restaurant as part of a 2500-calories-in-ten-minutes challenge that Duo wanted to do. Duo had passed with flying colors, Heero couldn't stomach more than that second burger.

"He~y!" Duo called as soon as he spotted his friends coming out back onto the shooting range.

Heero's gait faltered when the noticed the man standing next to Duo; Bryon. He didn't know the two of them were friends again, but they certainly looked friendly, both geared up for target practice and mocking each other's aim. Bryon looked equally displeased to see him and it was apparent he was thinking the exact same thing; not having been aware that Duo and Heero were friends again.

The Japanese man stopped before he reached them and held up the USB drive. "I just came by to drop this off. I can put it in the counter drawer if you want."

Duo was already shaking his head and waving him over with a smile.

Apprehensively, Heero approached the two of them. He felt intimidated, being that much shorter and "less manly" than the both of them.

"Good to see you again," Bryon lied.

"You too."

Duo – being the happy-go-lucky kind of guy that he was - was oblivious to any seething subtext and slung his arm around Heero's shoulders. "Bryon, you mind helping Ibrahim man the store for a couple of minutes?"

"Nah." He eyed them both suspiciously and then walked away, holding his rifle against his chest.

"Do you have a minute?" Duo asked Heero.

"I guess."

Duo grinned and released him. "Cool." He reached for the handgun that was resting on the table behind him and held it out to the shorter man.

Heero stared at the weapon with widened eyes. "What do you want me to do with that?"

Duo chuckled. "Well, hold it, for starters. And then fire it."

He shook his head. "I don't like guns. They scare me." Duo knew this already.

"I know. That's why I think you should try it." He took hold of Heero's wrist and planted the gun in his sweaty palm, wrapping his fingers around the handle.

Heero felt his body go stiff with anxiety. He nervously held the gun away from his body and pointed down at the dirt ground. "I don't like it," he muttered. He felt like a kid again, having a big bug handed to him by his father, who thought it was "damn time" for him to stop being such a girl. And getting pushed down a steep, muddy hill on a mountain bike that was too big for him. And being enrolled into Judo class when he had asked for piano lessons… His hands were trembling and he stiffly held his index finger as far away from the trigger as possible. He started shaking his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "No. No. I don't like it."

Big hands wrapped around his and before he knew what was happening he was no longer holding the gun. He opened his eyes to Duo's concerned and apologetic expression.

"I'm sorry. I was being a dick again, wasn't I?" The man looked about as distraught as Heero felt.

"It's fine." He wiped his sweaty hands on the front of his shirt. "I overreacted. I just…" He made a dismissive gesture. His face became red and hot with shame.

"Not at all. I get it. I'm used to guns, but that's because I grew up around 'em."

"They're not toys," Heero stated.

"I know they're not toys. I'm not playing, I'm practicing," he explained. "I have a handgun like this at home. It makes me feel safer, but only because I know how to handle it safely. That's what I train for."

Heero nodded. He knew Duo was a Boy Scout when it came to gun safety. Even though the rules about gun ownership in the state were anything but restrictive, Duo always made a point to first educate his customers on the weapon they were buying and he was known for talking inexperienced individuals out of purchasing a handgun all-together, regardless of the fact that that was bad for his business.

"I thought I could help you get over your fear. You're around guns quite a lot; we spend a lot of time at the store together. I thought you might feel more at ease around them if you popped your fire-arms-cherry." He offered a friendly smile.

The idea of conquering his fear was tempting, especially because it would bring him closer to Duo. He thought long and hard and eventually nodded. His mouth was too dry to speak.

"You wanna try?"

He nodded again.

"Okay." Duo reached for the handgun again and instead of shoving it into his grip like he did before, he showed him the weapon first and Heero watched as Duo routinely took the handgun apart, named the parts and specs and put it back together. He popped all but one of the bullets out of the cartridge before inserting it back into the grip. Then he demonstrated how to hold it; his right hand curled around the grip and supporting underneath with his left hand. He kept his index finger lined up with the barrel and explained never to put it on the trigger unless you intend on firing directly. He flicked the safety off and then back on and then held it out to Heero again, always keeping the barrel pointing down and away from them. "Ready?"

He swallowed and his throat felt gravelly. He reached out and took the gun. Their hands touched and it didn't help him feel any more at relaxed.

"The safety is still on, so you don't have to worry, okay?"

He nodded curtly. He wrapped his fingers around the handle and cupped his right hand with his left to support some of the weight and steady his hold.

"Still doing good?" Duo's voice was calm and soothing.

"Yeah."

"When you're ready, you can point it at that target."

Heero's gaze followed Duo's pointed finger to the nearest target on the range; a white cardboard, mounted on a wooden frame, with the indiscriminate, black silhouette of a person printed on it. The target already had several holes in it, all centered in the chest area. He steeled his nerves and raised the gun in front of him with outstretched arms.

"Stand with your feet a little wider apart," Duo corrected. "And bend at the knees a bit; don't lock your knees."

Heero did as instructed, lowering the gun while he did so, before raising it again, but not all the way.

Duo touched his hand to Heero's elbow and encouraged him to raise the gun further and line the barrel up with his line of sight. "Don't worry too much about aim. Just get used to it."

"Okay." Still though, he closed one eye as he looked down the barrel.

Duo chuckled lightly. "Keep both eyes open. Didn't you learn that from watching 'Pocahontas'?"

"I've never seen 'Pocahontas'," he replied offhandedly.

"Well, I guess I know what we'll be doing next Friday night…"

Heero smiled.

"You remember how to take the safety off?"

It was a simple act, so of course. "Yes."

"Whenever you're ready, you can take it off."

"Okay." It took him a minute before he felt courageous enough to adjust his left hand to switch off the safety before cupping it around his right hand again. He took a deep breath and actively reminded himself that the silhouette in front of him was just a cardboard print-out, not a person.

"If you want to fire, you can fire. But you don't have to."

"… I think I want to." He had come this far, he didn't want to back down now. More importantly, he wanted to get it over with so he wouldn't have to do it again.

"Okay. When you've made the decision to fire, put your finger on the trigger and squeeze. Go slow. You'll feel resistance but keep applying steady pressure until the gun fires. Once the shot is released, take your finger off the trigger right away, lower the gun and flick the safety back on. Yeah?"

"But there is only one bullet in here anyway, right?"

"Always treat a weapon like a loaded weapon, even when you know it's not," Duo said routinely.

Heero nodded. He focused on the target and aimed the barrel. When he felt as ready as he was ever going to be, he curled his finger into the trigger guard and put it on the trigger. He squeezed slowly and steadily, just like Duo had instructed, and felt the slack go out of the trigger and it resisted. He kept squeezing and suddenly the pressure in the trigger released and he felt the recoil of the handgun through his arms, all the way to his shoulders as the gun fired the single bullet. Adrenaline rushed through him instantly. "Oh my God," he uttered. He was wide-eyed and frozen.

Duo's hand cupped around his and eased the gun down until it was pointed at the ground and he reached out with his other hand to turn the safety back on. He trained his gaze on Heero's face. "Was that okay? Are you okay?"

Heero let out a surprised chuckle. He felt an incredible release of his nerves.

Duo smiled at him.

The Japanese man squinted at the target in the bright sunlight. All he could spot were the same holes as before. "Wait, I missed?"

Duo laughed and released his hold on Heero's hands. "Don't worry about it."

Heero couldn't deny that he felt disappointed.

"Do you want to try to hit it this time?"

He thought for a moment. "Yeah, I think I do."

"Okay." He took the gun from Heero, popped the magazine out and inserted one bullet back into it before handing it back to his friend. "Here, put these on." He took off his yellow-tinted safety goggles and put them on the bridge of Heero's nose, being careful not to poke him in the eyes with the legs of it. "This time, when you aim, don't focus on the target. You want to focus on the front sight of the gun." He tapped the little bump at the end of the barrel. "It's going to feel counter intuitive, but when you look down the barrel you actually want the front sight to be in focus and the target to be a little blurry. If you focus your gaze on the target, you'll likely let the end of the barrel drift and you'll miss. Align the front sight dead center in the rear sight notch, that way you know you are keeping the barrel straight."

He aimed the gun again and focused on the front sight. It did feel weird for the target to be out of focus, but he trusted Duo's instructions. He took a steady breath and squeezed the trigger again. That time, he was less caught off guard by the power of the gun and before he bothered to look at the target to see if he had been able to hit it, he lowered the gun and turned on the safety as he should; feeling more calm and composed in the aftermath than he did the first time.

"Well done," Duo complimented.

Heero looked up ahead at the target and was disappointed to see a hole in the bottom left corner, in the white part surrounding the black silhouette. "Dammit."

"Come on! You actually hit the board, that's great for your second shot," Duo encouraged him. "Another try?"

"Yes." At that point he felt competitive more than anything.

Duo took out the magazine and reloaded it with all the bullets he had taken out before, before popping the clip back in. "You okay with this?"

Heero nodded and accepted the weapon when it was handed to him. He fired three more shots, taking breaks in between to steady himself. Two times he missed the board entirely and the one time he hit the board, the hole ended up in the bottom left corner again.

"This is good. Now we can see that you drift to the bottom left, so we can correct that."

"But I'm aiming at the center of the target!" He argued dumbly, starting to get frustrated with himself. He didn't figure it should be this difficult to hit the target, which was fairly big and close to him.

"I think you're over-correcting the recoil, which changes the trajectory of the bullet as it leaves the barrel." He positioned himself behind Heero. "Mind if I-…" He didn't even finish the sentence and just reached his arms around Heero. He had his chest pressed against Heero's back and Heero felt his breath against his ear. Duo corrected his stance first, manually adjusting his hips and straightening his shoulders. He gave his shoulders a squeeze before releasing them and reminding him to relax. Then he extended his arms so he could cup them both around Heero's hands and assist him with his aim. "When you fire, just let your arms naturally absorb the recoil. It's okay if you're hands come up a little after the discharge; don't fight the recoil because you end up pushing down too soon."

Heero swallowed and nodded.

Duo leaned over Heero's shoulder and practically pressed their cheeks together so he could help him line up the shot. Duo took off the safety for him. "Fire when ready."

The warmth of the man pressed up against him, his unkempt stubble scratching his cheek and the coarse hands holding Heero's were too much. He fired and missed hopelessly. He cursed under his breath.

"It's okay. Try again," Duo said, unaware that he wasn't exactly helping Heero improve his aim.

He took a deep breath and tried not to think about the fact that he desperately wanted Duo to grind his pelvis against his behind. He fired again and there was a small sense of pride when he managed to shoot the silhouette in its right hip.

"See! Doing better already." Even so, Duo wasn't letting go of him. "Try again. Don't lean back, keep your shoulders stacked above your hips," he reminded him and he put his hands on Heero's hips, naively ignorant to the fact that Heero was struggling with his stance because his body wanted to melt into Duo's. "Remember, let your arms absorb the recoil, don't fight it."

He took a few seconds to compose himself and wait for his hear to stop racing. Then he squeezed the trigger, more confidently that time, and fired another round, feeling the recoil pass through his arms and stop at his shoulders. He refocused his gaze from the front sight to the target and he caught himself smiling proudly at the new bullet hole in the silhouette's torso, just underneath the cluster of holes from Duo's target practice.

"Awesome!" Duo released him and came to stand next to him again.

Heero's smile turned shy and he knew he was blushing. He put the safety back on and handed the gun over to Duo. Now that he had accomplished his goal, he was done with it. He had overcome had fears.

"You're a natural," Duo said, putting the gun away on the table behind him.

"Stop it."

"I'm serious, that was really good. You should be proud of yourself." Duo certainly looked proud, like a proud dad – or what Heero imagined a proud dad to look like.

"I am," he admitted, although feeling self-conscious about it.

"Good." Duo patted his shoulder and let the touch linger before dropping his arm back down to his side.

"You're a good teacher."

"Thanks. That's nice." He flashed his brightest smile yet.

Heero smiled back at him and handed him back his goggles.

"Hey, I haven't had lunch yet. Wanna go grab a bite to eat? Tacos - my treat."

"Uhm," he wanted to decline because he had been offered a snack late in the afternoon by one of his clients and he felt like it could last him until dinner, but he knew Duo would give him grief about wanting to skip a meal and besides, he enjoyed spending time with Duo, even though he was only tormenting himself ultimately. "Sure. Can't say no to tacos."

"Definitely." Duo took the gun inside where it was put away securely in a locker. "Mind if I invite Bryon along?"

Heero went tense. He did _not_ want to have lunch with Bryon, but he couldn't say that without getting into the why. "Of course not."

They headed out to the front where Bryon and Ibrahim were behind the counter, both minding their own business. Ibrahim was scanning through paperwork, while it appeared Bryon was playing a game on his phone.

"Hey, Bryon. Wanna go grab tacos with us?"

The buff man with the shaved head quirked an eyebrow. "Us?"

"Me and Heero."

He seemed to consider it and Heero was already trying to come up with excuses for why he had to bail on lunch after all, but then Bryon said: "Nah."

"Really?"

He shrugged. "Don't like tacos all that much, to be honest."

From Duo's expression it was clear that he was confused, since he obviously knew better. "Alright. Whatever. Ibrahim?"

"No, thanks. Packed a lunch."

"Okay. I'll be back in forty. Don't break anything or kill each other."

"Sure thing, boss," Bryon quipped.

"Not making any promises…" Ibrahim mumbled without ever looking up.

"So you and Bryon are on good terms again?" Heero asked while he drove them to "that-organic-taco-place" that Duo was giving him directions to.

"More or less. Ran into him a while back and got to talking. He apologized for what he had said and I… I didn't want to be the guy to hold a grudge. And he needed his job back, so… I'm trying to 'be the better man', for what it's worth."

"What was it that he was apologizing for?" Heero wondered. "You never told me what caused the fall-out between the two of you."

Duo made a dismissive gesture. "Oh. It was nothing. Something stupid."

Realizing that Duo was withholding information to spare his feelings, Heero pressed: "It obviously wasn't nothing, or stupid; if it was you would have never stopped being friends with him."

The other responded: "I don't want to tell you, because I don't want you to get upset."

"I think our friendship isn't going to work if you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me." He could feel Duo stare at him for a long time.

"We got into a fight," the American eventually started.

"About what?" He probed.

"About you. Basically."

Heero raised his eyebrows. He turned left when Duo offhandedly instructed him to do so.

Duo elaborated: "He said that I was spending too much time with you and that it made me seem gay."

Heero processed the information in silence.

"Only, he didn't say 'gay'… If you know what I mean…" He sounded uncomfortable.

"He said 'faggot'," Heero surmised.

"Yeah."

"Okay…"

"I got pissed at him. I didn't like him saying that."

"Calling you a faggot."

"Yeah," he admitted pitifully.

Heero turned his head to briefly look at his passenger.

"I don't know why, but it blew a fuse."

"That's understandable. It's not a nice thing to call someone."

"I didn't expect it to get under my skin like that. I think he just meant it as a joke. He says shit like that all the time. Anyway, when I overreacted – or maybe I was right to react the way I did, I don't know – he called me a pussy and a drama queen and said something about you having a bad effect on me."

"And then what?"

"Well… I disagreed." Duo stated. "And I expressed myself with my fists."

A smile tugged at his lips at the euphemism.

"I'd really like for you to be friends with my other friends," the American thought aloud. "They'd get to see you the way I do. Then they'd stop saying stupid shit like that."

"I'm not going to teach your friends classes in LGBTQ+ awareness, Duo."

"That's not what I mean. I happen to think you have a _good_ effect on me. I've never had a gay friend before you and I think knowing you has been a positive influence on me. I used to say shit like 'fag' and stuff. I'm becoming more sensitive, at least, I'm trying to be. That's not a bad thing, in my opinion."

Heero offered him a smile. "No, that's not a bad thing."

"Anyway, I figured that's why I had to give Bryon a second chance. I've had second chances too…" After a few second of silence, he inquired cheekily. "How am I doing on the sensitivity-front?"

"Better." He nodded along. "But keep trying."

Duo chuckled. "I will."

Before they reached their destination, Heero shared: "I think knowing you has been a positive influence on me as well." Sure, being friend-zoned by the man you love has it's challenges, but Duo had had a healthy effect on his life – Heero was fitter, doing better with eating and more confident – Duo deserved to know that.

Duo came over next Friday and cooked for the both of them and they watched Pocahontas – Heero thought he had been joking, but apparently not – and then another Disney movie that Heero felt they were both too old for, but Duo enjoyed the nostalgia. After the movies, Duo talked about the date he was going on the next day. With that girl, Relena, that they had both met at the gym. He had gone out with her once before, but she had to cut the date short because of a family emergency. He assumed he had been blown off and that he would never hear from her again, but a few weeks later she had texted him and while she never seemed available for a do-over of their date, the texting had got progressively suggestive. Duo showed him some of the texts and Heero pretended not to be jealous.

It appeared madam Relena had finally found time in her crowded schedule to honor Duo with another date and judging by the way the long-haired man was rambling, he was excited about it. Why wouldn't he be? As far as Heero could remember her, she was tall, pretty and athletic – and she had tits and a vagina, so she was golden as far as his straight friend was concerned.

He wanted to not be resentful about it, but he wasn't as indifferent to irrational emotional turmoil a he used to be. The way Duo talked about the first date he had with Relena, that had only lasted forty-five minutes, made it seem like Relena should have bailed and if not her than Duo should have. He didn't understand why they bothered with a second try, when it was readily apparent that the two of them couldn't even keep a conversation going long enough to make it to the entrée. And Duo said he had been annoyed with how the blonde woman fiddled with her starter salad; picking out every ingredient until she was practically left with nothing but lettuce, drizzled with a microscopic amount of dressing.

Duo wanted to go out with her again because he wanted to have sex with her; because her texts turned him on. He didn't even like her!

It wasn't fair. Duo and Heero had such great chemistry between them, why wasn't that enough? The sex would be great too; Heero was a bottom anyway, how different would it really be?

Heero shook his head at his petulant train of thought. He knew it wasn't that simple. If it was, he'd be with a nice girl himself right now, instead of fantasizing about sex with the silly straight boy sitting on the other end of his couch.

"Wish me luck," Duo said as he was about to head home for the night.

"Good luck," Heero replied and he watched him walk out the door.

That Saturday evening he busied himself editing the video Duo had given him the day before. It wasn't due until Wednesday, but Heero needed something to keep his mind off the fact that Duo and his date had probably skipped the restaurant after the appetizers and went to his place for straight, missionary sex – or at least that's the unwelcome mental picture Heero's jealous mind provided.

Duo – in the video – was rambling on about the benefits of whey protein and when to take them, before showing a couple of low-impact exercises to do while recovering from an injury, since Duo himself had recently pulled a muscle in his calf. As always he was incredibly helpful and charming. The camera loved him, and so did Heero.

He was laughing at a poorly delivered joke when his phone vibrated next to his laptop. The screen lit up with a message from Duo.

 _ **She's killing me**_ the message read.

He bit his lip and considered ignoring the text, but he couldn't stop himself from butting in.

 **Oh, how so?** He typed in reply.

 _ **She is soooo boring**_ **.**

Heero snorted and thought to himself: _You knew that already, you big dummy_. In a bold move, he ended up typing and sending that exact sentiment.

 _ **Don't kick a man when he's down!**_

 **She's probably not too impressed with you either, considering you're texting while on a date.**

Duo's reply was quick: _**She went to the restroom**_ **.** Then he added a string of complaints about her not being sexy, nor fun, nor anything like how she had presented herself in their cheeky exchange of text messages. It was obviously dawning on Duo that he wasn't going to "get any" tonight and he felt duped.

Heero should have been sympathetic, but he was just a little too gleeful to provide any comfort. He wondered: **Want to come over later? Since you're not going to get some.**

There was no answer and it was safe to assume Relena had returned from her bathroom break and demanded Duo's undivided attention again. So Heero went back to work, shaving down the runtime of the video by cutting out moments when Duo was being too rambly or preachy or when one of his jokes didn't land.

An hour later he was lying on the couch, watching the tail end of a movie he had missed most of and his phone buzzed again. He got up and walked over to the kitchen counter where he had left his phone.

 _ **That was a waste of a perfectly good Saturday evening…**_

Heero grinned and shook his head, imaging just how sorry Duo felt for himself. **You poor, unfortunate soul** , he replied, in reference to that other animated movie they had watched the night before.

 _ **She totally baited me! She lured me under false pretenses! Making me think it was just going to be a casual, sex-thing, but instead she talked about her dad's recent retirement and a suspicious mole on her back. She was totally testing if I was husband-material.**_

 **At least you had something to talk about, unlike last time…** He tried.

 _ **She drove me crazy with those texts. What a tease.**_

He wanted to say something clever and uplifting, but he was at a loss for words.

Duo sent in frustration: _**I'm so horny!**_

Heero blinked at the unexpected proclamation. He wasn't sure what to do with it; if he was supposed to read between the lines or dismiss it as "guy-talk".

After a long pause – too long of a pause – Duo wasn't making matters any clearer when he followed up with: _**What are you wearing?**_

It was such a sexting-trope that Heero didn't know if he should take it seriously or if it was meant as a joke, in references to the texts Relena had been sending him. **Come over and see for yourself** , he typed and he stared at the presumptuous message. But, he thought to himself, if Duo was only joking, he would take his invitation as a joke as well; it could be brushed off as harmless jesting. He pressed send. As soon as he had, he regretted it.

There was no reply and the wait stretched longer and longer.

Heero curled up on the couch and kept staring at the screen. His message had been read, but Duo wasn't typing, he was ignoring him. The clock at the top of the screen kept going. 2 minutes. 5 minutes. 12 minutes.

 _Shit_ , he thought to himself.

He all but leapt out of his own skin when the buzzer of the intercom rang. His heart stopped for a second, then started to thunder.

"No way…" He muttered to himself. He stalked over to the front door, to the intercom panel. "Hello?" He wondered tentatively, pressing down the speak-button.

" _It's me_."

Heero blinked. His mind was running amuck with fantasies about the purpose of Duo's visit.

" _Adele_ ," he joked, but it sounded forced.

Rather than even try to say anything sensible, he buzzed Duo into the building and waited.

It took Duo unusually long to get up to his floor, but eventually a knock sounded on the front door.

Heero needed a moment to compose himself. He took a deep breath and warned himself not to overreact; not to get his hopes up. They were joking. They were always joking. Another deep breath and then he opened the door.

Duo didn't look like himself. He looked unsure of himself and it painted him in a new light. He looked Heero up and down and sounded a little more normal when he joked with a lopsided grin: "Not what I was expecting."

Heero looked down at his faded T-shirt and baggy sweatpants. Decidedly unsexy. "Uhm…" He was caught by surprise when he looked up and Duo came rushing forward. Duo grabbed his face and held him still as he leaned down and unceremoniously locked their lips together, in a kiss that wasn't so much passionate as it resembled someone angrily in search of something; all hasty, imprecise, jerky movements. Heero's eyes were wide open to acknowledge Duo's frustrated expression.

In the kiss Heero tasted beer in Duo's mouth and he smelled a light, sweet perfume on his jacket. He pressed his hands flat against the man's chest and pushed him away. Duo would barely budge, but he backed away enough to have the kiss end. "Are you drunk?" Heero asked.

"No…" He breathed in response.

"What are you doing?"

"…I don't know." He leaned in again, overpowering Heero who was trying to keep some distance between them. He slammed their lips together. His desperation didn't make for a good kiss, but Heero's heart soared at the thought that this was what Duo had always wanted – Heero had always wanted it too.

The Japanese man stopped fighting it and let the other overwhelm him. They backed up into the apartment, neglecting to shut the door behind them, and Heero ended up with his hip against the sharp corner of the dinner table. He gasped, but wasn't going to let the shock of pain interrupt the lip-lock. They both relaxed and became more comfortable as they melted into each other. Duo licked into his mouth gently and the tension left his hands, leaving him to softly cradle Heero's head, rather than grip it. Heero's hands were still on Duo's chest, but with no intention to push him away. He dragged his hands down, feeling the body he had admired for so long. He was hesitant, but slipped his hands under the material of the shirt to rub his thumbs through the dips of his abs. When Duo released a deep moan, the other mimicked the sound.

Heero pulled back only far enough and long enough to hop onto the edge of the table and he parted his knees to make room for Duo. Thankfully, the American wasted no time to fill the space and close the distance between them again. With an impish grin the man resumed their kiss and his hands traveled down from Heero's hair, along his neck, to his shoulders and then down his sides. His touch was light and hesitant, but curious and sweet. Heero wrapped his legs around Duo's hips and hooked his ankles behind him, locking their bodies together and they both made another sound of pleasure as their erections met between them.

Worry that the reminder of his manliness would scare Duo back into his senses vanished when Duo eagerly ground their pelvises together, creating much-needed friction.

The American caressed his hands past Heero's hips and along his thighs before hooking them into the hollow of his knees and hoisting his legs up higher and he started rutting against him in earnest.

"Ahhh… Oh, God…" Behind his closed eyelids Heero saw stars. He leaned his head back and Duo's mouth latched onto his throat and soft lips grazed along his Adam's apple and suckled on a sensitive spot under his jaw. He reached his arms around the broad man and gripped his braid in two tight fists.

Duo pulled the loose hem of Heero's shirt to the side and nibbled on his shoulder and then worked on leaving a genuine hickey and Heero buried his face in the crook of the man's neck.

He yelped and then let out a laugh in surprise when Duo tightened his grip on him and lifted him off the table. He was carried to the couch where he was laid down and he spread his legs to accommodate Duo, who crawled on top of them and was quick to treat his mouth to another intense kiss. Heero rocked his hips up against Duo's. It was such a rush to rub himself against the big, hard bulge in the man's jeans.

"That feels nice," Duo muttered against Heero's lips, also enjoying the way their bodies fit together.

"Hmhm." Heero practically purred. Duo wasn't scared, he wasn't freaking out, he wasn't drunk, he wasn't joking. This was real. _He wants it. He wants me_ , Heero thought and his heart swelled.

"Oh my-!" Someone squeaked and before the two of them realized it wasn't either of them, the front door of the apartment was slammed shut and they both looked at the closed door in surprise.

Duo was the first to burst out in laughter. "I think we just gave one of your neighbors an eyeful."

Heero laughed with him. It wasn't all that funny – it was an unwelcome interruption, in fact – but he felt giddy and laughter came easily. He stared up into Duo's eyes and he just felt so… in love. He could have snorted at himself, for feeling like the lovesick teen he never was – the exact kind of teens he used to mock. He raised his head up and placed a chaste kiss on Duo's lip, hoping to communicate how content he was and encourage the man to continue what they had been doing.

Duo seemed happy to oblige. He kissed him anew and one of his big hands wandered under Heero's shirt and explored the plains of his taut stomach before venturing up higher. The movement of the fingers faltered only momentarily at the new, flat chest but then he pinched a nipple between his thumb and forefinger, causing Heero's back to arch of the bed.

Fighting not to melt into a useless puddle of electrified senses was a doomed battle and Heero's only hope was to drag his partner down with him. He wormed a hand between them and molded it against the bulge between Duo's leg. He swallowed Duo's groans as he massaged the arousal through the denim. He felt the shape of him and the heat and it was maddening. He wanted to feel him naked in his hand. He wanted to take him into his mouth. He wanted him deep inside of him. Dry-humping on the couch – as nice as it was – wasn't enough. He had waited long enough. He had waited too long! They had both waited too long.

"I want you to fuck me," he blurted.

Duo stilled on top of him and paused their kiss.

Heero tried to engage him; kissing his chin, palming his clothed cock and scratching his short nails along his back, underneath the shirt. Duo's unresponsiveness alarmed him. Heero's face twisted in distress. "Please… Please…" His chest felt tight. "Don't stop. I want you inside me."

"Are you sure?" Duo's voice was steady, easing some of Heero's concern. He didn't sound like he was freaking out.

Heero blinked his eyes open. "I've wanted you for so long. Please?"

Duo swallowed and then he nodded.

Heero's smile was one of relief and he pulled Duo down by his hair to kiss him. "Do you want me?" He asked against his lips.

"Yes," the other man hissed.

Heero gasped at the surge of pleasure that one, simple answer provided him. Heero was eager and impatient, but determined to do it right. He wanted it to be perfect; for himself, but for Duo also. It would be their first time and Duo's first time with a man. They couldn't do it on the damn couch, unprepared. He pushed against Duo's chest until the man got the hint and raised himself up on his arms. Duo looked down at him quizzically.

"I need five minutes," Heero said.

The apparent disappointed was endearing. "Why?"

"I need to get ready first." He was being purposefully vague because he didn't want to flat-out say what kind of preparations preceded anal sex. Only rarely did Heero skip the step. It wasn't absolutely necessary, and he knew not everyone did it, especially not all the time, but he just felt more comfortable taking precautions. It was easier to relax and thoroughly enjoy the sex when he didn't have to worry about embarrassing accidents. Heero was used to the interruption before sex and wasn't deterred by it, but he was sensitive to the fact that it wasn't a sexy thought to someone who was new to this.

"Oh." Realization dawned on him. "Okay."

"Five minutes," he reminded him, to appease both of their impatience.

Duo nodded and he backed away so Heero could get up from the couch.

"I'll be right back," he said.

"I'll wait here," the other replied dumbly.

Heero leaned down for a parting kiss, slipping his hand around the man's neck.

Duo looked a little lost, seated on the couch by himself, when Heero excused himself and went into the bathroom.

He quickly stripped out of his clothes and rinsed himself with a small bulb enema. He also took the liberty of applying a good amount of lube in advance. It was an unglamorous part of sex. Afterwards he washed his hands and checked his reflection. He considered putting his clothes back on, but that seemed illogical and inefficient. His bathrobe was still draped over the edge of the bath tub, where he had left it that morning, so he decided to put that on. It was short and the material was thin and silky; it had been a guilty pleasure purchase. One last glance at the mirror and then he stepped out of the bathroom.

Duo was standing in the middle of the living room, looking like he didn't know what to do with himself. He smiled sheepishly.

"Hey," Heero said, smiling back at him.

"Hey."

"Want to come into the bedroom?" He held his hand out to him.

"…Yeah." Duo took his hand and allowed himself to be led into the master bedroom of the apartment.

Heero stopped at the foot of the bed and turned around. He tugged Duo closer to him and brought his arms up to wrap around Duo's neck. The anticipation already had him hard again, in spite of the uncomfortable process he had just gone through in the bathroom. He could tell that the delay had affected Duo's mood, so he took his time, kissing him teasingly and bringing his hands down to the front to caress his chest, stomach and the front of his pants. Duo was starting to respond and Heero felt him harden.

Heero stated: "I don't want to hear the words 'trippy', or 'gross', or ' _trigger_ '. Okay?" He kept his tone mild but he hoped Duo understood not to take it lightly.

The other nodded.

Heero offered a smile and then untied the sash of his robe. He let the supple fabric slip off his shoulders and it fluttered to the floor at his feet. He was proud of his body, thanks to Duo, but he still felt nervous, standing before the other man, completely exposed. He forced himself to allow Duo a moment to look him up at down. Duo's stare was unreadable and it unnerved Heero. He pressed himself against the taller man again and kissed him, hoping to help him relax, but Duo remained tense. "It's okay. It's going to be good," he assured him, wanting to be sympathetic. Warning bells went off again but he ignored them.

He pressed the heel of his palm against the bulge of Duo's arousal and enjoyed the moan it elicited. "Nnn. You're so big," he remarked, "It's going to feel so good." He felt himself clenching his intimate muscles in anticipation of having Duo inside of him.

Needing to get Duo out of those clothes so he could finally see and feel his naked body, Heero reached for the fly of his jeans, encouraged by the fact that Duo wasn't pulling away. He tucked his head under Duo's chin and breathed against this chest: "I am so in love with you." His heart was so full with emotions, he couldn't not say it. He popped the button and lowered the zipper.

But then Duo said: "Wait." And he took a step back.

That full heart clenched and squeezed out all those happy feelings, which felt like acid eating through him.

Duo stared at him with pitiful eyes. "I can't do this."

Heero's bottom lip quivered but he bit down on it and he focused on his anger instead; because that hurt less than acknowledging his heartbreak.

"I- I've always liked girls. I'm not gay," Duo claimed, looking lost.

With balled fists he yelled in response: "You're a coward, that's what you are!" He was bitter and wanted to hurt Duo back. "You're a fucking coward!" He became acutely aware of his nakedness and his vulnerable state only made him hurt worse. His skin crawled. He finally thought to pick his robe up from the floor but he couldn't figure out what was up and down, inside and out, so he just held it against his chest and let the fabric hang down to cover the front of his body.

He didn't want to – he _really_ didn't want to – but he started to cry. It was too much; the difference between how he felt only moments ago and how he felt that very second was too jarring, the fall from high to low was too far for him to keep his emotions in check.

Duo's face contorted. "I'm-… I'm sorry." He reached out, wanting to offer comfort, but Heero flinched and stepped back.

The Japanese man tried to cover his face with one hand while the other clutched the robe against his chest. He was sobbing uncontrollably, so on top of feeling angry, betrayed and hurt, he felt mortified as well.

Duo just stood there, conflicted, concerned and powerless.

"Would you just fucking leave already?!" He wailed with raw voice.

"I don't want to leave."

"Yes, you do!" He argued. "You don't want to be with me. I'm _gross_!" He spat sardonically.

"I didn't say that!"

"Not this time." Heero lowered his hand only so he could glare at him. "You didn't say it this time, but it's what you were thinking."

"…It wasn't," Duo tried, with a pathetic, pleading look on his face. "I- I don't know what I was thinking. I-… I'm thinking so many things." He made frustrated gestures with his hands as he struggled to express himself.

Heero was done. He wanted him gone and he never wanted to expose himself to that kind of heart ache again. "Get out!"

"Please. I want to talk."

"We are done talking. We are so done. It was a mistake – all of it was one, huge mistake! And you know it!" A sob interrupted his angry words. "I'm standing here fucking naked, with my asshole cleaned out and lubed up, Duo. I don't want to talk. Please just walk out and let this moment be over…" He dropped his head down and tears fell freely again.

"…Okay," the other conceded with a regretful tone. "Okay, I'll leave. But because it's what you want, not because it's what I want."

"Whatever," he said through gritted teeth.

Duo sighed and finally walked out of the bedroom and out of the apartment, closing the front door behind him.

Heero's body trembled in shock at the emotional outburst. He felt tired and weak all of a sudden. He took the two steps needed to reach the bed and lay down and curled up, pulling the blanket up to hide himself from the world.

At some point he fell asleep and he didn't wake up until the next morning. It was like waking up to the worst hangover ever. He felt groggy, his throat was sore, his head hurt and his body still felt so tired that he didn't want to move; but he had to pee and he had to drink.

In the bathroom he didn't even dare to face the mirror, knowing that he would not like what he would see. He went through the trouble of taking of shower, knowing the lube from the night before had dried up between his ass cheeks and on his inner thighs. He stood under the spray for a long time. He thought about the argument and he expected to burst into tears again, but he didn't; he felt numb instead. Not even as he pictured what a pathetic mess he must have looked like, standing naked before Duo, with excess lube dribbling down his thigh and tears pouring from his eyes – while screaming at him like a child throwing a tantrum – did he feel anything. He was probably too tired and the heartache had become a white noise that he had become insensitive to.

After getting dressed, he half-heartedly brushed his teeth, having every intention to skip breakfast.

In the living room he seated himself on the couch. More mental images came to him unbidden and he leaned his head back and groaned in frustration.

It was his own damn fault for getting his hopes up. Whether Duo was straight or not, it would have always ended badly; he was in love with Duo, but vice versa was not the case. Duo was – at best – experimenting, and the results were in. Or, worst case scenario: it had all been one big joke to the American.

Still, he couldn't pin all the blame on Duo. They had been here before and it didn't work out then either – they had to take a three-month-break from each other, that's how disastrous it went last time. After last night, the break was indefinite. He didn't think he would ever get over how hurt and humiliated Duo made him feel and he deserved not to have to be confronted with that again, even though it pained him that he had to accept he had lost his best friend in the process as well.

He was close to falling asleep again when his ears picked up on the jingle of keys just outside his front door and right at the moment he raised his head up and opened his eyes, the door opened and Duo stepped inside. Heero's eyes widened and his body instantly went rigid.

This was exactly the kind of confrontation he didn't want to have! He just wanted to sleep and forget all about it!

Duo stilled with the doorknob still in his hand when he spotted the home-owner on the couch. "You're up."

"Did you think I would wallow in bed all day?" Heero sneered. "What are you doing here? How did you get in?"

Duo held up the bundle of keys. "Snatched your keys off the dresser before I left last night."

"Why?" Heero demanded to know.

"Because I knew that if I knocked you wouldn't open the door for me," was his simple reply. Then he held up a plastic bag he had been carrying, bringing it to Heero's attention. "I bought stuff to make you breakfast. Because I also knew you wouldn't be eating this morning otherwise."

"Oh, you know me so well, huh?"

"I do. And you know me very well too," he said and he closed the door behind him and placed the bag on the counter. "But you don't know me well enough to speak for me," he continued poignantly and he turned to face him. "I didn't think of you as 'gross' and I didn't want to leave."

"Get the fuck out of my apartment, Duo," he snarled. "I don't want to talk. I don't want to listen to you pretend like you didn't freak out last night."

"But I didn't freak out!" Duo argued with raised voice. "I didn't ' _freak out'_." He took a few steps closer and continued with more subdued tone: "I got scared, yeah. I got nervous. Last night, what we were doing – what I was feeling – was all new for me and I felt overwhelmed. You were rushing me through something that needed more time."

"Just admit that you don't want me!"

"Stop doing that!" Duo bellowed, causing Heero to freeze. "Stop putting words in my mouth! You are the one who freaked out!" He accused and then he took a deep breath and a moment to calm himself. With a softer tone he elaborated: "You freaked out, and I understand. I got scared and I tried to back away and I did it all wrong. I upset you. You were in a vulnerable position and insecure and I had let you down before. I get it, and I am so, so sorry for how poorly I handled myself last night. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't not want you. I just wanted us to slow down."

"That's not what you said."

"I know that's not what I said. I didn't know what to say. But you know that's how I get. I can be callous and… stupid. I don't mean any harm." He took another step closer. "I never wanted to hurt you," he repeated, needing for Heero to understand just how much he meant that.

"But you did! And it wasn't the first time either!" Heero called him out.

"I'm so sorry," he said again. "Please…" He took another step closer, but it was too close.

Heero leapt up from the couch and backed away, holding his arms in front of him to make sure Duo knew he didn't want him near to him; he couldn't handle it. "I can't have you trampling all over my feelings like that just because you get _scared_."

"Heero, please…" He dropped his arms down to his sides and sighed in exasperation. "I don't think I'm gay, but I'm definitely not straight either. I feel things for you that I've never felt for another man! Hell, the things I feel for you, I haven't felt for any girl either. That's intimidating. It should be okay for those feelings to scare me; you don't get to call me a coward!"

Heero could only blink in response to his heartfelt outburst.

"You wanted to have sex and I wanted to give you what you wanted, but I wasn't ready. I couldn't go through with it, but not because I was grossed out. I wasn't!" Duo assured him. "You told me you're in love with me; we were going to make love. I wanted to take things slow and I needed a moment to sort out my thoughts and feelings. My mind was all over the place and it wouldn't have been right for us to make love for the first time while I was all… loopy. I wanted to do things right." He shook his head at himself. "But instead I did everything wrong." He scrubbed his face in his hands, alerting Heero to how tired he actually looked, like he hadn't slept all night.

"And did you sort things out?" The Japanese man wondered from the other side of the room, where he had retreated into the safety of a corner.

Duo stared at him. "I think I did."

Heero quirked an eyebrow. He didn't say anything, he trusted that the question was apparent in his gaze.

"I'm in love with you too."

He sucked in a breath at the soft-spoken but meaningful confession.

"I want you. I want you so much. That's new, and it's going to change everything. All of a sudden I have this secret; that I'm a different person from before somehow. It's going to affect my friendships and my relationship with my family and even with my fans." He chuckled sheepishly. "It frightens me, but it's a fear I want to face. If you could please be patient with me and help me… Teach me."

"Like you taught me how to shoot a gun?"

Duo's face broke into a smile. "Something like that."

"But how is that going to work, when I'm scared too? I'm scared of getting hurt again."

"I can't promise that we are going to work, but I do promise that I _want_ us to work and that I will do anything and everything to try. We have to be honest with each other and communicate. You have to let me talk when I say I want to talk; don't assume. Don't ever assume that I don't want you. I want you. And I want to make love to you, but not until the time is right. Not like last night, after the date from Hell."

A chuckle escaped him. He ducked his head down, embarrassed by his blush. "You really want to make love to me?" Make love, not 'fuck', Heero noted; it made him feel warm.

"I do." Duo slowly walked up to him and Heero didn't avoid his closeness anymore. "You're perfect and I want to be perfect for you, but there's a bit of a learning curve." He laughed softly at himself, but then continued seriously: "You're not gross. You're so, so beautiful. You're… hot." He stood in front of him and dipped his head down, letting their bangs blend together and their breaths mix. "What you said last night, that you wanted me inside of you?" He groaned. "That was… _hot_ ," he emphasized, not able to come up with a better word. "And dry-humping you was so…-"

"Hot?" He supplied and braved a cheeky smile.

Duo smiled in return. "Yeah." He inched his face closer.

Heero tilted his head and his eyes were half closed as he expected to be kissed.

"So what do say? Do you think you can go slow with me?"

"It's going to drive me crazy," he predicted. He tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth. "But yeah."

"Yeah?" Duo teased. He had moved closer and his lips brushed against Heero's.

"Yeah," he whined needily.

The American melded their lips together in a sweet kiss. His arms encircled Heero's waist, to pull him against his chest.

They kissed for an eternity, but never long enough. When they parted Duo's eyes shone with mischief. "So, will you let me cook you breakfast now?"

Heero nodded, but when Duo moved, he didn't want to let him go, causing the man to chuckle. "In the interest of communication, let me just say one more thing?"

"Okay."

Heero grinned up at him. "If you hurt me again, I'm going to shoot you."

Duo laughed. "Good. I'd deserve it."

* * *

 **The end.**

* * *

 **Thank you for reading. I'd be very grateful if you'd share your thoughts on the story with me.**


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